Kinebars. I've been tempted by kinebars a time or two myself. here's the thing you need to know about goldbuggers - they fundamentally believe either (A) the world is about to be disrupted along the lines of the German depression (B) economics is fundamentally and irrevocably wrong and has been since the invention of fractional reserve banking in the Italian Renaissance (C) both. Obviously you can speculate on gold if you think everyone else is crazier than you but as a market, precious metals are predatory. The cash-for-gold guys are rapacious, and that's on top of the fact that the market price of your precious metal is about 1/5th what you paid for the jewelry it got made into. And crypto nerds are goldbuggers with an aversion to physical things.
Wow. I looked them up on Wikipedia and apparently they're stamped and certified by UBS. I've read some pretty nasty things about them in the past, like fraud and money laundering and stuff. Gold is gold, but that association makes Kinebars seem sketchy too all of the sudden.
Hey, man. Fanta was created so that Coca Cola could stay afloat in Nazi Germany. UBS is only marginally more evil than you would expect a money-laundering multinational headquartered in a tax haven to be. You know you want 'em.