steve -guess I was wrong.
ok... edit: Her advice on keeping am marriage strong is as thin as the article itself. Ugh. There is no magic pill to take when you're in your 40s to make your marriage strong. Yah - buy a gas guzzling money pitt with debt or your retirement fund. See how that "money problem" helps to strengthen your marriage. While I'd agree that some fun, novelty, and spontaneity may be good for a marriage... if you start during "mid-life" it may very well be too little, too late. If you're not already doing this... god help you. So you want your partner of 10-20 years to start trusting you now? oof. ... Look - some of these bubble gum flavored tips are halfway decent for newlyweds regardless of age... but seriously? buy an RV?After interviewing more than 400 people
Add novelty to your routine. Go dancing or rent an RV.
Try to think as a team. Studies show that those do so are happier and less likely to get divorced after 20 years as those who think in terms of "I" or "me."
Focus on building trust, so that your partner becomes your safe harbor, not a source of threat. Studies show you may not only save your marriage but also change your brain.
You're being way harsh on the good advice: Life acts on the inverse law of entropy: that is, it becomes more ordered with time, and this order becomes boring after a very small while, though we only notice it while drowning in it. I'm not married, but I can imagine that living with the same person in the same way day after day, month after month, can take its toll in the same way other kinds of routines do. As such, it's important to add a spice or two every once in a while; maybe not renting RV for its own sake, but dancing sounds good. I say - go ahead, learn something you didn't know, figure new things out. Travel. Explore. Do something you usually don't and see what sticks. The world is gigantic; you'll always find something new.Add novelty to your routine. Go dancing or rent an RV.
I think perhaps we agree more than it may seem. I am harsh on incurring debt (buying an RV) in order to build/fix a marriage. The kind of things you suggest: are all fantastic things. But they are things that married people (and single people) should do along the way. What I was suggesting is that people need to foster their relationships throughout their lives, and not wait for middle age malaise to set in before deciding to act.it's important to add a spice or two every once in a while; maybe not renting RV for its own sake, but dancing sounds good. I say - go ahead, learn something you didn't know, figure new things out. Travel. Explore. Do something you usually don't and see what sticks. The world is gigantic; you'll always find something new.
Certainly. Speaking from experience, though: routine sucks energy and curiosity out of you, and when you're stuck there, it's hard to get out. When you do the same thing every day (or every week, in case of students), it seems like there's nothing new under the Sun. How does one get free of such soul-sucking ideas, at least for a time?What I was suggesting is that people need to foster their relationships throughout their lives, and not wait for middle age malaise to set in before deciding to act.
That's a very weird title considering the actual article says pretty early on that it's the "high likelihood" of the midlife crisis that's the myth. I wonder if this is one of those things that got changed when an editor decided it needed a more eye catching title.
I agree. That's a really misleading title. They say that there is a midlife crisis that a small percentage of the population experiences. There is also midlife ennui which is nearly universal, according to the article. Distinguishing the two is not as clear by the way it's written. If midlife ennui is nearly universal, then that's what many people could be calling the midlife crisis and the reason for the new cars, leaving jobs and leaving spouses.
I'm 35, so while I have a bit of time before a typical age midpoint, I see it approaching. I don't see a midlife crisis approaching, though. I long for a sports car, from a Miata to an Aston Martin, but that was true when I was twenty and will probably be just as true when I'm seventy. I'm stronger and fitter at 35 than I was at 25. I have more goals now than I did at any younger age, and not only do I see how to achieve them but that path seems achievable. Midlife is just an age and doesn't change who I am. My theory is midlife crises are sometimes used as a defense, sort of "I need this red sports car because I'm 45, so kids you won't get to go to Disney World or summer camp this year." Really it's just someone justifying their (unreasonable) actions.
When I see how some people live their lives I can understand why a midlife crisis is a thing but I really don't see it happening as often now. The type of people I'm talking about spend their twenties talking about all these things they want in life while not having a plan to achieve them and actually doing things to hinder achievement most of the time. The other common scenario is someone having a mental health issue that they just assume is who they are and try to live with until years of " living with it' coupled with one bad situation come to a head. I guess in general that would be summed up as people who don't really take control of their life.
heh... I just got an email from my favorite NPR show, RadioWest. They have the author on tomorrow for their show.... should I call in? What question would you ask the author? http://radiowest.kuer.org/post/science-art-and-opportunity-midlife