Share good ideas and conversation.   Login, Join Us, or Take a Tour!
comment by kleinbl00
kleinbl00  ·  249 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 14, 2018

I dated a girl - twice - whose problems were dire. They were entirely of her own construction as well. It was the second time around that I realized that unlike every other girl I'd dated, I couldn't "fix" this one - I told a friend (who I had fooled around with, but not dated) that I felt like I was reaching down onto the rails of a subway to help her up but I could see the train coming and wasn't sure if I could pull her up before she pulled me down.

It was a watershed moment. From that point I started dating defensively. There are people with so much baggage that you can't carry them and the more you try, the more you delay not just your own travels but theirs as well.

tacocat  ·  249 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah. I thought I could just love her and she'd get better but so many problems for so many people are entirely of their own making or in their own mind and expectations of life. :

I'm not trying to find anyone who's perfect but I'm also done thinking I can fix anyone. Especially if they don't want help. We can improve people; we cannot fix them

oyster  ·  249 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I read something the other day that said something along the lines of how a good relationship doesn't make us want to change the other person, it makes us want to change ourselves. I'm still digesting it ,but it definitely stuck out to me. If someones wants it they'll work hard to grow and become the person you need in a relationship and you'll do the same for them. It's like we can only fix ourselves, and as much as we can support others we can't do the heavy lifting for them.