Uh-oh! Insom's about to take over the world! I'm happy that you're happy pal. I've always found that the times after a breakup are some of my most memorable of my life. When I've been the one doing the breaking, they're positive memories of rebirth and extreme productivity. When I'm the one that got broke....well, it's far less productive and the rebirth is long and painful. To _refugee_, they always say love finds you when you're not looking, right? I will say that having a partner to share my life with is pretty kick-ass. Also, having a child is the best decision I've ever made. But then, I'm in my mid 30's. you have plenty of time for such things if that's what you want. Just keep writing.
I don't know if I'm looking for love! Ha. This thread has taken interesting turns but one of them is that some people have interpreted this as me going "I'm searching for a relationship!" The truth is much more, "I don't know if I even want a relationship or if I just feel like society is telling me I have to be in one to be 'complete.' " I have been casually dating some people and one asked me to commit and I basically ran away - not that that is a bad thing! Maybe a committment is way more than I want or need right now. (Yes, a committment is way more than I want or need right now.) But that leaves me with the question, then what do I want? Do I want to be in a casual, committment-free 'arrangement' (as I've also gotten an offer for)? I don't think I really care as long as whoever I am interacting with is not making me feel like crap. I feel like my main priority in interpersonal relationships right now is just making sure that I feel like I'm treated ok, and if I run into a guy/get entangled with a guy that doesn't, making sure I get out of the situation and not putting myself through that kind of damage, not letting anyone treat me in a way that leaves me feeling bad, or even pathetic or unwanted. I'm pretty good at dropping people when I start feeling like the interaction is unequal. I guess I'm wondering if there is some middle space between 'a relationship' and 'fuck buddies' that is inhabitable, and if that is what I want. I'm not sure. I think I'm ok with the arrangement but I find myself asking, is just being ok with it enough? And this goes into the career too. I'm okay with my job. But shouldn't I be driving towards a passion? Your comment about writing hits the nail closest on the head in terms of "good applicable advice" because writing is my primary passion right now. (Well, I've also decided I want a sixpack, so I guess I have to add working out to my passions.) And I think if I want to end up where I want in life, doing something remotely resembling my passions, I just need to keep writing and follow it where it leads me. I guess part of my original question was really "I don't think I want to be in a relationship, is that wrong?" because I think a lot of society/movies/whatever say that the relationship is utmost. Hell I know six couples getting married this year - shit, no, seven - two are my first two boyfriends, one is my "signficiant-bombed-that-relationship-broke-my-heart" supernova, etc. So people I have been very close to are getting married and I'm like "Ugh, I don't want that," but seeing it happen makes me feel like, "Hey, aren't I supposed to?" (Seeing all these marriages is why I decided to get a six pack. They are getting married. I want to look and feel amazing.) So anyway I guess there's more detail on where I'm coming from. I make myself a priority already, I think maybe I just need to keep doing it. or do it more so.
I'm disappointed that I have a job and class this time around. I have the strongest desire to take off to somewhere exotic for 3 months again.
Detroit is pretty exotic this time of year.... Or better yet, Dutham and we can get mk, b_b and / out too.
I think I'm going to Detroit in December. b_b said it's really nice and sunny that time of year? I'm going to rock my bikini on the waterfront so hard. Durham for sure in early February (before baby) and then mid/late spring (after baby). We'll plan way ahead and ensure that mk and b_b and forwardslash can all come. Also, now we're talking way future, but the truck my brother has in Durham needs to come back to LA after he finishes his senior year and before he gets drafted. So I way thinking of doing a road trip and pick a fun route filled with Hubskiers.