Figured I'd pull a classic pablo and ask you guys the opposite.
Ha. You'll make a fine apprentice.
So basically I will take all your shames now because I started writing the story and realized it's gonna be so freakin' long it's impossible. I'm going to make it into a #significantstoriesbypablo post because that's both quicker and I kinda wanted to do it anyway. So you have to wait, im sorry :[
You should know that there was nothing better you could've done than talk to her about it, even if it ended in a breakup. You owe it to yourself to not waste the time in a different world than the person you were committed to. I had my girl's picture on my phone background for an almost creepily long amount of time after we broke up, because it was really hard to give up on that.
I was lurking a little on Hubski whenever I could these last few days and I remember someone saying along the lines of this, though I can't find a link:
You're going to fall in love,, and when it ends it's going to be her that you compare absolutely all other emotions towards. Doesn't matter how long ago it was or how hard that love fell, every other person is going to be held to the standard of that love.
The girl your story reminded me of in my life is that girl, that standard of love. However I thought that my very first love would be the same, only afterwards did I realize how much my involvement in that relationship paled in comparison to what I felt for this girl. I still think about her like all the time because somehow she won't leave my life and I think our story is still playing out.
I can't focus on a point. My point is feel all the pain hurt and sorrow that you want, don't hold it in or hold it back or lie to yourself just let it hurt cause it fucking hurts, and should hurt. Bad. When the pain subsides look ahead and focus on yourself. Improve all the things you've always wanted to and start taking steps to being a better man after your relationship. Especially things you felt she held you back on. Fucking go for it, be a gladiator. When you start becoming really happy with yourself your confidence is going to hail subconscious testosterone on every chick in your sight, and eventually you'll find someone else in time that will rock your world, that you weren't even looking for. After my very first relationship I was so happy to be done, but didn't realize how much better I could feel about myself until I started doing things with my spare time instead like working out, reading, listening to music and letting out everything I was changing into, and still am changing into.
Anyway, good luck. You'll be fine.
I don't miss everything I ever was before today.