I haven't frequented Hubski for a while, but it is the first place that popped into my mind where I could write this text, so be it.

Today I watched a news piece about Gush Etzion, which is a cluster of settlements between Hebron and Bethlehem. It is an area where it often comes to clashes and problems between settlers and palestinians, but also for some surprising co-existence. The news piece showed several interviews with settlers who are in good contact with local palestinians. They cooperate, trade and work one for the other. A sight that is rather rare, especially in these hard times,

All the interviewed settlers, including the rabbai Hanan Schlesinger had two things in common, they all very adamantly believe that the land of palestine/the holy land/Canaan is the jewish land, it belongs to them. Interestingly though, they also believe that arabs and jews should have absolute equal rights and recognize the occupation as immoral.

They are talking about a solution, about peace that did not cross my mind before. And it is the solution where one side surrenders.

No. I cannot accept this. It is hard for me to accept. It is hard to accept that, we, the palestinians, should surrender and "lose". But maybe it is the solution. It is not the first time that I think about one land for everyone. But in my version of the solution, Israel would change from being the "jewish" state to be called the Democratic State of Israel, or Israel and Palestine, like Bosnia and Herzegovina or Trinidad and Tobago. I know this is a different situation and can't be compared, but it is possible, I thought it is.

The vast majority of arabs are for a two-state solution, Some people even think that the whole land would be "palestine" again. Saying out loud that you support a one-state solution is not easy but made sense to me. Break down the wall and live happily ever after...

However, seeing the israeli-one-state, with palestinians as a minority, under the israeli flag is new to me. It did not settle yet, it stirs me up inside, but maybe we have to surrender. The occupation is eating us from the inside. We are raised to hate by both our families and the occupation and it will not stop. I feel horrible for even thinking that. I feel like a traitor. But maybe we have to, for the sake of our people.

A common theme of my psychedelic experience is something I call "the wanderer". In it, I lose my identity. I lose my name, I become genderless, I become detached from anything that binds me and all I am is a wanderer, walking the roads, meeting other wanderers, without judgement, without names, without identities and I feel whole.

Maybe it is time to lay down my identity. The palestinian, the polish, the german, the israeli, the polyamorous, the scientist, the juggler and just be blank.

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Thank you for reading.

Cumol