My best friend's older brother killed himself last week. Completely heartbroken. Stunned.
I spent the next five days with the family. They were utterly beside themselves. People came from all over to hug, grieve, and pay their respects. It was a show of solidarity that I think improved the event from completely intolerable to the barest reed of tolerable, like maybe things will get better in a month, a year, then a...
I suck at writing or talking about this sort of thing. School started Monday. Classes have taken my mind off of it some. Last night I stopped by my friend, who has been staying at a hotel (since her apartment is immediately above her brother's where his body was found). I hung out with her and her mom all night, gave her a back massage, and we watched a stupid movie. I hope it helps.
I truly wonder if--somehow, in the moment before you kill yourself--you got a snapshot of the total chaos and grief that's inflicted, would it stay your hand? Or does that not even compute?