I realized today that I need an older brother. I'm the oldest of 5 boys, and I have always let my younger brothers know that if there is something they need, or something they want to talk about, that there is no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed about it, and that I will help them. And I can't remember ever hearing anyone tell me that. I have a fairly healthy relationship with my parents, but we disagree on a lot of very important issues, and these disagreements quickly become heated issues. So, while I love my parents and depend on them, I can't open up to them fully. I feel a pressure to never talk to my younger brothers about my own problems, because I want to try and give them a model of the mentality and behaviors I wished I had when I was their age. My best friend is a great person, but he becomes very uncomfortable if our conversations get too deep, so I feel a pressure to not talk to him so I don't make him uncomfortable. Today, this very afternoon I realized that if I have a problem (There is an extra $1000 on my student loans that is going to come due in January because I didn't get a grant I needed) I have no one to talk to about it. I have no one to ask the question "How do I say this to Mom and Dad?" and it is painful.

Has anyone else felt this way? Only children? Other oldest children?

How do I figure out who I can trust with my fears in the night?