Yesterday, in Vancouver, I gave a workshop to scientists who create assistive technology. They work with vulnerable people. My job was to help them listen with empathy. I thought that I would post a blog about something I actually know. Listening, speaking, handling verbal attacks, dealing with conflict - I have only occasionally posted on these things, but it seemed worthwhile. Some time ago I wrote about problems with apologies and immediately heard from people who found it helpful.
So my question to Hubski: What helps you feel better when you tell someone your difficulties?
I find it helpful when people actually listen. Too often you can tell that someone is simply trying to think of the next thing to say, instead of actively listening.
I was recently in a business meeting with a prospective client. About halfway through the meeting, she started crying. She confessed that her mother who had started the business was dying. All I could do was give a sympathetic smile and say, "I'm so sorry to hear thiat" and allow for enough time to lapse for her to compose herself.
I asked if she felt comfortable carrying on and she said "yes". The tone of the meeting changed after that, and actually became much more productive. Through the brief moment we shared, her crying and me silent, not judging, just allowing her to work through it forged an atmosphere of trust. We entered two strangers attempting to do business with one another and left two human beings.
The advice you give in the post revolves largely around "paraphrasing", which along with "mirroring" and some other communication tools, can be very effective at puting someone at ease. Good advice.