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comment by jleopold

I won't say I like it, because they just seems a little too serious to use "like," but I appreciate them. You've got some really good themes going. Stylistically, you're solid, and very readable. At times though, it seems like the voice shifts suddenly. In "ocean" for example, the fourth sentence, starting "Not long after..." It goes from very intimate and troubling, to rather impersonal. Also, I know my writing teacher right now would say that you get dangerously close to clich├ęs, without quite being ironic. Lord knows I haven't mastered that either though (see, did it right there). I encourage you to extend the class pieces later, because the themes could be explored for so much longer than a paragraph.



nonapus  ·  1992 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thank you so much for the input! My class rarely provides constructive criticism because people are afraid of hurting others' feelings. Basically, everyone just encourages each other to keep doing what they're doing. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it isn't very conducive to growing as writers. Of course practice is rarely a bad thing.

I think that the more I expand on those paragraphs the more they'll diverge from cliches, at least that's what I think. I've mostly written poetry and short paragraphs so far.

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_refugee_  ·  1991 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If you are open to constructive criticism:

*they're

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nonapus  ·  1991 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Ah yeah, typo. Don't worry, I know the difference!

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