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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  424 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: March 22, 2017

I'm quietly falling apart. I'm anxious, overwhelmed and tired. The thoughts of self-harm are coming back, for the first time since months or even years.

I have several important uni projects pending, and I can't seem to make any progress in any of them. Two of them are already post-deadline, and I haven't even started making sense of them. I've skipped a month's worth of classes already, and only have enough in me to visit the classes I like or those where attendance is as much as you need to get a credit.

Tried to reach out with that to a couple of people. They didn't know what I'm talking about and didn't care to find out. Neither has shown me sympathy or empathy. Shit, it was me who ended up extending the hand, because I'm giving.

I have no idea what to do. All I know is that action breeds action: what you do defines what you do next. I'm gonna see if I can gather it and put myself through one of the tougher subjects I've been skipping tomorrow.

I'm giving a private lesson on Russian to Patrick, and as much as I am excited about it, I don't even have the basic materials for it. All because I can't do enough to make it to the search.

I'm a fucking mess.

user-inactivated  ·  424 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Take all of this with a grain of salt and understand that in a lot of these things, I'm an idiot. But here are some thoughts . . .

For your classes, maybe start going to them. It seems like a lot now, since your so far behind, but the more you wait the harder it will be to get caught up and the more scared you'll be of going, creating a horrible positive feedback loop that gets more and more difficult to break.

For your projects, do them to the best of your ability, finish them. Then go to your professors with them in hand, acknowledge the mistakes you made and the lateness of the assignments, and see if they'll give you some partial credit, or at the very least, some advice to getting caught back up in class.

For self harm, see some help if you can. I don't know about Russia, but in America almost every college has counselors, priests, etc. that are there to help students with the non-academic tests life brings us.

You are smart. You are strong. You want good things in your life. Embrace yourself and you'll find the strength to see things through.

kleinbl00  ·  423 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The first secret to depression and anxiety is to compartmentalize and accomplish the small things one at a time in order to diminish the pile. It's easy to "scope creep" your way to despair - note that you list four things as if they're cumulative, rather than symptoms of the underlying problem.

Do the thing you can do now and do it now. Do not frame it in reference to the millions upon millions of other things holding you back - strike against this one thing, now, and get it done. Then once that's done, strike against the next thing. Then that night, write down on a piece of paper what you accomplished - and below it, what you'd like to accomplish tomorrow. Be realistic. Be conservative. And be forgiving if you only hit half of it.

The other secret is exercise. I reckon it isn't exactly walkin' weather in Novosibersk at the moment but if you can find a swimming pool, buy some goggles and do some laps. It's contemplative, it's isolating, and it will put you in a place where you can let the monsters run through your head in a place where the only thing on your plate is facing them.

This is not a battle you will ever win. Eventually you will fight the enemy back to the demilitarized zone where you can keep them safely at bay and lead a normal, happy life... but the sooner you get into the mentality that you must fight for your happiness, the sooner you will start protecting your perimeter against incursion.

user-inactivated  ·  422 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I reckon it isn't exactly walkin' weather in Novosibersk


Thank you for a good advice - and for reminding that there's a way out.