So funny story. Evidence is mounting that humans evolved as persistence hunters - this means that we suck at running really quick and stabbing the deer, we suck at parkouring our ways through the canyons to grab the antelope, but if we aren't attacked by an ambush predator (lions, tigers and cheetahs, oh my), we will exhaust whatever it is we're trying to kill by keeping it on the move until it collapses due to exhaustion.

Sexy it ain't. Safe? Yeah, pretty much. Here's the thing: humans are the only animals whose diaphragms aren't regulated and augmented by the rhythmic sloshing of our guts. A dog can run efficiently at one speed. A deer can run efficiently at one speed. A horse can run efficiently at one speed. That speed is governed by viscera pumping back and forth, which itself is generated by cadence, which drives the intake and exhaust of air into the critter's lungs. We're also the only critter that can sweat.

Most predators go faster than their prey, kill their prey, then chillax. This gives them time to recharge. Humans, as far as evidence suggests, kept their prey on the move until they dropped by being better able to regulate their heat, regulate their gait, and carry water with them.

Which means, basically, that the gait we're most natural using is that goofy small-foot ultramarathon shuffle, which is dorky looking as fuck. All other attempts at running are going to be unnatural and look even worse.