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comment by coffeesp00ns
coffeesp00ns  ·  3208 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Coffee Extraction And How To Taste It

And I approve of him - though I wish he'd do more actual cookery, and less cutthroat kitchen. And also less of his variety show tour. Really I just want more Good Eats.





kleinbl00  ·  3208 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Most of his recipes are shit, though. This is the deep dark secret of Alton Brown: soulless food, meticulously prepared.

b_b  ·  3208 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I like reading his tutorials for specific techniques. He is great when you don't know what, say, tempering an egg is, or how to emulsify mayonnaise correctly.

kleinbl00  ·  3208 days ago  ·  link  ·  

And I love watching him. There's a lot of great stuff that he covers. He has definitely been the most beneficial force ever to emerge from Food Network.

But his recipes are fiddly in approach and utilitarian in flavor.

OftenBen  ·  3207 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    meticulously prepared.

That's really supposed to be the point though right? Alton's show is edutainment, it exists to simultaneously entertain and educate (and therefore reduce kitchen mishaps and injuries).

kleinbl00  ·  3207 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Should it be?

You watch Alton Brown make something, and you are told in no uncertain terms that there is ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO IT. You're given an elaborate background as to the science and meaning behind this, so it must be true. Then you are shown the ONE RIGHT WAY TO MAKE IT involving the ONLY GOOD TOOLS YOU SHOULD USE because everything else is a "unitasker." Unitasker, by the way, is Brown-speak for "tool I don't like." If you actually watch him cook, you'll see he's surrounded by "unitaskers" that are somehow blessed, while at least once per episode some kitchen gadget or other is held up to shame and ridicule.

Meanwhile you are given something that involves seven steps all of equal (high) importance and given nothing in the way of a timeframe. So when you set out to make Alton Brown's magic munchies, you find that you've spent three hours making a pie crust that tastes remarkably like wallpaper paste.

I made Alton Brown's turkey two years in a row. The third year, I recognized that the likelihood of my needing to spend $40 on vegetable broth for brining was slim to none, seeing as brine is mostly salt. Guess what? Turkey's just as good if you just use salt. As a ward against evil spirits I throw a bunch of herbs in there but nobody has ever commented. It doesn't even change the flavor of the gravy.

Now, when we see Alton Brown cooking something we look up the reviews online. They're universally terrible. Of course, those are all the reviews not on Food Network, so how much credibility do they have?

Again, I'm a fan of Alton Brown. I think his was the best show on Food Network. But it definitely panders to a crowd that likes to watch cooking, as opposed to a crowd that likes to cook.

You know the Thomas Keller roast chicken? The one that /r/food worships like it's the fuckin' 10 commandments? The one where he waves a sprig of rosemary over the chicken, but out of view of its neck hole so that he doesn't upset the chicken's dear, departed spirit?

Go check out Julia Child's roast chicken and compare and contrast. Better yet, make 'em both.

The point is not that Thomas Keller sucks - the point is that the modern food fetishism - led by Alton Brown - is bad for cooking. Great for TV, sure... but bad for people who actually want to make food.

cgod  ·  3207 days ago  ·  link  ·  

My favorite cooking resource is cooks magazine. If you never picked one up it's not glossy and mostly just recipes. They pick a dish, make it a gazillion times outlining what they tried and what worked well and what didn't and leave you with their favorite.

There are a few gadget reviews and ingredient rundown but mostly just practical food that isn't impossible to make.

OftenBen  ·  3208 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Really I just want more Good Eats.

Preach. I consider myself pretty good with a knife, but I had all but given up on cutting mangos until I watched his tutorial. Total testimonial moment, it's really damn effective, and mostly safe.

coffeesp00ns  ·  3208 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I need to rewatch his one on shucking clams - working in a kitchen has made me want to improve my knife skills, and shucking is one of those "high likelihood of laceration" areas.

I also need to try his winter vegetable soup that is actually 100% vegetarian. I mostly just think it's an impressive feat - It's surprising the amount of veg soups that have a meat broth base.

basically, I just need to rewatch the entirety of good eats.

kleinbl00  ·  3208 days ago  ·  link  ·  

31.5 GB.

Just sayin'.

Also, pretty sure his secret to shucking clams is the armored glove. Most every serious preparer of seafood I've ever run across has the chainmail.