not just "on the internet"
The way you dress impacts how you feel about yourself, too. Sometimes when I do not feel pretty and want to, if I take 30 minutes to put on a fancier outfit, accessorize, whatever I use to small good, etc, going through that ritual and putting that effort in will make me feel better. "Dress good to feel good," I call it.
I agree. I don't like dressing nice or taking selfies, but when I do dress nice, I can't help but take a selfie for the fun of it. Cause to be honest I'm a pretty clean cut guy already, but when I'm cleaned up and dressed nice, I look goooood. It feels great.
I see this a lot. It seems to be more prevelant in females than males where I live, I never really understood it. I feel better when I feel shitty in sweats than in a suit, even though I look awesome in a suit and pretty Rugged in sweats.
My relationships with clothing are complicated. I'm a fan of black jeans and refuse to buy or wear any other kind since adolescence. I also have accumulated an amount of black t-shirts because they seem to fit me nicely: they're not pure black, which means they have some visual contrast and, therefore, perceived brightness, but they're black, which means they aren't as bright as any other color. Most of my shoes and outerwear are still dark-grey at most; the only bright-ish thing I wear on a daily basis from autumn to spring is a dark-beige cap. At the same time, I have a few of what I consider very bright things which I enjoy wearing from time to time: a bright red hoodie with a t-shirt to match, and a pink-and-blue short-sleeve shirt. I used to wear them (or whatever bright I had at the time) when I wanted people to pay attention to me when I felt particularly lonely and needy; the fact that nobody payed to me the attention desired spiralled me further into need-induced depression. Perhaps from those failed attempts at gathering fake interest I've learned that it matters not what I wear if I wear it to impress others. They don't give a shit, and neither they should. Clothes are just that; you're talking to the person within. Now I wear bright stuff when I feel good. One might consider it an appearance diode which lights up when the proper energy flows to it. It's telling that I haven't worn the bright stuff in weeks and that I want to now. Surviving among people takes quite a bit, so maybe it will change once I return from the holiday.
The whole first section of your post sounds like me when I was 14-18. Kind of funny, black contrasting lighter black. That's similar to wearing two different hues of Blue together, can get interesting. I need my blacks to math when I wear them or I won't wear black on black as I think it looks a little weird and one always almost looks faded in comparison. Unfortunately, this statement is not really coherent with reality. Clothes should be just clothes, but they're not. People 100% judge you for what you wear and the way you groom yourself. I guess from the regard that it doesn't matter to you, then you may have a point, but people treat suited generally better than ragged. I'm definitely guilty of this as well, not necessarily with people but with other things like plants/trees I think are pretty, and the clothes that I pick to dress myself in. I have a super intense facial structure and ime the clothes that I put on vastly change the treatment/sociability of others towards me.(whether or not I agree with it I realize that is how it is) This part makes perfect sense. I tend to like brighter things/colors when I'm happy and darker ones when I'm not.Perhaps from those failed attempts at gathering fake interest I've learned that it matters not what I wear if I wear it to impress others. They don't give a shit, and neither they should. Clothes are just that; you're talking to the person within.
Now I wear bright stuff when I feel good. One might consider it an appearance diode which lights up when the proper energy flows to it. It's telling that I haven't worn the bright stuff in weeks and that I want to now. Surviving among people takes quite a bit, so maybe it will change once I return from the holiday.
Oh, don't get me wrong: I pick what I wear carefully, for aspects that I enjoy being associated with, and so do others. One can even infer what you are - or, at least, what you present yourself as - from what you wear. What I mean to say is - it's not as powerful a story as people make of it, and it certainly shouldn't impact how you treat a person. It does, very often, but it shouldn't: humans are humans, whatever they wear; it's not the color of their hat and not the silk of their jacket that makes them what they are.
Ok I think that is a bit more clearly stated lol. I would agree that clothes don't make you who you are, but they definitely affect others perspective, at least initially, of you. Which can in turn affect how you view yourself. It's like the whole rose by any other name thing. Yeah, it would smell as sweet, but it wouldn't be a rose if we called it something else. Would it?
One would be miserable to wear suits if one doesn't enjoy it. Therefore, however you call the person, the social smell of theirs won't change no matter what they wear - unless they haven't been something other than a rose already. You see what I mean?It's like the whole rose by any other name thing. Yeah, it would smell as sweet, but it wouldn't be a rose if we called it something else. Would it?
I got you. Granted I don't know that many guys who don't feel like James Bond when they put on a tux, lol.
My suits are all very comfortable. That's what I meant by bad. I was just walking around Rome in a vest/button down. The shirts are especially awesome because they are made out of insanely soft, light fabric.
I'm a childish person on the inside. I get pleasure from simple things, I enjoy making connections with people, and learning new things makes me happy. The people who know me really well have compared me to a puppy, or a golden retriever... But, people tend not to respect that type of person, which is why I tend to portray myself as much more intense than I really am. I think I intimidate people sometimes, too, but I can't bring myself to feel bad about it. I'm a smart person, but people wouldn't take me seriously if I acted that way.
The main problem with not being anonymous is that different social circles may clash in a wrong way. I have thoughts that I know would be hardly accepted in many social circles which I may enjoy, why let them have the possibility to form their narrative around me ? I prefer to keep control over what people knows. This allows you to make a specific persona. This is not about being untruthful, but to actually offer what it's of most value in the interaction. If you maintain the same identity then you have to make a message which will not infuriate any of the groups that are important to you. This limits your life. Anonymity allow self-disclosure, and the possibility of being what it's of most value in all of those groups. Selective disclosure and how you communicate your message are important tools. I don't have any personal page. I only have a social persona on the Internet under my name for career purposes, littered with some random, but positive, posts, for credibility. Social networks like Instagram or Facebook have the problem of allowing another persons to form a narrative around my life. I will appear on photos, but I don't have an account myself. I decided not to after I deleted both for the second time. I don't see I lose a lot of social credit because of this, I lose opportunities to start or continue some relationships but I also save myself with having to deal with other persons who I'm not interested in but communicate due to the low cost/risk of the interaction.
I don't hide much. It's keeps it so know one ever has any surprising/embarrassing info about me to expose, ha. Also I'm not really good at hiding how I feel, my face is fairly expressive when I do not want to be, so I can't really hide what I'm feeling. I also like to not have to come back from hiding things, hiding is dishonest IMO, and I hate that trait in people. You'll never be happy if you're not honest with yourself, I would never be happy if I was generally a dishonest person. And being dishonest about yourself is one of the worst personality traits someone can have. It will constantly leave you feeling miserable in relationships because no one will ever really know YOU. And deep down I think everyone want to be loved for exactly who they are. You ever been in a relationship where all you want is to share yourself in your entirety with your partner, but you're too scared of what their reaction might be if you actually open up and show them all of you? It's a shitty/scary place to be, especially if at some/many points you've tried to share yourself and gotten shut down or rejected for it. Now try sharing that same information with a parent that hates what you are....not really a fun situation to be in.
99%. Mostly because I'm an empty husk of a person who most likely has been suffering from depression since as early as five years old. But details.
I'm hiding most of it, often enough even from myself. I grew up in an abusive environment where being not what Mommy wants one to yields anything from a verbal backhand to childish fits of anger and/or tears. This and the part of the Russian culture that I grew up around - which is to say, the extension of what I had at home - made me a recluse and an outcast, a model of behavior which I internalized. I learned not to show any part of myself that I actually enjoyed because I was afraid of being rejected so much; still am, to an extent. It also led to the idea of me being somehow unfit to be if I think or feel this or that; I spent a lot of time in self-pity because I have little to know innate empathy (or it's just buried deep), which made me feel alien to others and, thus, inferior to them (which led to superiority complex... bad shit). Now, though, I've learned a bit of self-reliance and personal responsibility and I realize that, actually, I do have control over my life. To cut the story short, this feeling of being in control of my life gives me confidence and self-respect to follow my own better judgement and the rules I've written for myself to make my life better, and that allows me to express myself to a bigger extent even to those whose opinion I weigh high (which usually means I'd try to weasel my way into their approval in hopes of spoken compliments). This thing still persists, though. The other day I went to the university cafeteria and sat down next to my friend with the friends of hers whom I barely know. One of the friend's friends, a cheerful and open-hearted girl, asked me what my interests are. I could feel "BACK DOWN, SHE'S INVADING YOUR PRIVACY" yelling in the back of my head, which is how I react to lesser-known people being straightforward about wanting to learn something about me. I hesitated to reply and, instead, got by on the friends' suggestions. I know how to be confident - and I tried it a few times - but often enough I'm too stressed by whatever's around me (which I do unconsciously - I'm a drama queen) to go with it. Still, I'm working on it. Some days - like now, with me taking a rest from the university - are better, some days are worse; often enough, I can't even make ends meet, emotions-wise, because I so got used to bottling it up due to having no place to express myself and learn how to do it productively - which, I suppose, is the main reason why what I do sucks so much.
Hey, Fov (or was it Fove?). I appreciate it that you are checking up on me. The university thing got harder since I transfered to a different group. I'm still studying English, but on a higher skill level. One things that freaks me out is the grammar lessons, led by a nasty-ass teacher. I know I should treat teachers with respect, and I do, but this one is an asshole; not a single person in the group likes her, and we're all terrified to speak up during classes because she's got every insult in the world up her sleave. Right now I'm figuring how to deal with it; letting it go didn't help so far, because due to her insecurity I can't do any sort of proper research in the English grammar with any comfort. Barring that, I'm managing fairly well. Figuring stuff out. What I found out is that I gotta give myself free time whenever I need it; given that this interrupts my studying, this might pose a problem, because I need those rests. I gotta give preparing way beforehand a shot so that when the rest comes, I can relax. Right now there's some kind of several-days-long presentation on language and its aspects, and since it meant no studying for us, I decided to go to my hometown for a few days - those are the most refreshing and productive days I've had so far. I might want to switch for a different kind of studying, the kind whereby I study on my own for a while and come to the university to do the necessary exams (what's the English word for that?). How are you?
Good man - it's a constant battle but I feel you'll get better as you go along. Dealing with frustrating people is hard enough, even more so when they're your teachers... Is there someone above her you can go to, to at least get some concerns aired? Not too sure what the English word would be for the studying on your own and then going to University for the exam period - I did one paper by correspondence, where they sent me the information I had to learn and then completed the exam online , but that's not quite the situation here. However I think it's a good idea, if you think it would help then try it; being comfortable when studying is huge and more difficult than you'd initially think. I'm doing well thanks, work has been rather hectic - I'm looking at a bit of a change of role within the organization I work for. I'm currently a glorified Customer Service Rep, where I get paid a ludicrous amount for the work I have to do, but I don't see eye to eye with my Site Manager. She's aware I'm the best person in her team for getting the numerical outcomes she wants, but her methods of interacting with people leave me rather annoyed. Coupled with the fact that other members of my team said to me last week "We're glad you're standing upto her, we just don't have the backbone for it" had me thinking that perhaps I step backwards into a smaller role and advance into a different direction within the company. So I went and 'shadowed' someone in the technical unit last week and the environment was incredible, so warm and laid back. The manager there seems to want me on board, but he was concerned about how much of a pay cut I would have to take to join him. So some negotiating and wriggling to do there but overall, things are good. New Zealand just won the Rugby World Cup so I have been up watching the final this morning with my friends - the sun is out, might be a beach kind of day! Gym has been going well and I've started my summer sport escapades with a hiss and a roar - coupled with the art I've been working on and the odd girl in my life I've been a busy boy! Let me know how you get on with the studying plan and your difficult teacher.
You've been busy, indeed! Good things are going for you, and I'm glad for you. What kind of art have you been working on? Indeed. I've been talking with our group's curator about it. It was she that told me to try and pay no attention to it. There is, of course, the faculty dean and her committee. We'll have to wait until Tuesday to meet the teacher and possibly talk to her about it. I'm not sure if I can keep my head cool enough to have the most reasonable conversation, but I'll surely give it a shot. I'll let you know about how it went with a private message - is that alright with you?Is there someone above her you can go to, to at least get some concerns aired?
Art wise, just things for those close to me. I really like making things but lately I've found I become more inspired when I intend to give the end result to someone. I'll get a photo or two for you if you're interested. And absolutely, PM me when you know how things went.