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comment by keifermiller
keifermiller  ·  407 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: I'm not welcome as a teacher, don't know why.

    Few hours ago I had a short discussion via email with the principal that boils down to "we don't really want you to do any more lessons" with some of the least supported by evidence reasons I've seen this side of "we need to make more ice cubes to combat global warming".

You were donating your time to the school, and the principal wasn't professional enough to have a straight conversation with you? I'd venture the reasons aren't terribly important, because office politics are inane at the best of times.

The real question is,

    I actually feel really, really, good in a role of lecturer.

do you want to find another outlet for that?

Devac  ·  407 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    principal wasn't professional enough to have a straight conversation with you?

True, but keep in mind the time difference. She emailed me after hours (19:20) and May in Polish schools is always hectic due to the matura exam season. It's not like I don't think that it's kinda shitty of her to not do it in person, but it's more than likely that she genuinely had no time. But I don't want to make excuses for it so think of it as me just laying down some possible background.

    do you want to find another outlet for that?

Absolutely! And it's not like there aren't any other schools that would go for it. I just don't know if I want to do it just this second. Not gonna lie, this situation bummed me out and I'll likely give it a rest until the next semester.

nowaypablo  ·  407 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I'll likely give it a rest until the next semester.

If the true reasoning was some flaw in your performance as a lecturer, I think the absolute worst thing you could do is to give it a rest. If there are flaws you need to find a way to do it again in some form, record yourself, and find out exactly what you need to improve on.

Devac  ·  406 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I appreciate the advice. Really, I do and thank you for it. But that whole "push yourself to try again straight after a failure" never really worked for me. Believe me, it was tried time and time again when I tried to learn (or improve) how to swim, ride a bike, care for plants or deliver lines. It was at best just kinda frustrating, at worst it was causing me to burn out this much faster.

nowaypablo  ·  406 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Well I'm not trying to give you a motivational speech here, but any sort of public speaking or performance in front of a crowd is pretty complicated and a difficult thing to master. I'm just saying that you clearly love speaking about these subjects that you love to study, and if one failure-- one which you still have not gotten a clear explanation for-- is going to make you take a break, then it seems like you're betraying your commitments to these things.

I played piano for 12 years and ended up playing at some really big stages more than once. After a shitty, shitty performance I wanted nothing more than to have nothing to do with the piano for a while, but my mom made me watch the recordings which I fucking hated doing. I ended up glad that I had these recordings to be able to proactively assess my performance instead of wallowing in the failure.

Not trying to push you in any way, just pointing out that you're doing something really really cool, which makes me pretty jealous as someone who loves physics but is mediocre at it, and you may be taking a setback a little too harshly here.