I just turned 27. I've had an emotionally difficult couple of years, and I'm sick of it. My life's so far from where I thought it would be right now. I hate myself for it, and I want to fix it. The problem is that I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything but sit in front of the computer and refresh the same four websites over and over again. I've got a pile of books I could be reading right now. I'm surrounded by instruments I haven't touched in over a week. My desk could stand being cleaned off. I've got bills to pay, but they're not due yet, I'll leave them until tomorrow. None of this stuff is hard to do, but I can't seem to make myself actually do it. How do you motivate yourself to accomplish the little things instead of putting them off until it's too late?

_refugee_:

The problem is that everything seems boring compared to the instant gratification of websites, the computer, but at the computer on the websites you find they are also so terribly boring.

A few things I've found, or find:

0. Pay your bills when you get paid, not when you/they are due. This makes it impossible to overspend, as the first money from each paycheck goes towards any/all bills due during the next 2 weeks, and since it's the first money gone, all the rest is "free/negotiable use." Do this first thing every payday. Feel good that you are doing this. Even if you are paid the 1st and the bill is due the 14th pay it today. The bill company will let you.

1. Do one small thing or set one small daily goal. "I will read 5 pages every day." or "I will practice x instrument for 20 minutes every day." Make it small, almost ridiculously small. Make it impossible not to want to do it because you know it is so easy to do. Put it on a to-do list for the day, even if it's the only item.

2. I find that the execution of #1, over time, will have the following effects: 

  - You will do more than the minimum, most days, towards this goal. (Ex: "Practice x instrument 20 days" is the goal? You may find yourself going to 30, 45 minutes half the days of the week.)
  - You will be more likely to do other necessary tasks/errands/duties later in the day after fulfilling your first (and only) obligation.
Why? Well, in regards to the second point, I find that psychologically, having "achieved" your/a goal for the day results in positive feelings. You did what you had to do! This encourages you to continue to "achieve," which creates more positive feelings, and so on. In addition, it's encouraging to realize how small, exactly, most chores/duties are, and how little time they take. You could put off doing the dishes for 24 hours but whenever you do them they will still probably take only 10 minutes, 30 if you have a lot. You have to learn that the task is not as big in practice as it seems in your mind. Once you learn that of one dreaded task you will realize this must be true of others. Finally, I find that having even one basic minimum daily requirement makes me pay more attention to how I structure my time and attention, which means I become more likely to realize I can spend the rest of that time and attention productively when I come to my senses and learn, through repeated behaviors, that everything I'm putting off takes way less time, effort, and unpleasant feeling than I think it does.

As for the first, well, I don't know, once you get started you realize how easy it is to keep going. And how good it can feel.

3. Big project looming over you, don't know how to get started? Don't put it off. Break the task into smaller tasks and space them out. Make the work less intimidating. Understand that putting off work not only makes that work worse but makes that work seem a HUNDRED times worse than it seemed or actually is. Set your own deadlines for these smaller tasks, and follow them. If you make it manageable via smaller chunks of work due at midpoints through the timeline of the whole project you will really reduce the stress you feel. You may also find that you do more work than you need to as you start going through each small "task" because you might get caught up in it or realize, it's not as hard as you think! See the points related to 1-2. (No project? GIVE YOURSELF A PROJECT. Give yourself a unified goal to work towards which many of your sub-goals can align under.)

4. Understand: - How you spend your time demonstrates what you care about and prioritize. Act accordingly. Say you love painting or writing, but never paint or write? News flash for you: you don't love painting or writing. - What the stakes are. You're out of college. Your goals are yours and only yours, your self-improvement is only yours, no one is going to assign quizzes on those books you aren't reading. Why are you doing what you are doing? Why are your goals what they are? For instance, you want to read more - why? What is the larger goal? Is it because you want to write or simply enjoy a story? Is it because you hope literature will broaden your mind? Understand that if you don't act in such a way as to realize the dreams and visions you have of yourself, you are no longer allowed to have those dreams and visions. In other words: If you like to think you're a writer, but you never write or read, you aren't allowed to call yourself a writer. It is important to realize you want to enact certain behaviors because they impact who you are, and failure to enact those behaviors results in you not being that person. To believe otherwise is simply self-delusion.

5. After completing 0-4, raise the stakes. Start at 0 again.

This is what I do and how I approach it. You are your actions. Your values are demonstrated by how you spend your time.


posted 3382 days ago