I'm a big fan of John Gottman and his work. I was going to buy a friend a copy of "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail" as part of her wedding present but then various people pointed out to me that it could seem rude, pushy, and/or would be taken negatively in potentially several completely un-meant ways. Personally, if I were going to get married, I would definitely be interested in reading up on the research surrounding relationships.

I wanted to share this article because I thought it could stir up some great discussion about kindness as well as relationships. I am casually dating someone right now and last night, after he did something nice for me and I thanked him for it, he said, "Well, that's what we're doing, right? Being nice to each other?" I liked it. Sometimes it's so easy to be "really nice" to someone you don't even notice it. For instance he's convinced I'm amazing because - I rub his back. That's literally it. Sometimes it is really easy.

Sometimes though it is really hard. Sometimes you're mad and you just want to tell someone that their eyeballs stink or whatever. Sometimes you're convinced the person on the other side of the screen is an asshole, an idiot, a troll.

When are you nice? When is being nice the most valuable? (I would say - when it is the hardest.) What do you think about kindness, love, and etc?


I had a dream last night that I was being an asshole to someone and mk came up and tapped me on the shoulder with a disapproving look. I then apologized.

I'm normally pretty kind and welcoming to people I don't know well. When I get to know people better I'm more apt to be a jerk sometimes. But isn't that the way it goes? We tend to be cruelest to the ones we love. What I've learned is that if someone is rude to me it usually has nothing to do with the topic at hand but rather something unrelated. We humans are complex puzzles of emotional oddness.

My father in law gave us a book even before we were married titled "His Needs, Her Needs." -some good advice in there.

Being nice is always valuable. You can tell a LOT about someone by how they treat people. I've met people that were rude to strangers, servers in restaurants etc and I have little patience for that.

I like the Conan O'brien quote, "if you work really hard and are kind, amazing things will happen." -I believe the hard work and the kindness are equals in that equation.

posted by _refugee_: 1897 days ago