Welcome to the Gathering of the Juggalos. These guys came onto my radar with the "Magnets, how do they fucking work?" video was widely mocked. You guys need to enjoy this dumpster fire like I did. I'd like to go to one of these, in the same way that an anthropologist goes out to primitive tribes and observes their strange customs and mating rituals.
It shocks me not at all that GWAR is a part of this. Also, GWAR is a stupid fun concert that I recommend.
I saw that there was a group that took telescopes out there one year and showed off the moon to all the kids whacked out on drugs and diabetes. Funny thing, they never went back.
I get it. Juggalos, like furries, are one of the last cultural groups you can pick on without fear of reprisal. But a bunch of poor white trash gathering in rural Ohio to watch Tech Nine, Yellawolf and Gwar? I refuse to look down my nose at that. That is a truly victimless crime. Did you check out the vendor page?
I think it's time we all recognize that Juggalos are basically LARPers who like their speed metal with rap mixed in. And yeah - a lot of it is shit.
But I'll take Juggalos over Phishheads any day.
"Fuck you, man," says Violent J. "Shut the fuck up."
"Did you anticipate this kind of reaction?" I ask them.
"No," sighs Violent J. "I figured most people would say, 'Wow, I didn't know Insane Clown Posse could be deep like that.' But instead it's, 'ICP said a giraffe is a miracle. Ha ha ha! What a bunch of idiots.'" He pauses, then adds defiantly, "A giraffe is a fucking miracle. It has a dinosaur-like neck. It's yellow. Yeah, technically an elephant is not a miracle. Technically. They've been here for hundreds of years…"
"Thousands," murmurs Shaggy.
"Have you ever stood next to an elephant, my friend?" asks Violent J. "A fucking elephant is a miracle. If people can't see a fucking miracle in a fucking elephant, then life must suck for them, because an elephant is a fucking miracle. So is a giraffe."