Glendale is full of Armenians. Armenians are glamorous, beautiful and curt. I had a garrulous conversation with an Armenian Lyft driver and I asked him why Armenian waitresses always glare at me like they hate me. He said "Armenian women only smile when they really like you! You have to earn a smile from an Armenian woman!" When I said they didn't all give me the stinkeye, he said "you see? You are very popular with Armenian women!" I've got a Moroccan friend. He's very courteous. When he's around his Moroccan buddies every discussion they have sounds like they're about to kill each other. It took me a while to figure out that when discussing something passionate, you have to be passionate, even if you're all on the same side. Everybody is friendly in their own way. The Russians I've met are extraordinarily warm and friendly... unless they're talking about other Russians.
Lovely. :) It made me wonder a lot, as a kid, why would people do kind things to one another but not smile at them at the same time. It made sense to me even at 11 that a smile is a natural indication of good will and friendliness, and if you're helping someone, you're being friendly, so it should follow that you would smile to express so. The guy who held the bus for me as I was running towards the doors? Almost sour, though without disdain. The guy who helped me figure out what's wrong with the bike as I was meddling with it in the middle of the street? All business. It's common politeness in Russia to say "thank you", but the thing that I can't figure out is – one does not have to smile while doing so; it's just not the norm here. Whenever I hold the door for women of all ages, most of them say "thank you", and most of those who do so, smile. These unwritten social rules are confusing to me. My groupmate once noted that Russian people "like to suffer". She's Tatar, which legally makes her Russian still, but she comes from a different culture nevertheless. I think she has a point. Most of the Russians I know hold something called the crab mentality – a tall poppy syndrome is a similar cultural phenomenon. I think it's been abused by the state to encourage people to not stand out, because such a crowd is easier to control. Overall, I think it's the Russian way of dealing with the harsh geographical conditions. While understandable, it also makes it difficult to pursue higher goals in such a company. My older sister was wary to tell even me about her ambitions, so conditioned she was to criticism about it. She has aspirations that she fears will be belittled or crushed if she dares share them with those she considers friends – benevolent, high-minded aspirations that would be praised as a concept but inevitably struck down in a person. Her saying that made me notice the same obnoxious patterns in myself. My first response, in many a conversation I've had with different people, was to discourage them from A or G or XYZ by pointing out the negative aspects of it. One thing I've learned recently is a theory of the correlation between the language and the mentality of a people. I find the theory itself dubious because of the little proof presented in a definitely-worded work, but it did point out a few interesting things about the Russian culture. It said that, while the American social theory is broad, meant to include into one's zone as many people as possible – which is why Americans call any recent acquaintance of any merit a friend – the Russian social theory is much more intimate – which is why Russians are uncharitable on the "friend" status with anyone other than their closest people. My theory is that, while Russians enjoy each others' company, they unconsciously resent anyone other than their friends – and act appropriately. The resentment signal got mixed into the general social theory, since you still have to maintain a healthy level of connections. It's not a solid theory, but it's the one I have.When I said they didn't all give me the stinkeye, he said "you see? You are very popular with Armenian women!"
The Russians I've met are extraordinarily warm and friendly... unless they're talking about other Russians.
Smiles are also a signal of subservience and acquiescence. When you want to appear non-threatening, you smile, even at animals. I am no expert in social signals but I might hypothesize that by being friendly without smiling first, Russians are subconsciously sending the signal that they are not to be trifled with and that they will deal with others on their own terms. Maybe that's why Russians are so shitty to the service sector. If there's a culture of salesmen giving you the shaft, you cease to smile like a monkey and laugh at everyone's jokes.It made me wonder a lot, as a kid, why would people do kind things to one another but not smile at them at the same time. It made sense to me even at 11 that a smile is a natural indication of good will and friendliness, and if you're helping someone, you're being friendly, so it should follow that you would smile to express so.
Russians are very group-oriented ("What will other people think of you if you wear that?!"). Causing discord within their group doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it's tribal, though. Within your tribe (friends & family), you'd smile often, and outside, show the others that they're not your tribe, so they better not try anything funny. I wouldn't say that Russians are. I have maybe heard someone argue with the cashier or the consultant a dozen times in my life. That being said, the cashier/salesman separation — that is, when the cashier merely checks out the products without selling them themselves — have caused tension to rise between the buyers and the cashiers in the malls. I'd say it's closer to the Stanford prison experiment — in nature rather than intensity. The salesman is a powerful person, able to give you what you're asking for, so you'd submit to them most of the time. The cashier, on the other hand, is your servant, so they could be treated with disrespect to no apparent consequence. To that extent: the older women who take of household questions (water, heating, gas etc.) know they're the authority and would utilize their power, raising their voice as necessary to force submission. Other than that, I don't see how Russians are shitty to the service persons. Barely seen that, myself, so it could be curcimstantial blindness.by being friendly without smiling first, Russians are subconsciously sending the signal that they are not to be trifled with and that they will deal with others on their own terms.
Maybe that's why Russians are so shitty to the service sector.
What you mentioned at the top basically explains the difference between serving Americans/Canadians and Russians. I’ll spend an entire night chatting with Americans which some have told me is more of a thing in Canada but I think it depends on the state. I chatted with a couple from (I think) Michigan today for a while after they had already paid and I could have finished my shift. The other week I served a group of Russian guys and they were friendly but definitely more about their “tribe” like you mentioned. They were never rude but I don’t see them striking up unnecessary conversation either. I brought them a new pitcher of water before the other ran out and got a surprised smile for that though which I have yet to understand. Some people would probably consider that rude I guess. When I was a cashier we were suppose to make conversation with guests because it is considered rude/awkward not too.
You helped Russians when you didn't have to: they didn't order or asked for a new pitcher, and you brought it anyway. The smile you'd got was an indication that your help was perceived pleasantly. For Russians, that's entirely unexpected. The service industry in the US (and, seemingly, equally in Canada) is aimed at pleasing the customers. In Russia (and post-Soviet territory, in general), it's aimed at delivering your order; the pleasing part is currently being introduced, slowly and with a local accent.
Interesting that you say that, for two reasons. One, our last Russian user used to complain from time to time how many of his friends and family members take on a quasi-fatalistic world view. As in, they'd have many things in their life that they complained about that's easily fixable, but wouldn't ever get around to fixing. Two, I'm starting to notice a similar attitude starting to crop up in some of my social circles and I wonder if there might be an underlying reason behind it. I'm thinking economics. For example, easily fixable things aren't fixable if you don't have the money to fix them, so you learn to put up with them. Soon, this attitude starts creeping into other areas of your life. Relationships, personal health, etc.My groupmate once noted that Russian people "like to suffer".
"Fatalistic" is not a bad way to describe it. I think Russians are resistant to change, even a good one. Living in harsh environment would make you so. You'd rather fight the daemons that you know than close the portal, and who knows what comes out of that. It's one thing, certainly: like the phrase that cropped up in a conversation with another groupmate goes, "Money don't buy happiness, but having them certainly relieves tension in life". The article also points out that freedom — of choice, of expression — matters in one's happiness. If you feel stuck in life — the kind of modernized serfdom — even immense amount of money may not be more than a quick fix, to distract you from the cage one finds oneself in. Maybe the two are related. Imagine wanting to move from the Soviet-era house to a better, modern apartment (there are новостройки — the new housings — all over the country) but not being able to afford it. There's a phrase in Russian: "morally outdated", meaning something's behind the technological progress in a big way. Many of the Khrushchev-era flats are this: there were built in the 60s.I'm thinking economics.