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comment by blackbootz
blackbootz  ·  199 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: January 31, 2018

My best friend's older brother killed himself last week. Completely heartbroken. Stunned.

I spent the next five days with the family. They were utterly beside themselves. People came from all over to hug, grieve, and pay their respects. It was a show of solidarity that I think improved the event from completely intolerable to the barest reed of tolerable, like maybe things will get better in a month, a year, then a...

I suck at writing or talking about this sort of thing. School started Monday. Classes have taken my mind off of it some. Last night I stopped by my friend, who has been staying at a hotel (since her apartment is immediately above her brother's where his body was found). I hung out with her and her mom all night, gave her a back massage, and we watched a stupid movie. I hope it helps.

I truly wonder if--somehow, in the moment before you kill yourself--you got a snapshot of the total chaos and grief that's inflicted, would it stay your hand? Or does that not even compute?

veen  ·  199 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I'm sorry for your loss.

Someone in a group project I did lost one of her best friends out of nowhere. Died in her sleep. It was gut wrenching to see the disbelief and grief in her and the family/friends involved. I don't know if realizing that would change people's minds - it often isn't a fully rational decision, I think. I can imagine despair already being off the charts so I don't see how guilt can improve that.

At some point life has to go on. At some other point, even though it seems infinitely far away, you will have to give this event and his life a place in your heart to rest. It is, by all means, a difficult process but doing "normal" things is a good first step. It gives your mind some time to process it all.

Best of luck, man.