So. This is one hell of a return, but I have to vent somewhere and the one thing I've always kept in mind about hubski is that I can have a goddamn intelligent conversation.
For those who don't know, I moved the summer of 2013 to Ohio because in doing so my parents were able to get me in to a better school for cheaper. I thought to myself, sure, it'll be a change, but I'll get to meet new people, I'll get to see a new part of American culture, whatever. Then my penis said that there would be ladies there looking for a man. Hey, whatever, it's free school I can internally justify it how I want.
I've now lived here for over 6 months. Maybe over 7. And you know what? Fuck it. Fuck the whole state, fuck the region I'm in, fuck everyone here, fuck the shitty roads and the asshole cops and the shitty suburban malls, fuck the chain fastfood joints and the soccer moms and the cookie cutter neighborhoods, fuck the family values, fuck your shitty movie theater, fuck your universities, fuck your sports teams, fuck your shitty off brand "Naty" beer, fuck your flannel jackets, fuck the midwest.
I can't stand it. I set foot on the goddamn ground and my body shriveled in disgust. Oh, this isn't a revelation to me, this is just all the built up shit in my veins from MONTHS of tolerating this garbage, but I knew, oh god I knew. I walked off the plane, luggage in hand, and on the wall the advertisement was for a military weapons research program. Defense contractors. Shit, when I left Philly's airport I got advertisements for art museums, opera houses, theater productions. So I knew from the goddamn minute that I set foot on the flattest fucking place on earth that all of the joy I got out of everyday life was dead, but I didn't know how thoroughly that would happen.
I took a semester off school, and got my bearings while working at Starbucks. That's when I started to realize.
Coworkers are special creatures. Very special. They're canaries in a coal mine for the community, especially when you're new to the area. Back at my old store, the people were nice. Loud, but polite enough and kept the bullshit off the floor. If there was a fight, it happened in the back. It was loud there, but it happened in the back. Jokes were off color and we would've been fucking fired from any other company and any other store, especially since after an especially rough day we could just pop over to the bar and just get pissed as all hell before heading home.
Here? Shit. Everyone is "nice." Everyone is kind. And polite. And agreeable. And fucking, utterly, boring. I can't even give examples. The conversations are just so goddamn forgettable, the jokes that were made were just...there. They had set ups and punchlines but nothing sharp, no spark, no edge.
And that's the whole goddamn area. There's no edge to all of this shit. It's flat. Flattest fucking place on the planet, flattest fucking people on the planet. I see all of these goddamn conversations around me and I've already established them in to three groups, and it all fits there. You either talk about Television, Relationships, or the Weather, and when you're talking about Television you say how great/bad the sports game was or how hilarious that one show is. Fuck. TELL ME WHY. TELL ME YOUR GODDAMN OPINION BEYOND THE SURFACE.
No, I promise, I get that people have interests that are different than mine, I really do. Sports I'm sure are incredibly complicated, but for the love of god not every conversation needs to be about it. Conversations can be wonderful, beautiful creatures, full of depth and insight even about the most banal shit in the world. I have great memories of those shitty conversations about nothing. Or just getting way to drunk and watching "The Thing" and having to explain to my friend that it's not a fucking yeti. Here? Nothing.
And I absolutely can't stand it. But I can't scream at them because if I did they'd either lynch me or start crying. So hubski gets to hear me yell tonight.
Also the food is fucking dogshit.