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comment by goobster
goobster  ·  39 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 6, 2017

Yes to all of this.

    A list of names does nothing to help women except point out specific people to stay away from. It gives you nothing.

This, though... this is where the usual internet yes/no, good/bad, dichotomous thinking does a disservice, and a more nuanced, phased, approach is preferable.

It's like the seven stages of grief. The first thing that needs to happen is that the very real experiences of all these women need to be HEARD. Everyone needs to have their chance at the mic to talk about the thing she has experienced, how it made her feel, and how it has affected her life ever since that day.

Then a reckoning needs to take place. The serial abusers, the genuinely bad apples, need to be outed and held accountable for their actions.

They have lived in the comfort of knowing that "Women don't talk about these things," so he has been safe from public accusations, or being held accountable for his actions. Shit, just look at what a rape survivor has to go through just to be believed!

Then the community needs to move into a phase of dealing with the structure of the problem. Why does this happen? What about our community needs to change to make this type of behavior unacceptable?

And then the practicality comes along. Do we need a blacklist? Are abusers/gropers/rapists irredeemable, and never allowed to darken the door of our events again? What type of behavior warrants ostracism? Creepiness? Inappropriate pinching? Hugging? Groping? Bad behavior when drunk? Rape? Where is the line, and why is it there?

The community is moving through the phases now. The stories have largely been told. The names have been named. And the worst have already removed themselves from the community.

Tonight a meeting is taking place about what steps the organization and the community can take to move forward and create a community/events/spaces where there are repercussions for bad/abusive behavior, and the bad ones are weeded out at the gate.

I'll be at the meeting.

I already know what will happen: Everyone will want everything, but when it comes to people raising their hands to participate and actually implement the plans, there will be the sound of crickets.

This community loves to bitch, and loves it when other people do the work.

I am not optimistic.