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comment by coffeesp00ns
coffeesp00ns  ·  193 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Poem: Tokyo Architects

I mean, my only defence is that to me, the original way looks more correct to me. Also to contrast you, I think that "energy" is the most important part - It's what we're talking about, after all. It is, in some ways, the subject of the poem: energy as a metaphor for resilience.

If I was going to edit it to change the emphasis to the creation and destruction, I would write ti this way:

   It has always taken

more energy to create than it has

to destroy.

which makes the amount of "energy" needed to read each line reflect the differing amounts of energy needed for creation and destruction.




FirebrandRoaring  ·  193 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I agree: it looks good that way.

Take my word with a grain of salt. I may have a certain amount of taste, but poetry is beyond me. Do what you think is best.

Lots of inspiration to you and your writing.