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comment by steve
steve  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: May 10, 2017

Our house goes live on the market today. We will find out if we're priced too high (I think we are).

Then we just need to find a home for sale in the neighborhood my wife wants, in a market where we're second only to San Francisco for lowest inventory... it's terrifying.

I also just found a vape pen and juice in my kid's backpack. By kid.... I mean my 16.5 year old. It's funny, I'm not that mad that he has the pen... the juice is just juice... 0% nicotine... so it's not like he's even getting a buzz. I think I'm most upset that he is hiding it... and honestly - the most upsetting part is that I've spend well over $30,000 on his asthmatic lungs throughout his life. Having him vape or smoke or do anything to harm those lungs over which I've lost countless nights of sleep... that just cuts me to the core.

To add insult to injury, he and a friend were making some videos on his iPad - just stupid kid stuff like climbing into storm drains and goofing off... they're using a ton of obscenity (which I care less about) but they were calling each other "ni&&er" and "fa&&ot" - both of which are unused/unacceptable in my home, and completely offensive to who I thought we were as people. The irony is that his best friend at school is african american. I wonder what she would think.

Lot's of emotions at the moment... we'll see how this goes.

But I'm relaxed... and waiting to have a conversation with him. A wise friend who's kids are all now grown gave me the following advice:

    Listen more, talk less



blackbootz  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I've only ever been on one side of this equation, so I'm exceptionally ill-qualified to proffer advice. But I think you're taking the developments in great stride. Knowing how hard I pushed boundaries, I bet I'll be blessed with quadruplets living the terrible twos until their twenties.

If it makes you feel any better, there was a time (incidentally, at the exact same age as your son) where I was obsessed with the n-word. It's not that I lacked the brain development to understand the reasons why it was off limits. I simply lacked the executive control to stop myself from relishing the thrill of dabbling in taboos. It wore off quickly. It's a stupid phase, but part of being sixteen is doing things you aren't supposed to because you aren't supposed to.

steve  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    relishing the thrill of dabbling in taboos. It wore off quickly. It's a stupid phase, but part of being sixteen is doing things you aren't supposed to because you aren't supposed to.

Yep... I know I did my share of dabbling...

snoodog  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Those words have a lot of baggage associated to them that's lost on a 16 year old. When you are young it's just a bad word, you don't really think about it in context of cultural sensitivity or the historical oppression. Only advice I would have is to keep it off the internet permanent record. Things on the internet never go away no matter how long ago or how different of a person you are.

steve  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    keep it off the internet permanent record

That's an excellent point.

lil  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

wow a lot to deal with and it isn't even 9:00 a.m. in your time zone.

the main thing that is upsetting to me about your post is that you pay health insurance. I guess our taxes are higher, but still

all the best as the day gets older.

steve  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

thank lil.

yah... paying for healthcare sucks balls (and not in a good way)

user-inactivated  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    To add insult to injury, he and a friend were making some videos on his iPad - just stupid kid stuff like climbing into storm drains and goofing off... they're using a ton of obscenity (which I care less about) but they were calling each other "nier" and "fa*got" - both of which are unused/unacceptable in my home, and completely offensive to who I thought we were as people. The irony is that he best friend at school is african american. I wonder what she would think.

If you ever feel comfortable talking about what happened afterwards, please do. I find such an insight into a grown child and a parent's relationship very important for me as a someone who looks forward to having a family of his own.

steve  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

We both kept our cool. I think he understands that I love him and that's the most important part. We had a good dialog.

user-inactivated  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

This is not what I had in mind, but I understand that you'd want to keep it between you and your child, and I'm glad you both are okay from the situation.

johnnyFive  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I get you viz your son, but two truths come to mind: 1) teenagers are invincible and dumb, and 2) social conventions change.

goobster  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Next time your son's black friend is within earshot, you should tell him, "Hey! Why don't you share those videos you took with ____? I bet she'd like to see them!"

And then leave.

She will ask about the videos. He will realize the problem. And he will have to deal with it.

kleinbl00  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If I could choose one era where it made sense to sell and rent for eighteen months, it would be summer 2007-winter 2008.

But if i could choose two, the other would start about three months ago.

And shit - 18 months from now you should be needing one less bedroom, right? ;-)

steve  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

if this kid doesn't figure things out.... I might need one less bedroom by morning...

nah... in all seriousness - none of our kids have their own room. We live in 3 bedrooms now. I won't be able to loose a room for like... 6 years minimum.