Recently, an article ran on Noisey that was titled “How to Survive Being the Only Girl in a Band.” Because I was hearing a lot about this article from friends and I am currently the only woman in a four-piece band, I read it. What I found in this article was similar to what I found nine years ago: my feelings and needs were obsolete or secondary to a man’s. And while this piece was problematic both as an example of blatant missing-the-point feminism that was cemented in a public forum, it sure did get a lot of people talking.I spoke to a few people that I admire deeply and asked them to write a response. I asked what about this article was problematic to them and really didn’t give any further guidelines. I was interested in a broader perspective and experience than was mentioned in the original article, an article that involved stereotypes and reinforced gender roles. I was interested in how other lives have been affected by the sometimes bitter and chauvinistic world of being a musician. I wanted to open a dialogue.
As an aside, Swearin' is a great band.
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lil: Very interesting and important response to this article. Thanks bfx for posting it. Here are some lines that stood out for me. In response to finding an all-ages, punk club
We felt connected to something, which is all any teenager really wants.
Upon hearing a band whose lyrics were hateful:
It also taught me the thorough importance of words, and more specifically, the words you use when you are fortunate enough to have listeners. When you are given a public forum and you have an audience of unnamed, random people who are listening to you, why would you assume anything about them? There are ways to speak to a group of people without characterizing them and their thought processes as identical to your own, and really we should all be adhering to these unspoken rules.
I don't know what the unspoken rules would be exactly, but her comment seems to apply to hubski.The following comment seems crucial - not just for bands but any team. I'd like to see an article, for example, called "How to Survive Being the Only Girl in a Start-Up Team."
The best way to survive being the only woman in a band is to make sure you are in a band with dudes that you respect and trust, and who respect and trust you. You are strong as hell and you can take care of yourself, but sometimes you will still end up in situations (especially on tour) where the power dynamic is imbalanced and you can’t advocate for yourself alone. Your banddudes need to be able to advocate for you if needed, and understand why they are in a unique position to be supportive of you.But we all struggle uphill against the current of a thousand microaggressions daily, and we cannot always do it alone. Our male bandmates have to be our allies, and our relationship has to be built on mutual respect and an ability to communicate openly.
. . . and to be open to the possibility that people of differing genders, races, preferences and so on, might experience the world in ways different from yours - but as valid as your own. "Reality" is a constant negotiation.