It's been 3 years, 8 months since I left Pennsylvania. I moved to Ohio around July of 2013. As of may 15th, maybe sooner, I'm leaving the state, hopefully for good. I'm moving to New York, to work as a technical consultant.
Its been a strange month for me. Well two months soon. I quit my job back in March: two hours of commuting in a car to a job that wasn't fulfilling was killing me, I was exhausted, gained back a ton of weight, everything. But I got an offer over Christmas. Originally Chicago, then changed last week to new york.
Ever since moving here I've hated the state. I hate the attitude. I hate the people. I hate the schools, I hate the food. I hate the roads and the shitty Internet. The only good thing to come out of it is that I realized what a life of complacency and safe choices gets you. You get a suburb of Dayton Ohio. You get politics in a home owners association, you get school systems that treat my little brother like shit, you get egos based around colleges known most for football. You get boring, fat, flaccid, sad people waiting to either leave or die.
I have no idea how to write a good send off. I'm busy looking for apartments. My computer also broke, so I'm fixing that. I don't have time to really relish anything yet. I want to run down everything wrong with this state everything wrong with the people. All the shit that comes out when people live dead little lives eating at chain restaurants or going to a super hero movie and acting like it's culture. I want to shove my boot so far up the uptight, polite assholes that live here, that they'll be able to floss with the laces. I want to smack every person in the state who gave me the millionth fake smile and shitty joke as if pretending things were great made it so.
But I can't. One, that's illegal. Two, you'd need a long boot to go up the human ass.
So I'll say this.
When I first went back to college, the advisor I met with said I should take one class, to get me back in to it. The Ohio way of doing things. Safe. Slow. Shitty.
So I'll say it here. Fuck you. I make more money than you. I got out. I put out an application for every job I could, I studied like mad for interviews. I worked hard in school, and I got out. I didn't go through a direct path, I didn't do your fucking shitty internships. I got an opportunity, I took it, and I ran.
That's my big fuck you to the state. To everyone who says you can't do it, or you should take the easy path, or that you'll never get better, or that you should give up? Fuck you. Fuck your safety, fuck your complacency, fuck your values. Eat my dick. Eat a whole bag of dicks.
For everyone else who feels trapped like I did? I'll impart this wisdom on you. You've probably heard it before, but fuck it. I'm probably not qualified to say this yet, but fuck it.
The path in life is not straight. It isn't fair. It's not easy. If you're stuck in the Midwest, in a shitty town surrounded by shitty people who tell you every way you can fail? Fuck those people. Don't listen to a goddamn word they say. They're zombies.
No matter how bad you fuck up, no matter how many times something goes wrong, no matter how impossible something seems? Do it. Fail at it. Get up. Do it again. Be an idiot. Care more than anyone else. Be selfish. Be opinionated. Shit on everyone's favorite movie because you know what? It was actually fucking terrible.
The people in your life who tell you to give up and just accept the cards you got, to take the safe route and the easy path, they're zombies. They're background characters. They'll grow up, get married at 24, have an average number of kids, and die wondering why they feel so empty. They don't matter. What they say doesn't matter. They've given up, and that's them. That's their path. That's the easy way.
Here's what matters. That you know, when push comes to shove, when you're down, when you're at the end of the line? That you can do something. Anything. You can reach down in to a part of you most people never get close to, and pull it up and fucking show everyone what you can do. It doesn't matter if they recognize it. It doesn't matter if they approve of it. What matters is that you can do it.
So go out there and give a shit. Go change your major. You'll make it work. Find a job you don't hate, fuck the paycheck. Write that book your were thinking of, go pick up drawing. Learn hiking paths, learn how to make videos. Get really good at a video game. Get in fights about politics. Learn how to make jokes that push boundaries, be honest with people, be dishonest, do whatever the fuck it is that you need to do.
The only thing you can't do is give up. In the end, that's my biggest fuck you to Ohio. To the attitude I've seen for four years. To the petty people, to the racist shitbags I've had to room with. To the weird red pill guy from my astronomy class.
I didn't give up. Not in the end, and I got out.
Fuck you Ohio.