Ugh. I had forgotten how uncomfortable writing can be. The editor did a great job of pointing out everything I did wrong, but seeing dozens of comments on my piece feels like being pummeled and I haven't been able to shake that feeling entirely. If I keep at it it'll eventually be good, but between now and then is a chasm of self-doubt and frustration. The book I'm reading, The Lonely City, is lukewarm at best. It's a third autobiography, a third art analysis and a third George Packer-esque biographies about artists. Sorry, but I don't really care much about what the color green represents in Hopper's Nighthawks. It doesn't help that I haven't been feeling very social myself either. I can't relate to any of the colleagues at my thesis-internship-place much and I haven't been able to see my peers much because I am now working on my thesis full-time. One of my friends can't come along the road trip, so now we're splitting the costs over 4 instead of 5, which means that we might have to change plans to keep costs down. Another friend really wants to come along but can't pay for it. I'm considering chipping in, but money and his independence is a bit of a sensitive issue. There's a bunch of other stuff frustrating me that I won't bore you all with, but I wanted to get this off my chest.
I don't think it's boring. But I also understand your self-consciousness about sharing it all. I've been going through so much but I don't want to use up Hubski's goodwill and patience. I'm really proud and impressed with your Headspace streak. And the fact that you wrote a thesis. To be honest, getting back a written piece without comments or constructive feedback can be dangerous. This might be a little too abstract to be helpful, but encouraging the mindset of "my writing is great and needs little to no improvement" is only good for padding your mood. That said, a padded mood can be a good thing.
Thanks, man. I appreciate it. :) I think it's pretty difficult to wear out Hubski's patience. But I also think that you should only share what you feel comfortable sharing. Quite a large part of my frustrations stem from being confronted with parts of myself that I've struggled with for a long time. A while ago I realized that the slow and incremental approach to things and to life in general might be a better path for me. Small changes that stick are much better than large changes that don't get realized. Maybe that's something you can find a use for as well.
A most stubborn fact.Small changes that stick are much better than large changes that don't get realized.
I got some rather critical comments back on a draft that I'd sent to my coauthors, only a few hours after I emailed it out. For about 2 days, my thoughts were along the lines of "These people are just jealous they didn't write this! Probably trying to sabotage me", etc. (it's a hyper-competitive project). That gradually gave way to "Holy shit, I hate what I've done! What an embarrassing structure I tried to use. I really am rambling here, and they were only trying to help", etc. etc. There aren't many (any?) grad students laying golden eggs inside the papers of scientific journals. If you can just make your reviewers happy and forgive yourself for not being perfect, that's the worst part of the whole thing, I think. Yeah, this is difficult, especially the first few attempts, but we both know you've already shown massive improvement.