LAS VEGAS—In the hours following a violent rampage in Las Vegas in which a lone attacker killed more than 50 individuals and seriously injured 400 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Iowa resident Kyle Rimmels, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep these individuals from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”


They've been re-posting this one verbatim (except the city name) since 2014. (markup ruined my url but here it is).

Also, Dutch-The-Onion:


    Las Vegas - The purpetrator of the Las Vegas mass murder was white and American, which cleared the way for a debate about gun control today. "I said on Facebook that those Americans really should do something about their guns", a Dutch man said. "If the purpetrator was muslim or African-American, the entire debate would be about terrorism and racism and stuff like that. I'm not touching those subjects."

posted by ButterflyEffect: 378 days ago