kleinbl00:

Upvoted even though it's the archetypal "Here's a huge problem and a tiny solution, you guilty shithead!" article. I mean, really:

    Certify it through your local Department of Natural Resources branch as wildlife habitat. Get a property tax exemption.

Literally, "rezone your property." Which would require you to move off of it. And incur county council meetings at a minimum.

I hate lawns. Yet I have three. I fertilize them once a year, mow them with a push mower, and practice mechanical weed control. And I continue to have three lawns because there are no practical alternatives to lawns. Xeriscape? Eat a fucking dick. I don't want rows of cacti and sandstone, I moved the fuck out of the desert with a passion and I ain't never going back. Raised beds? Great. I just replaced my lawn with intensive agriculture. That's not an improvement, it's a lateral move (and yes, I also have raised beds). Native plantings? Around here that means giant tall trees that interfere with the power lines out front, and underneath a bunch of bare-ass dirt that ends up colonized by invasive species like blackberry and ivy. I paid fuckin' $12 for one (1) native Trillium last week and you want me to replace my lawn with "native plantings?" Have you priced that shit? A single Oregon Grape is $20!

I get the frustration. I do. I've spent days and days trying to find something to replace all that shit I have to mow. But your best bet is to try and establish sedums at $60/sf and then tell your kid not to run in the yard because each time she puts her foot down it's costing you $5.

And that's why we all still have lawns. Because the lawn has been there since Charlemagne and unless you want to be surrounded by forests or row crops, it's about the only choice.


posted by ooli: 89 days ago