- I get to go home for good in SIX DAYS.
- I have to come back in FOUR MONTHS.
- We're going to try and switch to two fucking seasons a year.
- This puts me in the awful position of being away from my family six months of the year in perpetuity, or until I get sick of it.
- This puts me in the legendarily enviable position of only working six months of the year but having scandalously cheap health insurance and, as of the end of the year, a pension. I'm 42 years old. Living in America. In 2017. I'm about to have a pension.
- My new favorite thing is Elite Traveler Magazine. I had forgotten it existed until insomniasexx, randomuser, elizabeth and myself ended up having dinner at Hawthorne Airport, where my dad used to fly into. Hawthorne is notable for private jets, SpaceX and Seal Team Six. It's weird. And the lobby has clocks designed to look like Audemars Piguet Royal Oaks, and "Elite Traveler" magazine for free in the lobby. Oddly enough, the burgers were only $14.
- My commute has gone from Dickensian to third world. We've got a couple new families that don't look like the usual crazies down on the river, they look like middle-class folx that picked a stupid place to camp. At the same time the smash'n'grab detritus keeps piling up and two days ago I saw a dude on a bike with two garbage bags full of possessions hanging off the back and cradled beween his arms, feet tied to the top tube, a mutherfucking rooster.
Los Angeles is all about inequality. It's getting out of hand. I just got back from lunch where I wasn't able to visit my buddy's work because the whole place is on lockdown because Harrison Ford is hanging out there. I rode there in a beat-to-shit Durango with door handles that didn't work because Lyft. And this inequality is oddly mirroring my own life - extraordinarily blessed financially, annoyingly cursed socially.
One of my buddies announced on Facebook that the kidney is rejecting. He's going back on the donor list. He's quick to point out that statistically speaking, most people with his sort of transplant don't live ten years. His was done in 2009. He's three months to the day younger than I am, and I'm banking my stem cells and debating how badly I want to keep contributing to my pension.
I think luck either makes you feel entitled or guilty. Me? I feel guilty for my entitlement.
- 42 years old. Living in America. In 2017. I'm about to have a pension.
Yea go fuck yourself. ha. Congrats. My 401K hit a milestone that 20 years ago I thought was a pipe-dream. Still not "Fuck You" money, but a retirement is within my grasp, maybe, if I can keep breathing that long.
1. Two months ago I forced myself to finally stop drinking diet soda. Not touched a drop since and only hated myself for the first two weeks. I've not had any candy, chocolate, baked goods, sweets or other high-glycemic index foods since the day of the eclipse.
2. I went to a funeral for a good, dear friend's dad who died peacefully in his sleep. The dad was a good guy, gruff, hard, surly, but under all the abrasive exterior was a guy worth knowing. I'm glad I got to meet him.
3. I missed attending a funeral for someone, the only purpose for attending would be to piss in his open grave. Turns out his life did not end up happy and wonderful and drugs and poverty and being an asshole catch up to you in the end. Fuck you high school bullies, I do not feel sorrow or pity for you. If not for the item below I'd have not though of you in three decades. Revenge is living well.
4. Random message on Facebook found me, wondering why I never went to the 30th year high school reunion a few years back. I did not reply. Fuck everyone and everything about high school. If I had a better school experience... not sure what I would be. I got to hang out with NASA people, several of whom asked where I went to college, and when the inevitable answer of "none" comes up, the look on their faces was almost one of sorrow. Nothing like finding people you admire commenting that you have the smarts to work with them, and that they are happy about the work you do "out in the Heartland where you need to be." Then that anger wells up that your life could have gone in a different, better direction where you can work your dream jobs. Which leads into...
5. I feel like shit. Physically beat and exhausted. I'm having issues sleeping and Irma brought in a fuckton of shitty Florida air with her. The thing about medicine is that there is a numbers game involved, and that the numbers tell a story. Little more than a year or so ago, my numbers were " HOLY SHIT HOW ARE YOU NOT AMBULATORY!" Then they wee "High Normal." Now they are "showing signs of repairing damage" as the paper says. The meds that made theses numbers move also made me gain weight; but the reality is that I blame the meds and the work, and the hobby, for not making time to get this shit fixed. No diabetes, no hypertension, no signs of stroke risks other than being fat and sedentary and unfit. Numbers are good, but still feel like shit. Now to get off my fat ass and fix the fat ass problem.
6. I've not had a chance to play D&D in a year, not had a chance to go play with the new telescopes in our observatory, not had a chance to go and do nothing but vegetate with friends since March.
7. Still working with lawyer on the car accident now two years ago. The law moves slowly.
8. Mentally, I'm in a "meh" place. I sat down and sorted out a bunch of shit in my head a bit after the eclipse when I had a bit of downtime. Lots of balls in the air to juggle, and 5-6 more major doctor visits left in the year, but I could be so much worse. Mom and dad are alive and healthy and have enough money to live comfortably a very long time. Friends local are all in good health and employed. Unemployment out here in Banjostan is shrinking; you can always tell in a place like this when the economy is doing well as all the 24 hour big box stores start closing overnight because they cannot find enough people to staff the place a full day. 4-5 big stores are all ending 24Hr operations, and some of the fast food places are no longer open when I come home from astronomy shit at 1AM. So if I decide to change jobs, not that I am looking or need to, the IT unemployment rate is somewhere in the range of .1% for non-entry level work here. And Google Fiber is deploying to some parts of town, but I'm fucked as I live outside the city and won't get any of the benefits unless I move in closer.
Also there is something about Amazon wanting to move an HQ and Kentucky is being mentioned as a potential bidder. If they move in, I'm going to be shocked. But.. wow would that change Kentucky from a Red state to a Blue State in an election cycle.
You know, you seem a lot better than you may feel. You just brought up a bunch of pretty deep-rooted issues but discussed them rationally and with a level head. Every point from 1-8 either has good news results in it or a driven work-in-progress goal that you seem to be actively engaged in. I think you're gonna crush every one of these goals.
- You just brought up a bunch of pretty deep-rooted issues but discussed them rationally and with a level head.
Life is so much easier when you conquer your emotions. Lots of projects all cascading into one another, feels overwhelming, but doable. Hanging out with smart, motivated people who are doing real amazing things, and having those same people treating me like one of their peers is fucking with the brain right now.
- having those same people treating me like one of their peers is fucking with the brain right now.
I mean, that should be in a good way, I hope! One of the overarching problems I have with my school is a lack of intellectual spirit. By that I mean, everyone is insanely driven, everyone is exceeding all these standards and getting all this work done, but nobody really has the time or energy for intellectual discussion or work if it's unrelated to their daily tasks, assignments, and duties.
That's totally fine, but even having the opportunity to hang out with 'smart, motivated people doing amazing things' is a rare and invaluable asset. It's also super motivating.
- Also there is something about Amazon wanting to move an HQ and Kentucky is being mentioned as a potential bidder. If they move in, I'm going to be shocked. But.. wow would that change Kentucky from a Red state to a Blue State in an election cycle.
As best as I understand it, Amazon is looking to create a second headquarters and everyone is clamoring to be it. Blue State, schmoo state. If they move to Kentucky, it's gonna fuck up the housing market, something the mid-west has been relatively immune to so far.
- If they move to Kentucky, it's gonna fuck up the housing market
It will also fuck the Republicans out of two senate seats and possibly two Congressional districts. There is a certain amount of fuckery I am willing to put up with in exchange for moving the country forward.
Had fried chicken and drinks with thenewgreen insomniasexx and randomuser in SF last night. RU and I made a late night decision to buy heavy into a shitty altcoin. No regrets.
Late for a VC meet in Mountain View this morning. That was a first. Trying to catch up before heading to a procedure in Orinda.
We were mentioned in the Sunday Times a couple of weeks ago, which I missed:
- “If things progress according to our goals, when I’m 60 I’ll be rejuvenating my bone marrow niche with my 40-year-old cells,” he [me] said. “And so when I’m 60 I will be partially 40 — I might be an aged hybrid.”
Sound a bit crazy in major paper. -Check.
Reading Ada or Ardor by Nabokov; very good.
Hola granola!
The Music is Dead
I pulled my ancient, creaking mandolin out of its case the other day to see if I could extract a few tunes. I could never really play it, but it's something I'd like to get back into. Unfortunately, I'm having trouble tuning it. One of the strings keeps popping out of the bridge, and if I shift the bridge so this doesn't happen anymore, I can't tune it properly. I might tune an open string to E, but it'll get further away from E down the frets... Is this an omen? Or do I try to see if there's a luthier... somewhere? It's hard to invest a little cash in something you're not sure you'll sustain (I've had the mandolin for 7 years and can't play it), but impossible to invest time in learning something with dysfunctional equipment.
Electrical Dollars
So after reading veen's nice little guide to Ethereum I decided to finally throw a small bit of cash into it, and purchased an extravagant... 1 ETH! It cost me about €260; I was going in line with several Hubskiers' suggestions not to spend more than you're willing to lose. If ETH even goes up by 50%, I'm happy out. If it becomes worthless, at least it's only a couple of hundred quid. I might not have much money now, but that money isn't something I'll be crying about for years to come.
I bought it on Coinbase because it seemed convenient; not sure if that was a good idea or not. Is it safe to just leave it on Coinbase?
Life in Short: Life is Short
Feeling generally low and demotivated over the past while, probably stemming from not really doing anything with my life. I can probably go back to a Pubski six months ago that mentions I need to move out of this town and get full-time work and everything else so I won't repeat it here. I will survive the winter, and when the snows have cleared I will better know the path that I must take. Or something.
A Book about a Stroll
I wrote a few hundred words this morning. My productivity has reached dizzying heights! It was the first thing I did today, to prevent me from putting it off all day. I'm taking the tortoise fable a bit too much to heart, perhaps.
The Weekend Beckons
I'm going out to Clare Island for a birthday party this weekend! My friend Donal just turned 30; I met him in university, and sadly seldom since, but he remains one of my favourite friends. The island is very small and has a tiny population - I think about 100 people total. I'm looking forward to having a few beers and not working on a Saturday night, and catching up with an old friend.
I'll stick around the following day to watch the match on TV. My county team - Mayo - are playing Dublin in the All-Ireland gaelic football final. This is pretty big; Mayo hasn't won since 1951, but has reached the finals or semifinals very consistently over the last decade, only to lose at the last moment (in last year's final, they had a draw with Dublin, then lost the replay by a single point). The hype in Mayo is electric right now.
Romantic Misadventures Vol. 2
My ex messaged me on FB a while back. Kind of the one that got away, I guess. I ended up going to see her last week and spent the night at her place - nothing like that; I slept on the spare futon. Anyway this brought back a ton of old feelings; we exchanged a few messages during the week, but she thinks that if there are still feelings - which she implied were sort of mutual - that we probably shouldn't meet again. I was a bit heartbroken last week, but doing better now. C'est la vie, baby. I did request a meeting just to talk things over, which she hasn't responded to, so that might be the end of that story.
Oh and there's this
I made it into the book and there's even a photo! That's pretty cool I would say. It's a shame I'm described as a primary teacher - I think this probably comes from one of the newspaper articles in which I'm erroneously described so, though it was TEFL I was doing at the time.
I know stringed instruments very well, and my opinion is that your mandolin needs to be cut loose and sent on to another home.
Basically, the neck is bent. Yes, there is a truss rod that can be adjusted that will take some of/most of the warp out of the neck, but the nut and tuners are still going to be a problem. An enthusiastic player could put the work into restoring it and getting it working properly again (at which point something else will break), but you won't.
What you need is a "player" instrument. Something that just works, and lets you plink away at it any time you want. Doesn't need to be pretty or fancy in any way at all. Just something you can hold in your hands, stays in tune, and has a reasonable amount of sound output.
Because you aren't a "player" yet, you need something you can just twiddle on whenever the feeling strikes you. Pick it up, pluck a few notes, see if you want to pluck a few more.
If every time you pick it up you need to adjust the tuning, or the nut, or you know you can't play in tune above the 6th fret, then you won't get any pleasure out of twiddling, and therefore your twiddling won't become playing, and playing won't become a passion.
And, one last thing: When you replace this mando, store the next one you get properly. Don't hang it up in a sunny window, or lay it on a shelf in a damp basement. Put it in a stand or a wall hanger, where it is out of direct sunlight, but easy to reach, and in a room where the temperature don't vary crazily. (Don't hang it over the fireplace.) Wood flexes with moisture and temperature. When stringed instruments flex, they crack, warp, go out of tune, etc. And don't leave it in the case. Cases are for traveling, not for storage, and they prevent you from picking the instrument up on a whim and widdling away at the strings whenever the passion strikes you.
Good luck!
I think you're probably right, goobs. Both my mandolins are basically unplayable at the moment, both of them are apparently about eighty years old, and neither of them even has a truss rod. I'm gonna keep an eye out for a cheapish one to start fiddling about with and see where things go from there.
I also think your points about storage is spot on - way more likely to pluck away if it's in a stand or on a hook.
- ... way more likely to pluck away if it's in a stand or on a hook...
You have no idea how many times I have seen someone dig a case out from behind/under something, open it, smile, and pull out the instrument inside with a big smile on their face. They then kinda "go away somewhere" and plink away on the instrument... in a happy place, remembering maybe the last time they played it, or who they played with, or whatever...
... and then they put it sadly back in the case.
Cases are where instruments go to die.
Put that thing out in the open, where you can always reach it... and you will reach for it.
You aren't going to go under your bed to dig out a case and twiddle for a few minutes.
- I bought it on Coinbase because it seemed convenient; not sure if that was a good idea or not. Is it safe to just leave it on Coinbase?
Cryptocurrency exchanges are like banks, if banks had no fiduciary responsibility, were started by trust fund kids that sort-of know how to code, off-shored all their hard work to people they've never met, hired no security and came up with their own arbitrary ideas as to how to make "locks."
No, it's not safe. Go to myetherwallet, generate a wallet, print it out on paper, copy-paste the address, and send that money directly out of coinbase and to your wallet. If you want to make sure it works, send like .01ETH or whatever to make sure you understand the process.
Here is a list of targets. Now imagine several tens of thousands of bored hackers and social engineers. When your money is in an exchange, your money is on that list.
Thanks for the advice kb, that's going right on the to-do list. No point leaving money where it might be taken.
- I decided to finally throw a small bit of cash into it
it's a good time - it's as low as it has been in days... maybe weeks.
- I wrote a few hundred words this morning.
every journey has a beginning... yada yada yada
- I will better know the path that I must take.
only you will.
SUBHEADINGS
steve is so busy loving everyone in the pub this morning that he should be a subheading.
IRMA
still no feet on the ground, but one of the compound owners is waiting in Tampa all stocked up with a generator and water to get the go-ahead to return to the island along with other evacuees. He's a pharmacist at the plaza, so they might give him an earlier go-ahead.
Remote sensing, googly earth type technology took a close look at Key West on the 11th. Zoom in. We could see the roof of our house. It still had a roof!! So if the hurricane shutters held out and flooding was only 2-6 feet, we are okay and can still have our BIG HUBSKI Key West MEETUP, dates t.b.a.
OK HAVE TO RUN NOW
as the Rocky theme plays in the background, I have to get off this laptop and off to meet my first of three classes - brilliant CS grad students, Will I be able to convince them that a course in public speaking and interpersonal communication is a fun happy place of warmth, acceptance, and bonding? (Much like hubski.) Who knows. Off to work anyway.
- steve is so busy loving everyone in the pub this morning that he should be a subheading.
He's won the Nicest Dude on Hubski Award seven years in a row!
I went hiking this week. I fucking crushed it, bagging five summits in three days. Four of those summits are among the most remote in the park, and a fifth is one I attempted unsuccessfully last December. I have two mountains left to complete the Adirondack 46ers.
Here's a picture from the summit of Skylight.
I took four days off last week to go to a wedding. It the most time I've had off in a row since I opened the shop two years ago.
If you drive away from Portland for thirty minutes all the coffee is at best mediocre. I found out the same holds true for San Jose.
Bought a suit, for the wedding and for the future. I've never owned a new suit. I like it.
- all the coffee is at best mediocre.
Not a coffee drinker here, so pardon my ignorance... but it's comments like this that make me wonder how Starbucks makes SO MUCH MONEY. But maybe it's... like McDonalds. They don't make the best hamburger, but they make the SAME hamburger no matter where you go in the world. Is that it?
and congrats on the suit. I hate wearing them... until I'm wearing one... and yah... it feels good to look one's best once in a while.
Starbucks changed coffee for much of America. Before they spread like the plague coffee was mostly worse (depending on your taste, but decidedly better than Folgers there is room to debate the merits of diner style coffee). They ruled the roost for a long time and people got really used to drinking that which they push. What they push is blends that have little distinctive flavor. It's really hard to provide a consistent cup of coffee with distinctive flavor on the scale they operate, probably impossible (Same coffee plant on different sides of a hill will taste different). They blend a bunch of coffee together to make a pretty muddled average tasting coffee and then burn the shit out of it. Brewed charcoal has an amazingly consistent flavor profile! It's less bitter and acidic than the coffee people two generations ago drank and it's probably the best coffee you can easily get your hands on in most the country.
Starbucks doesn't sell a lot of straight drip coffee. They sell a lot of milkshakes with a bit of coffee in it. They sell a caffeine sugar rush with slick marketing. They pay reality show celebrities to hold their cups logo side out on their Instagram accounts. People drink Starbucks because they identify with the brand and like how caffeine and sugar make them feel. Starbucks moved in two blocks from my shop, it made no difference in my business. A few customers probably went to them for their coffee milkshakes and a few new ones checked me out to spite Starbucks. Starbucks is right down the street selling a lifestyle and I'm over here selling coffee.
Most coffee is mediocre because making good coffee is hard work. I do very little of that hard work, my roaster does a lot of it. He tries a shit ton of coffee, he has two buyers who try more at different ports. Most my coffee comes from one family, farm or co-op. Each coffee is a unique product of how and where it was grown and processed. They pick a few they like, buy up what they can, run it for a few months and hunt up some more. My roaster has 5-7 pour over coffees on his menu at any given time, they are all distinct. I guarantee that I'd hate at least one of them and that someone out there loves the one I hate. How he roasts it is a whole other ball game. A coffee can bit brilliant or horrible depending on how it's roasted. The way he roasts for the brewing equipment I have is different from the way he roasts for the equipment in his shop.
Nice little insight into the business, cgod. I'd prefer to have a coffee at your place.
I guess it's similar to the way beer went - mass-produced flavourless but consistent beers that are easy to drink and that ended up dominating the market until the craft thing kicked off a few years ago.
Ive been buying beans from here: http://swroasting.com/. They run me around $20 a lb after shipping but always arrive 2-3 days after roasting and are excellent.
It gets a bit expensive but its hard to get anything nearly as good as the home made stuff. Now if only I could figure out how to not get channeling in my espresso... I swear I've tried everything and I've mostly given up. No mater what I do the bottomless portafiler always has at least a spray or 2. cgod any advice?
Using a Oscar Espresso machine and Mazzer grinder. Only thing I can think of is that the Oscar doesn't have a pressure relief valve to stabilize the pressure at 9 psi so that might be contributing to the channeling.
I think that bottomless portafilters are a gimmick to reward people for neurosis.
I get a new espresso I pour a shot and adjust tamp and grind until I get a 2.5-3 oz extraction in about 22 seconds. I taste it. If it tastes like shit I try a shorter and longer pulls and try tamping it different. I can usually find a grind that pulls in 22 seconds that tastes decent. I've had espressos that I never did get a pull I was happy with and others that are so forgiving I could pull a five ounce shot in 40 seconds and drink it straight.
If you like your espresso than enjoy it and don't worry that everything about the pull isn't exactly like the snob in the video pulls.
I've had shots pulled from guys that paid big money to go to espresso school that were undrinkable. They weighed that shit, tamped it with a pressure regulated pull arm tamper, got a beautiful zebra strip in the crema, decanted into graduated cylinders for the perfect quantity timed out with a stopwatch and it tasted foul.
You can go by the book or by taste. I think taste is the way to go. People get way to caught up in the details. The details are good, they give you some bounds to work in but in the end are you making a product that you enjoy or are you enjoying torturing yourself?
The owner of one of the more respected shops in town has a $2000 grinder in his kitchen. He grinds that shit up every morning and extracts in a $20 Mr. Coffee machine he bought at the supermarket. It's a fine way to make coffee. I don't really like his coffee because he is into blends but he likes it. I'm sure he gets a lot of pleasure out of the bazillion dollar espresso machine he has in his shop but I think that thing is half for show because the machine at his roastery is nothing special.
I'd assume that most home machines are going to be fussier than a big ass espresso machine that cost a few grand at the low end. My machine is old and HOT. It's not optimal but with a bit of care I can generally pull a pretty decent shot. I've got a roaster that knows my equipment and is roasting with it's problems in mind, I think it probably helps.
- Starbucks doesn't sell a lot of straight drip coffee. They sell a lot of milkshakes with a bit of coffee in it.
I can find no data but I have long hypothesized that the rise of Starbuck's coincides nicely with the fall of Baskin Robbins.
- Most coffee is mediocre because making good coffee is hard work. I do very little of that hard work, my roaster does a lot of it. He tries a shit ton of coffee, he has two buyers who try more at different ports. Most my coffee comes from one family, farm or co-op. Each coffee is a unique product of how and where it was grown and processed.
I think this gets missed by nearly everyone: coffee is an agricultural crop subject to delicate chemical processing that then decreases in quality over time. Starbuck's spends a lot more effort on supply chain consistency than Dunkin' Donuts does, and hella more than Yuban (for example). All the bullshit people do to coffee beyond brewing it has more to do with the bullshit than the coffee which is why most Starbuck's orders are "coffee with seven modifiers" - supply chain consistency or no, you're absolutely right: "What they push is blends that have little distinctive flavor."
I think this:
Comes from a consumer inability to acknowledge that the majority of the flavor they experience comes from a chain they know about as well as they know the winemakers of the Zinfandel they drink (and red wines are orders of magnitude more stable than coffee).
I don't like their coffee but when I think about how hard it must be to make that much coffee taste the same everywhere I have to admire them.
I like McDonalds coffee better than Starbucks. It's blend of south American arabica's and they don't burn the living shit out of it. It isn't great but it isn't all that bad in a pinch. It's better than the coffee at the fancy hotel I stayed at this weekend for sure.
It's pretty difficult to ensure consistency in a product that is being supplied by numerous farms across the world, roast and ground on numerous machines with potentially different manufacturers and certainly different serials across the United States in house and/or by co-manufacturers, and then drank by millions of people worldwide. Oh also having to take into aged inventory/product shelf life, blah blah blah. The industrial coffee supply chain is an amazing thing. I always want to contribute more than I do to these discussions.
I don't like Starbucks coffee, yet I get one almost every morning, for two reasons:
1. They have protein-rich items for breakfast. Not just sugary pastries.
2. It's easy.
Starbucks coffee tastes burned. I have no less than 5 locally-owned, small-business coffee shops available to me on the way to work, and they all have incredible coffee. (Stumptown, Herkimer, Verace.) I love each of these boutique coffee shops.
But: They don't have a drive-thru. They don't have protein items for breakfast.
I know. I am shallow and weak and useless, and hurting small business and helping a big corporate behemoth (that, incidentally, was the first major employer in WA State to provide Domestic Partner benefits, and have successfully created safe public gathering spaces (their "third space") for every gender, race, color, and creed, in almost every country in the world) , but the truth is that it is 6:00 in the morning, and I just want a fucking coffee and something to eat that isn't going to spike my blood sugar and leave me crashing by 10:AM.
On the weekends, with my wife, with friends, etc, I would never touch a Starbucks, and often introduce people to my favorite little coffee shops.
Driving to work in the morning? It's talk radio and the Starbucks drive-thru.
And yes, I am ashamed. Ashamed and caffeinated.
I remember having Italian students who were obsessed with coffee, and obsessed with Starbucks. They'd complain about how the coffee in Ireland is terrible - "too much water!" they'd say, being used to espressos rather than americanos, and it always fell on deaf ears when I pointed out that they could just order an espresso. But I digress. I remember their obsession with Starbucks and their excitement to visit it, which just about made sense to me until I discovered that they'd never even been there before. As in, Starbucks doesn't exist in Italy. Their love for this place they'd never been that served coffee they didn't like was based entirely on social media, it seemed - on American Instagram and Twitter accounts that they followed.
I wouldn't knock Starbucks. I don't really go there, but their coffee is coffee. It's okay; it does the job. The way they label their sizes is annoying because saying "cappucino grande" makes me feel like an idiot, but other than that they're just a big coffee chain like any of the others. I have no feelings toward them one way or the other.
But I agree that I don't really know why they're popular.
- The prediction came true: Each new Starbucks store created a local buzz, drawing new converts to the latte-drinking fold. When the lines at Starbucks grew beyond the point of reason, these converts started venturing out—and, Look! There was another coffeehouse right next-door! Hyman's new neighbor boosted his sales so much that he decided to turn the tactic around and start targeting Starbucks. "We bought a Chinese restaurant right next to one of their stores and converted it, and by God, it was doing $1 million a year right away," he said.
I decided on Sunday night that I will crush this week. False motivation is the best motivation.
My thesis isn't moving forward much - I am having a hard time motivating myself to work hard because I don't think an excellent thesis is within my reach. I keep running into methodological issues that I can't easily resolve. Obviously that means my thesis will end up a mediocre pile of meh.
I don't know what to do with my life. In the comfort zone that is higher education I know what to do to make the most out of it, but beyond that I have no idea. I've been looking into job listings and nothing excited me. Obviously that means I will be doomed to a life of mediocrity when I graduate.
Rationally, I know that isn't true and I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I just can't shake those feelings and insecurities so they keep gnawing at me.
I know that feeling. Hell, I'm dealing with that feeling now. Education and academia are nice in a sense because you are moving along a nicely-carved path with goalposts and achievements, but then you get to the end and you're not too sure where you're moving towards anymore.
If you lean on that metaphor really hard, then you should be able to conclude that the end of the trail presents an opportunity for exploration and discovery or some shit. I haven't figured out how to translate that into reality though.
I saw this yonks ago on Reddit with the title "Life Until Graduation", which can be interpreted either as representing emptiness or freedom depending on your point of view.
I remember that. It's a perfect representation of the experience in my mind.
I recall people going both ways on how to interpret it. Thinking back now, I wonder if there was a trend with how people interpreted it depending on their pre- vs. post-grad status.
- I don't know what to do with my life.
I wish I could say this goes away... buckle up.
- Obviously that means I will be doomed to a life of mediocrity when I graduate.
This simply isn't true... keep doing that crazy cool shit you're doing... that ethereum guide was fantastic.
- I don't know what to do with my life. In the comfort zone that is higher education I know what to do to make the most out of it, but beyond that I have no idea. I've been looking into job listings and nothing excited me. Obviously that means I will be doomed to a life of mediocrity when I graduate.
Painful and difficult thoughts. I hope you find the way (and if you do, let me know).
Quoting people is hard here because I don't have a | key on my laptop anymore...
Subheadings
Work
I'm now familiar enough with my new protocols to work independently. I've covered a few weekend shifts and I'm now much more comfortable up on the actual hospital floor by myself when I have to collect samples or administer a survey or something. My boss would like me to be faster with my paperwork/reporting, which makes sense. We have a high enrollment rate and I need to be able to close cases and move on to the next one in a timely manner. I'm trying to get into good habits, and I'm probably more completionist than I need to be. I'd rather get as close to 100% on my first pass than have to come back to things days or weeks later, and I am learning that while this is a noble goal, it's not really reasonable. After we identify a patient with a liver injury we need to collect records from several different sources (Referring hospital, primary doctor, any and all pharmacies) and that process takes time. So I am doing what I can, passing on things as completed as they can be, and trying to not worry about it. My boss isn't concerned with the quality of my work so far, just the tempo, which I think is going to increase naturally as I gain confidence.
School
The RPS had her first day of the semester last week. She's excited but at the same time terrified. She's easing her way back into college with an 8 credit hour semester, which I think is fitting. I'd love to see her knock this semester out of the park to gain confidence for the few that she has left. Once she's settled with her new schedule I'm going to encourage her to find an extracurricular or two to get involved with. If she made the audition, she could come sing with my choir and actually get credit for it, as one example. Maybe it's a bit too overprotective, but I want to make sure she gets the most out of the rest of her college experience, both personally and professionally. She's leaving for a cruise with her family this Friday, back next week and her professors (Except chem lab) are being very accomodating, which helps.
With regard to myself, I continue to make progress on French (25%) and Italian (10%) on Duolingo, and that feels good. Spanish would have infinitely more utility but I had it pushed on me as an unwilling child and the thought of pursuing it as an adult feels gross. I'm also taking a Google Analytics course but progress is slow, mainly because I am always coming up with something better to do than do the course.
At some point I need to drag out my Grad School comparison sheet. It has a few different degree programs on it from a few different universities with some pluses and minuses next to them. I must admit I feel somewhat stalled in my professional development because while I'm always learning more and more while at work, I'm still not at all sure of what my next step would be professionally. I guess I could pursue the role of a Research Monitor but that would take me away from patient contact which I really don't want to lose. The problem is that all of the (Non-MD) research positions that actually interface with the patient population are low in the institutional hierarchy. If you want to actually see sick people and work in research, you're pretty much stuck with the frontline work and little else. Every now and then I'm tempted to start thinking along the lines of working for a pharmaceutical company, but I worry that private sector work would steal too much of my soul.
Body
Exercise has been spotty since the move. The RPS and I like to do yoga together but we haven't found enough matching time in our schedules to make it happen. Hopefully when she gets back from her trip we can start to make things more regular. In the meantime I'm going to just take more personal responsibility for getting my ass up on the bike, out on the yoga mat, and take care of myself because I'm worth it, even if it sucks to do it alone.
Blood tests keep coming back with good, healthy numbers. Heart failure isn't really reversible, but from a chemical standpoint I'm doing exceptionally well. It's easier to feel proud of that now versus a few months ago because I'm really seeing the change in my symptom frequency, and my tastebuds have mostly adapted to the low-salt life.
- just take more personal responsibility for getting my ass up on the bike, out on the yoga mat, and take care of myself because I'm worth it, even if it sucks to do it alone.
This week I had the thought that it's time I start running again... the struggle is real. Last night I dreamt that I was running in Manhattan and it was a great experience. All alone, in the city, just running. It was raining and it was even pleasant... now I just need to ACTUALLY get my ass into shoes and out on the road.
I was just thinking back to when I started doing yoga regularly. The hardest part was convincing myself that 15-20 minutes would actually do good. Once I've actually started, if it's yoga or meditation or the exercise bike, it's not hard to at least finish the session.
You have kids, is there a way to integrate one or more of them into your exercise?
Stai imparando italiano? Benissimo! Anch'io, pure con Duolingo.
- my tastebuds have mostly adapted to the low-salt life
You are a stronger man than I.
I'm at my friend's house with my sister. We decided "Wednesday is for the girls!!!(dance moves)" It'a all Papa Johns, Shocktop and Rick and Morty. Well, my friend is drinking Seaquench with a tequila floater, but some of us have been under the weather all day and hard liquor is beyond our capabilities.
Friend's got a great dog, Rosebud - but, in the nature of nicknames and especially nonverbal animal nicknames, Rosebud lately often becomes "Ro-butt" or even "Robot." I've got a great (fat black calico) cat called Ruth, and I live with my sister. Ruth often becomes "Roofie" or "Woof" (lately, even, "Woo"). Guess what we keep accidentally calling the dog.
Moments in a life. The older I get, the more I fully realize this is my only body and all of its past becomes part of what I carry through each future day. But that's not morbid...it's kind of interesting and cool. Besides, it's probably the best teacher of cause and effect I could have.
- Moments in a life. The older I get, the more I fully realize this is my only body and all of its past becomes part of what I carry through each future day. But that's not morbid...it's kind of interesting and cool. Besides, it's probably the best teacher of cause and effect I could have.
Interesting. We're about the same age and as time goes on I seem to feel more and more of a disconnect between myself and my body. A lack of "harmony" (or whatever).
I'm so fucking excited about my holiday. Most adventurous trip I'll ever have been on (in terms of the amount of ground I'll be covering, unfamiliarity of the environment, etc). I hope to see as many of you as I can. Already made a thread for that:
There are probably some other things I could talk about here but I can't remember what they are.
I thought, for a brief bit, that thenewgreen was standing in the same line as me at the gas station the other day. In profile, the resemblance was uncanny. I was going through a mini dialog in my head and decided that on the off chance it was him, I'd stop him as he was heading out and asked if he ever heard of an obscure band named "The New Green." If it was, I'd tell him who I was, make a comment on how small the world can be when we least expect it, and maybe offer to exchange numbers.
As soon as the guy turned around and I could see his face from straight on, it was quite clear that it wasn't him. Oh well.
I know. Right?
keifermiller has posted a few pictures of himself on here before and he looks the spitting image of one of my old co-workers. If it wasn't for his posts, I'd figure he was him.
I once had a few beers with a bunch of strangers, one of whom I could've sworn was kleinbl00 (despite not knowing what he looks like). I did something similar to your plan - after a brief lull in the conversation I asked "Have any of you guys ever heard of a painting called International Klein Blue?" and when they said no I just passed it off as if I'd been daydreaming about a weird blue painting.
CHICKEN
Tyson wants to come to town. I suspect they will get to, but it won't be a fun affair.
APPARTMENT
The unit next to us finally rented. It has been empty the entire 9 months we have lived here. The new tenants are... frigid. Say "hi", and they just keep lookin' forward and walk past. Meh.
That said, we've been here 9 months, and we don't have any red flags about continuing to live here. This is unprecedented. The goal is to stay here a few years until we have a down payment together.
BREAKFAST
I'm eating a large bowl of refried beans and meatless taco meat.
Working on another race report. This will be the last one in a while and then maybe I'll stop yammering so much on that topic. People who trail run are amazing, we'll leave it at that for now.
Moved again. I live in a house now for the first time in my life. I've lived in apartments and townhouses my entire life and have never had much of a yard or area that feels like "home", minus one townhouse in college. This already feels like a stress lifted off my shoulders compared to the last place and people I was living with. Very excited to be able to walk to about everything I need outside of work, and to hopefully start playing guitar a bit more often. It's going to be a nice place for having people over, and maybe even building a bit more of a community among friends, runners or otherwise. It's been a lot of work, and life is not slowing down anytime soon.
I bought a book on house plants! What kind of house plants do you all like!?