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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  1818 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: What do you guys think of this? I just wrote it so it's a little rough around the edges.

I assume that you're using magnifying glass to be able to use the focus, but magnifying glass has another connotation that confuses your metaphor. Think about using something like lens, or glass, or something like that to clarify.

Like you said the leaves metaphor isn't fleshed out yet. If you wanted to combine the metaphors you could say something like:

  Our bodies are crystalline and calm leaves blowing,
  On God's right arm with millions of branching brothers.
  From our own divisions we grow, God's in our own right,
  Concave and glass leaves that wait to capture the sun and create.
It kind of depends why you're bringing up that we are part of God.