I read about the Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect yesterday. It's credited to Michael Chrichton:
“Briefly stated, the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect is as follows. You open the newspaper to an article on some subject you know well. In Murray's case, physics. In mine, show business. You read the article and see the journalist has absolutely no understanding of either the facts or the issues. Often, the article is so wrong it actually presents the story backward—reversing cause and effect. I call these the "wet streets cause rain" stories. Paper's full of them.
In any case, you read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know.”
In the space of two paragraphs, you observe:
And interestingly, everyone thinks everyone's painting looks great except their own. People are silly things.
I still don't know what the fuck her deal is and I question her motives for contacting me. But my therapist said I did a good job of establishing clear boundaries. And it was only a little depressing later to speak with my ex.
I know this much: I determined in my early '30s that I was attracted only to deeply broken women and that their deep breakage led to a shitload of unhappiness. I was fortunate in that my wife was feeling broken when we started dating, but wasn't, really, which allowed me to fool myself into doing the right thing. What was astonishing was how much easier it was to not be broken when I was with someone else who wasn't.
I doubt I will offend you when I point out that your life wasn't exactly flying high when you started dating her. One might reasonably conclude hers wasn't either. It's possible you're both in a better place now... and a little forgiveness might go a long way.