Per kleinbl00's tip, I have picked up a 3d printer off of craigslist. Is it steller? Nah. Does it work? Yes. Will I use it print out another printer? You fucking betcha.
I've had to fix a few issues with how the previous owner assembled the kit, but it more or less passes calibration tests now! I haven't been this excited 'bout a nerd project since I installed Gentoo 1.2 on my iLamp.