It happened! Veni, vidi, vici! Today was super fun and really exhausting, so I'm gonna post a copy of my speech for y'all to check out below and then go to sleep.

Good evening! As I'm sure many of you know, my name is galen. I'm happy to be here, fulfilling my boyhood dream of being a wizard. Accio Diploma!

Unfortunately I am no Harry Potter, and next year rather than Hogwarts, I'll be attending Colgate University. Actually, scratch that, fortunately, I'm on my way to Colgate University, one of the top liberal arts schools in the country, he said, bragging. I'll be part of the Alumni Memorial Scholar program, giving me access to relationships with gifted peers and professors, in an environment not dissimilar to that which I found here at [school]. But in spite of my understanding of the fantastic opportunities Colgate will provide, I find myself unshakably reluctant to leave [school]-- I'll miss our fantastic experiences with the artwork of Do Ho Suh [(we saw an exhibit featuring his art and the titles were hilarious, e.g. "Who am we?" and "Rubbing is Loving")], portable reptiles [(pocket snakes: our way of informing each other of conspicuous erections)] and the growth mindset [(our teachers are obsessed with this phrase)].

But enough of magic, of bragging, of veiled references to inside jokes. Now's the time when a speaker traditionally gives advice for the graduating class. But it seems that [commencement speaker] has that covered, so instead, I'll give you all advice. That makes sense, right? Anyway, here it is: 3 radical acts we should all perpetrate.

1. Wear sunscreen. Oh wait no sorry wrong speech

1. Look a homeless person in the eye.

You may be surprised by how difficult, and how rewarding, you find this. It is an unfortunate habit in our society to deny the impoverished not only food, shelter, and other basic necessities, but also their very humanity. I suggest that this is rooted in the guilt we feel over the suffering of others; but regardless of its cause, the phenomenon persists. It must end.

2. Call your representative.

The amount of people who claim to be interested in politics, who care deeply about the issues, whatever that refers to at any given time, but fail to take this simple, effective political action never fails to astonish me. But by doing so yourself, you will have an opportunity to influence the voice representing you in the political arena, greatly increasing your personal involvement in the democratic process. And I don't know about you, but I firmly believe that regardless of any one person's politics, greater civic involvement benefits our whole society. You know I learned a fun etymological tidbit this morning: the word "idiot" is derived from the same Greek word as Freud's id; in its original sense it referred to excessive focus on the self. One of the earliest uses of the term was to describe those who failed to participate in Greek democracy. I suggest that you stop being idiots.

3. Challenge yourself, for one day, to keep your word. [(Thanks thenewgreen for inspiring this one)]

It may seem trivial, or perhaps impossible, but regardless of your success or failure, an attempt at total integrity constitutes a worthwhile endeavor. The truth may be difficult, for you or for others. But awareness, and thus communication, of truth has intrinsic value due to the manner in which it informs our decisions. Who among us would disagree that truth is greater than falsehood? So why not live by it?

I could go on, but by now I think you've got the idea. The underlying principle here is, in the words of one Theodore Seuss Geisel, "Be who you are and say what you mean." If anything is to change, we must begin to respect our words and our beliefs. It is so very easy to say all the right things, then go out and act the same way we always have. But a healthy society requires people who say what they mean; who speak with conviction; who truly follow the credos which they claim to support. Before I go, I'd like to close this speech as Kurt Vonnegut once closed his commencement speeches; and Vonnegut being the great writer he is, I figure I'll just use his words. He asks a favor:

I ask it not only of the graduates, but of everyone here, parents and teachers as well. I’ll want a show of hands after I ask this question.

How many of you have had a teacher at any level of your education who made you more excited to be alive, prouder to be alive, than you had previously believed possible?

Hold up your hands, please.

Now take down your hands and say the name of that teacher to someone else and tell them what that teacher did for you.

All done?

If this isn’t nice, what is?

PS I got valedictorian (of 2) :)