“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

    I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

    “Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

    “Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

    “Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

    It didn’t seem like they did.

Funniest thing I've read in decades.

wasoxygen:

This was fantastic; thanks for sharing it. You reminded me to post a slightly less farcical item on the topic that I had been sitting on.

Note the reference to Lisowski.

    In 1604, during the early stages of the Polish-Swedish War, the Sejm of Commonwealth failed to gather money to pay its soldiers fighting in Livonia against the Swedes. Aleksander Józef Lisowski became one of the leaders of the resulting konfederacja - a mutinied part of the army, that decided to gather their wages by pillaging local civilians, not caring whether they pledged allegiance to Poland or Sweden.

posted 3655 days ago