a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by elizabeth
elizabeth  ·  3346 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Let's talk about this invite thing.

    Reddit is my cheap and dirty entertainment.

r/relationships ftw!





ButterflyEffect  ·  3346 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Can one of you explain the appeal of r/relationships to me? I just ventured there for the first time and it seems like it's trainwreck after trainwreck and filled with either awful people or stories of awful people.

humanodon  ·  3346 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It's like Maury, or Springer

ButterflyEffect  ·  3346 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I probably should have just taken the quote at face value.

It's good to see you posting around here again, hope you've been doing well and that the root canal went well. Heard those aren't too pleasant.

_refugee_  ·  3346 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Although humanodon is correct, I like to also view it in the following ways:

1) Stories. Don't bother trying to believe they're real, consider them stories, and all the stories just happen to focus on the nature of relationships, which leads me to....

2) A pseudo-informative place where you can learn more about relationships: what's ok and what's not, what's bad communication and what's (supposedly) good advice, and so on.

Info-tainment, with plenty of popcorn.

Cumol  ·  3342 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If you like learning about communication, check our /r/polyamory

Similar to /r/relationships, this sub has many stories, except that they get even more complicated. A nice reminder that honesty gets you the furthest in life, even though it might hurt.

_refugee_  ·  3342 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I used to sub to r/polyamory, back when I was trying/attempting polyamorous/open relationships (either, both).

Unfortunately the lifestyle wasn't much for me. There are a couple of issues I personally have with multiple relationships that have more to do with practicality than jealousy or insecurity, necessarily (I don't have the time to have multiple successful relationships going at once, nor the interest to make that time by engaging less in my other leisure activities, for a big one) not to mention a rather strong natural competitive streak that makes it rather hard not to view others dating the same person I am dating as competition or people to compare myself against. I like to win a lot. It is not always an endearing quality.

Honesty gets you the furthest in life if all parties involved can handle honesty like adults. I do agree that polyamorists can do magical things with relationships and communication - but I never found r/polyamory to be a haven for dramatic stories so much as advocating for a lifestyle whose appeal I didn't feel.

But - I'll check it out and see if it's changed any.

Cumol  ·  3342 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I guess I am in the experimenting phase when it comes to polyamory. The point about people handling honesty like adults is very important.

Until now, it has been going good, but my experience is limited to 1.5 years of multiple/open relationships.

I noticed that it only tends to work out with girls that have a high self esteem. And ones that understand the difference between the time we spend together and the time she spends with somebody else...

humanodon  ·  3345 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I don't see how what you said is different from what I said. Do we Maury and Springer differently? Like, life lesson: if that Adam's apple makes you uncomfortable, bail or else get ready for a weird time (it could be good, no judgement).

_refugee_  ·  3345 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think so. I view Maury and Springer pretty purely as jaw-drop suck-in entertainment with no depth, and I feel like I don't approach r/relationships exactly in the same way. Though now you're just opened up a ton of potential for those shows with me.

elizabeth  ·  3345 days ago  ·  link  ·  

True. I feel like there is less chance i'll get into an abusive relationship because after all the stories, i'll be good at spotting the red flags. And popcorn. I like to imagine some people I know might be posting. Not because I wish shitty things would happen to them but because it makes me realize everybody has their own shit going on they don't tell you about and I should make a better effort to be supportive and considerate to people around me.