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comment by ButterflyEffect
ButterflyEffect  ·  226 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: May 3, 2017

Figured out a major source of my social anxiety is due to not really having a place in society. I'm becoming a full time runner and outdoorsy person, and yeah, I'm am engineer who's really into coffee. But I've been a part time punk for a while now, part time coffee in the sense that the scale I'm at is so far removed from everyone else, and I don't really have a societal group. Most of the runners are in a different part of life than I'm in. The punks are, well, punks. Everyone has their enclave, and here I am using my company phone over bluetooth in a new car to play Unwound. Not that I have a clue what to do about this.

I moved again. Way South in the same city, less desirable area, with two people I know. I'm paying half what I had been laying in rent, so the remainder is subsidizing the car I bought and otherwise going into my student loan payments. Thinking this will be a six to nine month arrangement and then likely moving into a studio.




lil  ·  226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Figured out a major source of my social anxiety is due to not really having a place in society.
This line gave me a long pause. I wondered,

What does this mean?

Who determines whether we have a place or not?

How do we make a place for ourselves?

How long does it take?

How do immigrants and refugees feel?

How much 'othering' is going on by people who feel more entitled?

Is it an internal belief system that determines our place in society or external forces who are excluding us?

I could probably write a dozen more questions.

user-inactivated  ·  226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Shall we try to find answers, or is the state of mystery more exciting to you?

lil  ·  226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

We might need to each find our own answers, but in the process we can benefit by sharing our meditations.

user-inactivated  ·  226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

A wise thought.

oyster  ·  226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Same same. I've been working on that because I find I don't get into things enough to call them "my things". I feel like because of that I'm not confident enough to really engage people on them. I think that's called impostor syndrome or something.

That's why I moved to the mountains to just kind of do whatever for a year or so.

ButterflyEffect  ·  226 days ago  ·  link  ·  

What have you been doing to work on them? There are so many people I know who want to move to the mountains for a year or two.

oyster  ·  225 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Just playing and exploring really. It's what we are supposed to do in our childhood and teenage year in order to form some identity. I think some of us just need to move to a place with less responsibility and obligations to achieve that. The best was my last job our here. It was a 6 month contract and even though the job sucks you can be whoever you want for 6 months since you just leave at the end.

ButterflyEffect  ·  225 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    It was a 6 month contract and even though the job sucks you can be whoever you want for 6 months since you just leave at the end.

Very enjoyable experience, and something I first discovered when moving across the United States. Think it's part of why I've turned to hiking and camping so much, too. You find sides of yourself you didn't know existed. But I think at the same time it provides an interim period that contributes to the issues in my initial comment.

oyster  ·  225 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hiking and camping are great but they're also more small group or solo things. Moving far away isn't bad either but it's different when every persons time there has a pretty short expiry date and everybody is already planning to be on various continents after.

ButterflyEffect  ·  225 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Moving far away isn't bad either but it's different when every persons time there has a pretty short expiry date and everybody is already planning to be on various continents after.

Mmm, yeah, sounds exactly like life in the Pacific Northwest in your 20s.

oyster  ·  225 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Nah, It's really not comparable to living in civilization. It's hard to explain, I've done the moving around to different places for a short time and it's not really similar to stepping outside of society for a bit. Banff would be different though I think, they have an elementary school and stuff so it's not really as far removed.