I am very interested in your opinion on this:
I've been together with my girlfriend for close to three years now. She fully expects me to propose and marry her (soon/now). I don't feel ready for that. Instead the thoughts of it make me feel very uneasy. We have issues to resolve. In my mind, things need to be running smoothly before you start a life-long union. She disagrees and argues that it is it not worth any effort or time on her side if I won't commit to unconditionally before trying to trying to fix things.
The current situation is: I got my way because I was ready to let things break and end. She gave up, and I got my way for now and didn't propose despite the length of the relationship.
Understandably, it weights on the relationship. I can't explain my resistance. I can't explain my willingness to let things slip and end. I do not think I was fully aware of the events unfolding and the likelihood of a breakup happening.
My attempts to understand the situation better fail. And they make me question my desire to hold on to her. It is not true that I cannot imagine a life without her. It is true that I would miss her a lot. I would feel very bad if we broke up. She put a lot of trust in me, and I would betray that. But I can also imagine us work out. It just seems I have the wrong motivation: Everything is fine, therefore it can go on. Shouldn't it be: "I cannot live without her!"?
I know you cannot tell me what to do. What questions can I ask myself to sort it out in my head?
tl;dr: Don't know how to decide whether to break up, try to work out things, or how to determine if I am being selfish and unfair. What questions can I try to ask myself to understand the situation better?
It sounds to me like you're ready to go but you feel you'd be letting her down if you do. Here's the thing, if you do stay, just so you don't let her down, you still will. You'll let her down because you can't give her the kind of two-way happiness she wants. You'll be miserable, and that will make her miserable. Before long you'll end up trapped in a loveless marriage because neither of you wants to hurt the other. If I am reading this right, the best way to avoid, or in this case minimise, any hurt, is to end things as soon as possible. You're both still young enough to have true happiness, raise families etc.
I may be wrong, you could be just in a rut. When was the last time you went out together, just the two of you for a romantic evening (dinner etc)? When was the last time you spent quality time together just cuddled up on the couch? If you are in a rut you can save this, and I hope this is the case.
I'm 36, not a lot older than you, and before I married my ex wife at 31 I felt much the same. We split after less than three years because we were both miserable. If the problems are worse than just being in a rut, marriage won't solve them. Any problems you have no, if not resolved, will continue into the marriage. If one of you isn't 100% in, the marriage won't last.
The upside though? A couple of years on from leaving, I'm happier than I've ever been. I've a new, fantastic lady, a new job and everything is coming up Millhouse. As for my ex, she's still single (a couple of guys were around for a little but didn't last) but she appears to be happier than I've ever seen her. Sometimes, you just have to cut your losses.