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comment by OftenBen
OftenBen  ·  2354 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: What are you scared of?

One day I am going to start a spiral that ends with either the complete upheaval/change of my entire way of living and concept of self, or my death.

I've wondered what it would be like to be 'healthy' since I was a child. It moves me to tears every time I let myself stray too far down that path.



ButterflyEffect  ·  2354 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I've wondered what it would be like to be 'healthy' since I was a child. It moves me to tears every time I let myself stray too far down that path.

I'd like to think that everybody has their own definition of what "healthy" is. Physically, mentally, emotionally, they all mean different things to different people. You likely have a much better idea of what that means to you than most other people do.

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OftenBen  ·  2354 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I suppose.

I vacillate between 'Everything that has ever gone wrong for me starts and ends with having a shitty heart. Were it not for that, I could have socialized more and appropriately as a small child, developed the competitive mindset necessary for healthy self-image in contemporary America, etc' and 'Even if I was healthy I'd likely be the same vaguely dissatisfied asshole that I am now but a lot less interesting and sympathetic, and without many of the valuable connections that have helped me professionally.'

The truth, as always, is likely somewhere between.

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