Really good post, I hope everything works out for you. What are your options? I've actually always wanted a younger sibling. Having to be a role model, I've found, makes me a better person, but I so rarely need to be one.
As far as options, I can take a cut from my residual income(Work in insurance, less than half time during the school year) for some of it, but my parents will end up paying for most of it, we had an agreement that they will pay for as much of my school as they have to as long as my grades are good. But the fact that I have to tell them about it, and ask them to pay for it bothers me because I still feel like it was because of a failure on my part (It was, needed 3.5 to get it for sure, didn't get the 3.5) But the larger problem is that there's nobody I can bring things like this to. (Except you internet!) Another... Interesting example: I have been seeing a lovely young woman for a few weeks, found out last night that she has a really expensive habit that involves lots of white powder. I immediately broke things off, as politely as I could, but now I have this ache and no way to express it or ask for counsel about it.
I'm sorry that you're experiencing some loneliness right now. Friendships, especially male friendships, take time to mature to a point where you can openly share your fears etc. I'm fortunate that one of my closest friends came in to town to visit me last night. We stayed up until 5am talking. I shared a lot of my current fears/frustrations with him and it helped. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Don't knock it till you try it; it can be incredibly liberating to have someone you trust that will not judge you to talk to every week. Now that I mention this, I think I really could benefit from therapy myself. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend, it sounds like you made the right choice. Good luck pal!
I have spoken to a therapist in the past, junior/senior year of high school and a little my freshman year of college. I've considered going again, especially because mental health is one thing my University takes damn seriously (Free counseling, pretty much as long as you need it) And part of the sense of loss is my own fault, I realized a few years ago that I was surrounding myself with people who didn't reflect the type of person I'd like to be and I made a point to lose contact with those people, but now I have my best friend and a sea of acquaintances. People who I am pleasant with, and who owe me (or I owe) a beer, but few of any real substance.
I've been swamped, sorry; I meant to respond yesterday. I was going to say that while your options aren't great, they aren't terrible. A thousand dollars isn't the end of the world. I guess it depends on the parents, but if they've already offered to pay your college they seem supportive. Supportive parents pick you up when you fail. You seem pretty level-headed about it; no excuses. So that's small-scale, and larger scale I really do understand what you mean about needing a mentor. If you don't have an older brother, there's no one to turn to for real mentoring at our age. You can't just go find someone to fill that need. It's tough. I feel ya.