When in a group, be it the uni group (which is constant) or a MOBA match group (which is randomly generated), I often find myself shying down to the group's general skill level at whatever's the required skill.

In the uni group, we speak English during a number of lessons per week (the main language being Russian, for those unfamiliar), and it's obvious that the group, overall, is low on speaking and generating thoughts in English. Moreover, our Language Practice teacher is not quite C1, speaking-wise, either. I don't mean to trash or blame them for being the way they are, but I'd like to improve my speaking, especially during the Language Practice lessons that are meant specifically for that.

In MOBAs (think DotA, Heroes of Newerth, League of Legends, so on), I perform only as well as the general skill of my team. I know I can do better because I've seen myself doing it either with a team of well-skilled players or with friends on the same team, watching my back.

It sounds very odd when I put it like that. I have enough skill to do well in either of the situations, and yet I cap myself at a certain level. Is it me trying to not irritate people by performing worse than or on par with them? Isn't completely unreasonable, considering how tense the social competition is in Russia, but it barely makes sense. Maybe it's truly like that Marianne Williamson quote that got etched into my head: "Your playing small does not benefit the world" and "as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others".

I don't want to change anyone around me to be "better" - nor, indeed, I believe it to be possible - but I don't want to be held back by them, either. So, how do I do that? How do I go beyond the (self-imposed?) (social?) limit?


posted 2985 days ago