Can you give me an example of how would you approach people or build a conversation while you don't know them well using your approach? From what I understand, it's often a defense mechanism, a verbal wall between one and their company so as to not get wounded emotionally. It's among the very few things preventing people from connecting on a meaningful level even if they desire to: the wish to not be wounded again (because there's always an emotional trauma beforehand, whether a single short one or a long continuous one). So, no matter how annoying the verbal wall might be, you can't but feel at least somewhat sorry for them and commiserate on the pain they've received.Surely there are those who just want to run their mouths but I haven't really met very many who want to stay at the surface.
I've been thinking about it because it's not some kind of strategy I worked out, just me remembering (I'm not very good at that) what has happened seemingly naturally. I'm not sure what sort of situation you're imagining but I don't usually have the chance to talk to a total stranger and go from there to the juicy bits. Usually it's at work. Maybe there are a couple of people talking in the smoking area, and in that situation especially, it's easy to join the conversation and nudge toward things like the underlying reasons/motivations of something, and probe at the personality and so on. Even if it's just one coworker I hadn't really talked to much before, we might start talking about an issue one of us was working on, and once that exchange is comfortable then we can move from Facts and Happenings to Principles and Theories holding them up, and so on. I'm not saying we get really really personal from a cold start, but I find that it's not hard to get past small talk. Anyway, you asked for examples and I'm not really giving any, but I think I'll just have to watch the conversations I have and see if I can bring back examples. Making it up or remembering it is escaping me at the moment.
I see what you mean. Perhaps, I've been striving towards this myself: I've always found myself interested in why people do it rather than what they do; often enough, what they do immediately provokes my "Why?". Has any example of how to start such a conversation or to steer it into a more... shall we say, intimate direction occured to you yet? I'm curious of how might I enhance my conversational skills.