I don't want to spoil anybody's party today and I don't think there's an easy way to do this, but I think I'm gonna head on out guys. I honestly and truly love and appreciate every last one of you, but the outside world is calling my name and I think that's where I need to be. Just know that you're all amazing people and you're all capable of amazing things. Be mindful, be compassionate, and be on your best behavior. The world is lucky to have each and every last one of you and I felt similarly lucky to share your friendship here on Hubski. ~rd95
To the new users of Hubski, welcome! To the old users who've started commenting again, welcome back! To the lurkers, we know you're there and we appreciate you! To everyone who's switched to user-inactivated, you'll be missed, please consider coming back. To every person reading this, I think you're awesome.
I tried to explain to Dala earlier this morning when she brought up the subject, and I clumsily used the word "boring." Know how you know you married the right kind of person? When you accidentally diss your relationship and they're not even made because they know you didn't mean to. Anyhow . . . Way back before we got married, I was thinking about us and how I felt. I knew very easily that I was quite enamored with her, but more importantly, it was in a very calm way. There wasn't a sense of excitement to our relationship, though we did have and still do have quite a lot of fun together. It was more quiet and calm and comforting, like sitting beside a creek on a summer afternoon or staying in bed under the covers on a cold winter morning. There was no sense of urgency or uncertainty in our relationship or how I felt about her and I realized that there's something special and rare to that, to feeling deeply in love but at the same time completely calm, and I doubt I'd ever find something that firm with someone else. So, after that, I just knew what I should do.
I might delete this. I ran this by Dala as well, to make sure she was comfortable with me sharing this, because it is an issue that affects our marriage. When I was a kid, I used to be pretty adventurous and I took quite a few tumbles and suffered a few concussions in my time. These days we know those add up. A while back, I suffered a subdural hematoma. It was so bad, I was in the hospital for about a week, and initially they were literally considering cutting out a piece of my skull to relieve pressure. I almost died, which at the time wasn’t all that scary but looking back and thinking about it now, it kind of is. I guess that was a tipping point because things changed after that. For a week or so after I got out of the hospital, I was fine, but after that there has been noticeable changes to my mood, my thinking process, and my ability to process and retain information. They started out slow, then built up rapidly, and now I think the changes have plateaued. I won't go into specifics, because some things are scary, some things are embarrassing, and as a whole it's pretty personal. In short though, while I'm the same person in many ways, I'm also different because my thought processes are different, the way the world influences me is different, and I literally feel like a different person. It's also created some concerns about dementia or Alzheimers on the horizon, as those already run in my family and apparently head injuries increase the risks. The best way I can describe what I'm going through though, is that it's like I'm going through puberty all over again. I have new thought processes that are completely foreign, feel emotions that are both different and much more intense than what I’m used to, and every day I'm learning and figuring out how to cope with these changes and how they affect how I perceive and interact with the world around me. It's a lot of work and it's not easy. There are some distinct upsides though. I'm way more into art than I used to be, I'm even more into nature than I used to be (I didn't even think that was possible), and I'm much more empathetic than I used to be. Not that that’s a decent trade off. If I could go back in time and undo the damage, I would in a heart beat.
Drunkenly! I won't share the story, as it's a personal one I hold close to my chest, but rest assured, I was deeply and shamefully inebriated. Believe it or not, Dala was none too impressed, but being the smart cookie that she is, she said "yes" anyways.Married folks of Hubski, how did you propose?
Sorry for the abrupt exit the other day. Working through shit and I realized naturally and through consultation with some people that it was the wrong thing to do. Have an apology bunny.
If crying is the worse you're doing, you've come far. I'm sorry to hear things didn't work, but keep trucking on dude and keep trying to improve. Right now, you deserve the best you that you can be.
Surly Bird Source Image Sleepy Fox Source Image Serious Goat Source Image I honestly really, really hate that goat picture. I was doing so well drawing the actual goat and then I messed everything up by just rushing to try and fill in the background without putting any effort into it. Then I tried to fix it and in doing so, made it even worse. So now I have this really okay looking goat surrounded by a messy blob of color that just ruins the effort I put into it because I didn’t want to put effort into the rest of the picture. It’s a metaphor for life people, let the eyesore be a warning.
Job Hunting I’m dropping off a few more applications today. Talking to someone the other day, they think the reason I’m not getting hired anywhere is because I make too much as it is and because of that no one wants to give my applications a further look. So I’m thinking of no longer filling out the pay history section of job applications. Anyone have any thoughts on that? That job I mentioned the other week, that I applied for? The one I think would be really cool to work at? I haven’t heard back from them even after leaving a voicemail and all. It’s pretty disappointing, but that’s the way these things go I guess. I’m just kicking things into high gear at this point, because work is not going good anymore (not that it has been, for a long while). Work Without going into too much detail, I’ve had this job for over ten years with the exception of that time where I got that new job but things fell through, found a different job but things fell through, so I’m back where I’m at. Over the past five or six years now, working at the place has been like sitting in the passenger seat of a car heading straight for a wall, all in slow motion. The things that have happened year over year has been crazy. Compared to when I first started, we’re at about 40% of the payroll hours of what we used to have. As a result, people are over worked and over whelmed and we’re at the point where it’s literally impossible to get done everything that needs doing in the course of a day. In addition to the slashing in hours, there has been layoffs and department shut downs, the cutting back of benefits, anything the company can do to save money even if it means they’re shooting themselves in the foot. That alone makes the place a ghost of itself. It’s worse though, in so many ways I don’t want to get into. The scariest thing though, is the culture now. You guys know what a brain drain is? When a country’s economy starts to go bad so all of the smart, hard working people leave the country for greener pastures and there’s a positive feedback loop and every cycle things get worse and more people leave? That’s literally what’s happening at this company. What was once a place of encouragement and empowerment has been replaced by goons in charge and an oppressive bully culture. I’m not a lawyer or a business analyst or anything, but I do know some of the lingo and I know my rights as a worker and I think at this point and from my perspective, the whole company could pretty much be summed up as a hostile work environment. It’s a pretty normal thing now to talk to employees who are frustrated and angry and overwhelmed and scared and there’s gossip and backbiting and it’s hard to keep out of and things are pretty scary. Really scary. Back to the car crash analogy, the wall has been oncoming for years. Without going into specifics though, some crazy scary crap has gone down the past few weeks I think we’ve finally hit the point where the car has come into contact with the wall and the engine compartment is getting crushed and glass is shattering and this vehicle is an ‘80s GM G-Body with no airbags and shitty seat belts. Things are fucked up, really bad, and it’s obvious they’re only gonna get worse. The crazy thing is though? On realizing this, I’m not scared or frustrated or upset. I’m gonna do my best to get out, like I’ve been trying, and keep my head up in the mean time. Other than that, I really feel emotionally detatched from what’s going on. I think it’s because I’ve wanted to rage quit so many times over the past year and haven’t, that I’m just in a mental place where my job doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing I’m scared about is the wellbeing of my coworkers. For quite a few of them, this crappy job is the only thing keeping their lives together and that’s pretty awful to think about. At this point, I’d want to note I have a back up plan. One of my coworkers is a manager at another job and has been begging me to work for them for a few years now. Only problem is, it’s minimum wage. It’s nice to know though, if something happens to me at this job, I have a pretty much guaranteed safety net. Also funny, my boss is trying to get me to come in today. It’s Christmas week and I have errands for the whole day (including dropping off those applications I mentioned). They asked yesterday for me to come in today and I said no, but I’d be willing to come in early or stay late on another shift to help out. They asked again today and got the same response from me. They’re probably dragging my name through the dirt right now in front of my coworkers, cussing me under their breath like they do whenever things don’t go their way, which is funny cause I constantly work extra shifts, come in early, stay late, never call in sick, and always give 110% when I’m working. Heck, the past four out of my six paychecks I’ve already worked past my alloted payroll hours. The one time I say “no” though? I become Villain #1. New Years Resolution I finally stopped drinking about two or three months back. It took me the majority of 2017 to get there, but here I am. I already miss it, quite a bit actually, especially when I see people on television drinking beers, whiskey, etc. Everything looks delicious. I have the same problem with smoking. I’ve been tobacco free for seven or eight years now but every time I see a cigarette or cigar, I want one. It’s nice though, to have that willpower over it. The plus side is, I’m actually a bit more productive now because lets be honest, you can’t take boozy naps if you don’t drink any booze. So what do I do with my new found free time? Chores. ::Half hearted cheer:: Yay. I love chores. So what’s my new, new years resolution for next year? I’m gonna focus on being a more positive person. That means I’m gonna try my best stop making disparaging comments about people in power, governments (on all levels, domestic and foreign), getting into useless arguments on the internet, listening to others gossip, the usual. It’s a tall order and it’s gonna take some time to get there, but I think with practice, I’ll get good at it pretty quick. Study Bibles and Qurans The other week Dala had gotten a study bible as a Christmas gift for a friend of ours. She happened to pick one up for ourselves as well since she knew I needed a new one. I haven’t done more than just thumb through it yet, but it looks more than halfway decent. It made me miss my old NIV Study Bible though so I swung by the bookstore to see if they had one in stock. They did. For $100. I don’t remember how much mine cost but I’m halfway sure it wasn’t that much. So I think I’m gonna hold off for now. That said, while I was there I figure I’d check to see if they have any Study Qurans to replace the one I lent out so many years ago. They did, this guy and let me tell you, it’s both really cool and a lot to take in. To give you an idea of how loaded it is, this thing is about three inches thick and the pages are as thin as you can possibly get (think tissue paper thin). When you start going through it though, you suddenly see why. On every page, only about the top third of the page is religious text. The other two thirds of the page? Information upon information upon information. We’re talking history, language, culture, on and on. This thing is detailed, almost to a fault. It’s not what I would call a fun way to read the Quran, partly because the religious text itself is in plain english (if language was a food, this thing would be white rice with just a touch of salted butter) and the format of only reading the top third of the book kind of hurts the flow. But other than that, wow, I don’t think I can recommend this book enough. I’m thinking about getting two copies to donate to my local Baha’i Center. It’s good for a library like that. So yeah, that’s kind of life at the moment. Christmas is almost here Hubski, here’s hoping you’re all having an amazing close out to this year.
I'm almost done with The Earth Abides. It's pretty good, though I think in my opinion the whole of the book doesn't live up to the amazingness of the first chapter. I think my only real quibble with it is that the author thinks some things will last a lot longer than they really would. After twenty years, most canned food would be without flavor or nutrition, and even if they were able to get a car running again, by that point gasoline would have long since gone bad. The ideas are fun though, especially when the author describes what's going on in the world outside of Isherwood's view, and the whole story unfolds very easily. It's not bad.
This is my second time drawing this image. The first time around, I did it in pencils and it was a lot different. The man looked more like a man and was wearing a shoot, it was on a roof in a city with tall buildings in the background. Blah blah blah. Anyway, I experimented with shadows on the tree, grass on the ground, and the flow of water. I think if I draw this a third time, I'll put feathers on the bird. Random Statements Adventure Time is a fun show. I'm not a fan of stretchy jeans. I'm looking harder at going back to school. Hubski is full of wonderful people that I'm fortunate to talk to.
A short survey for Hubskiers 1) How many books do you have within arms reach at this exact moment? (You can lean over to grab it, but you can't leave your seat) 2) If you could choose an animal familiar, what would it be? 3) True or False - Rocky IV is the quintessential American Cold War Film. Life There's a lot going on right now and I feel pretty overwhelmed. I have a job offer that I may or may not take. I'm still trying to figure out how to swing going to college this fall. I've made some new friends recently, one of which is a really cool person who is so much like me in a lot of ways it's pretty amazing and I've also reconnected with some friends I literally haven't seen for months. They're the kind of friends where everyone says "We need to have dinner soon!" and everyone says it with earnesty and enthusiasm, which is amazing. Spring is finally here and with it comes the sense that literally anything in life is possible. Every year around this time I tell myself "THIS IS GONNA BE MY YEAR" and every year it ends up not being my year, at least not in the way I expect. But whenever I look back, for all the ways I feel like I came up short, I can name just as many ways I grew. I feel genuinely lucky that I'm able to recognize that, because it keeps me going. So once again, I can feel it. This is gonna be my year.
The conversations I have on here are deeper, weirder, and cooler than everyday conversations I have in person (save a personal friend or two). Additionally, in the past year or so, my reading list has taken a turn for the more interesting and compelling. That's 100% due to the conversations I've been a part of or witnessed on here.
Happy Valentine's Day Pubski. <3
I can't believe a comment on a pop culture discussion is what drew me out, but what ever. It's a three day weekend and I'm a bit board. I agree mostly with what you say, but comparing Steven Universe to Family Guy is like comparing Grave of the Fireflies to Naruto. I'm being a bit hyperbolic, but you get the drift. I've been watching Cartoon Network on and off since it first came on the air and through the years they've had some real hits and some real misses. That said, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, Regular Show, Clarence, and The Amazing World of Gumball are all solid story telling shows. The people who complain about Teen Titans Go! and who will eventually complain about Thundercats Roar! are the kind of people who don't want to acknowledge that they're watching a different kind of cartoon with a different story telling goal than the source material. The visuals fit the storytelling and are appropriate. Me personally? I love TTG and I'm kind of excited to see Thundercats Roar just out of curiosity, even though I'm not a Thundercats fan. Anyway, the people complaining about this kind of stuff don't understand that tastes evolve and with them so do stylistic elements and storytelling techniques. You know what all looks the same at first glance? Midieval Illuminated Manuscripts. You know what else all looks the same at first glance? Filigree and scroll work on antique silver. Know what else all looks the same at first glance? Comics from decade X. I could literally go on forever, but you get the idea. Just as much as this stuff is similar, once you get to notice them and pay attention to them you can start to really pick out distinct differences and styles. I bet half the people who are complaining about this loves Japanese Cartoons. You won't hear me say how those all look the same, because I know they don't. But if I did, they'd be quick to tell me how wrong I am.
Hubski is a pretty small bar. Stepping on feet from time to time is inevitable. You're also an ESL speaker with a different cultural background than America/Western Europe so there's some additional struggle there. Everyone here is actually pretty quick to forgive and forget. As for people in the west hating Russia? Maybe it's from where I'm standing, but we don't see everyday citizens as villains, no matter what country you're from. You're all trying to get by just as much as we are. Hell, if you come here you'd probably pretty much be greeted with open arms. And with an accent? Shoot, ladies would be tripping over themselves to get a chance to talk to you. American girls love foreign accents.
Drawing I've been trying to describe this image and why I've drawn it for the past five or ten minutes. I'm gonna be fucking honest with you. I don't completely no why I drew it. Yes, I did learn a few things in the process. Yes, I am ashamed of it. Yes, I'm also oddly proud of it. No, I will never do something like this again unless I literally can't think of anything else to draw. Yes, I'm sorry for making it. No, I'm not sorry for sharing it. Fucking look at it and weep. Weep for yourself. Weep for me. Weep for mankind. Life I'm having a good week overall. I have absolutely no reason why I should feel like I'm having a good week but I'm having one anyway. Dala and I are gonna make tacos, hopefully pork tacos, this weekend and I'm excited to make them. Hubski Howdy to both PTR and AdamTheChespin. I'm sincerely excited to see you both here. Sorry my first shout out to the two of you involves such a shit drawing. Please don't hold that against the community. Edit: Also, howdy to FirebrandRoaring even though we've already conversed a bit. It's good to have you here.
Have you run a server stress test lately? I recommend hitting it with a sledgehammer and then throwing it off a cliff into the Atlantic Ocean. If it can survive that, it has a chance of surviving a massive Reddit influx.
MAY I PLEASE HAVE PUBSKI'S ATTENTION! ATTENTION EVERYONE! ATTENTION PLEASE! I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO SHARE! . . . . . . . . . I think this is one handsome fella. That is all.
I don't mean to sound like a luddite or a tech vegan or something, but I have some personal experiences with this. I got off Facebook years ago, because suddenly I felt like I was being pressured to keep people up to date with my life and it was making me unhappy. I didn't go through major withdrawal, but a few months later, I realized I was happier. I finally got off Reddit earlier this year, because I don't like the atmosphere of it and I didn't like how I constantly felt compelled to check Reddit to see what was being posted, what was being said, what statements were gonna make me angry, what statements I was gonna agree with, etc. I did go through quite a bit of a withdrawal, but a few months later, I realized I was happier. Shortly after Reddit, for a number of reasons, I gave up my smart phone and went back to a flip phone. No internet. No e-mails. No video games. Just calling, texting, and an MP3 player. I had no idea how much I was tied to my phone until I gave it up. Seriously. Every time I had a free moment, I pulled it out to check the time. Since I had it out to check the time, I'd do something else. I'd check my e-mail. I'd get on Hubski. I'd see what's going on in the news. Checking. Checking. Checking. Always checking. Sometimes consciously, sometimes semi-consciously where I knew what I was doing and didn't want to do it but for some reason I couldn't stop myself. Sometimes, I'd find myself wanting to check my phone, unable to do so, and become a really weird combination of frustrated and anxious. I'm so, so, so much happier now. It's crazy. I'm paying attention to nature again. The lizards and the birds in my backyard. I'm appreciating trees and flowers. When I have free moments, I pull my phone out, check the time, make sure I don't have any texts, and put it back in my pocket. My movie time is uninterrupted. My time with the dog is uninterrupted. I feel so untethered. I went to a wedding recently and I gave my phone to my wife to keep in her purse so I wouldn't have it in my pockets ruining the line of the pants. I didn't once think about it the whole time. If the wedding happened exactly a year ago, I can almost bet I'd be feeling an emotional tug to want to pull it out and check my e-mail, check the news, check Reddit, check Hubski. Phone. Phone. Phone. Craziness. I'm not completely curred though. Sometimes, early in the morning when I wake up and the whole world is still asleep, I seek out Dala's tablet so I can sit on the couch and check the news and Hubski and see what's new. So, I dunno. Maybe even if we don't use everything described in the article as it's described in the article, they got some points.
A vulture and a flower. Hermit hiding behind a boulder in front of a door. This is that picture I was telling mk about in last week’s Pubski where I was using the Wikimedia image of a mine for reference. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/1f/Canis_lupus_dingo_-_cleland_wildlife_park.JPG/1024px-Canis_lupus_dingo_-_cleland_wildlife_park.JPG Gonna try to draw this guy later today, minimal lines, only using one shade each of brown, green, grey, and black. Threw away my first empty Sharpie marker yesterday. The grey one. Fortunately Dala had bought me a 24 pack as a gift a while back so I had a spare in waiting. Feels like I hit a milestone though. I think I’m gonna go back to school for Logistics. I’m gonna call a counselor on Friday and see what I can set up. Skipping work today. I wish I could skip that place forever.
I like this picture, no real reason, just do. I don't think it's good enough for a thread of it's own, so I'll just leave it here.
Random Statements Jobs are a status symbol. People not only care whether or not you work, they also care about the kind of work that you do, how much money they think you make, etc., and judge you accordingly. As a result, a large part of people's egos are tied to their jobs, for better or for worse. I once had a co-worker, a genuinely nice girl, bemoan the fact that she couldn't find a good guy worth dating. Through conversing over time, I learned she had plenty of guys interested in her, but none of them made enough money. She wasn't a gold digger, but things like a good place to live and a job with health insurance were on the list of requirements for men she'd be willing to date. I tend to go back and forth on wondering whether or not that's fair. Sometimes it seems that social world views end up influencing people, even if they directly don't hold that world view. For example, I know a couple that have been together for over a decade and have three children together. The husband only works part time, because his wife makes a ton of dough, so he takes care of the kids. He's told me that his wife's parents make disparaging remarks about him on the regular because they don't think he earns enough and I think that's totally not fair. I think socio-economic status doesn't affect just whether or not someone wants to marry you, but also whether or not someone wants to have kids with you. I know a few married couples that are childless, not because they want to be, but because they literally can't afford to have kids. If a woman wants to have a marriage with kids as a life goal, that's gonna cycle back to whether or not a guy's job is gonna make him suitable for marriage.
To add a third layer to this, because you and kleinbl00 have very good points, but I got a very different take away from this article. It's from my experience that people need work, and not for the pay, but to give them something to do with their lives and a sense of meaning. I was very fortunate to meet someone recently who is a social worker who helps people with mental health and substance abuse issues find work. One of the things that they told me about is that many people who have been out of work for a long time feel listless and despondent. So as a result, while they're helping these people find jobs, they're also helping them find volunteer work to get them out of the house and get them moving again. Apparently, among the benefits of creating a weekly regimen, contacts, and work experience for these people, it has a profound impact on their mental health in a positive way. A lot of people truly enjoy work. When I read this article, my mind replaces "bullshit" with "meaningless" and I can't help but wonder if seemingly meaningless work is just as psychologically unhealthy as no work. It could maybe even be worse.
I have a Chick Tract on my desk given to me by a very nice lady the other week. It's called "Soul Survivor." It is absolutely charming and if I didn't know that these things are serious, I would have considered this to be one of the best parodies ever written. I will treasure it until I somehow accidentally lose it in a pile of paperwork. Texted Dala that the way the world is going, I'm seriously considering becoming an ascetic. For some reason, my phone auto corrected it to aesthetic. I now have two radically different but equally compelling options into how I'm gonna re-write my life. The only question is, how does one exactly pursue becoming an aesthetic?
I have wanted a house for as long as I can remember. For many reasons. Because I can do what I want with it, fill it with whatever I want, invite whoever I want over for dinner, and on and on and on. To me a house is status, it's independence, but most importantly, it's control. It's worth the trade off of having to worry about maintenance and such. Each year I get older though and each year the world looks a little weirder and a little less familiar. Jobs and economy, politics and social discourse, technology. 15 years is a long time and in my eyes too long of a time to be in debt to someone. When I don't know what I'm going to look like five, ten, or fifteen years from now, and I certainly don't know what the world is going to look like five, ten, or fifteen years from now, the prospect of a mortgage seems riskier and riskier. Rising home prices don't help, because the higher the price I have to pay for a house, the greater risk I'll take if I take out a loan. 15 years is 120 months. It's 5475 days. It's 131,400 hours. Those months, those days, those hours are all filled with countless moments where your life can change in a way you've never expected. A debt like a home loan is a pretty big risk.
Boat Watching Summer Nap Nose Hug I don't really have anything worth sharing as far as thoughts or ideas or events or nothing. You know what they say though, no news is good news. Here's hoping you're all having a great week.
Hermit looking at the city from a distance. Hermit showing a flower to a curious creature. Two weeks ago in Pubski I said I had an idea to draw a silent comic about a hermit who finds himself deciding to live in a city. Here he is. Obviously, these aren't comics, but I think I'm just gonna draw him in various scenes for a while, just to practice drawing. I'm really and seriously thinking I'm gonna go back to school. It won't be for anything crazy, like a degree, but a friend of mine showed me one of my community colleges has a bunch of work certifications and work retraining programs and they look doable, and affordable, and I'm gonna fucking make it happen. They have so many options, from forklift training to HAZMAT certification, to clerical training, to machine repair, to all sorts of shit. I bet this isn't an anomaly. I bet there's colleges all over the place that offer shit like this. Best of all, it's not a for profit, over the internet, we're gonna scam you college. This is a real place, with a physical campus, with real teachers, and all that shit. This shit is legit. I had a draining day at work today. All of my enthusiasm has been sucked out of me today. But man, when I think about this, and talk to Dala or my parents or my friends about this, I'm so fucking pumped. I feel like I've been facing a brick wall for years now and someone just came by and said "Psst. There's a sledgehammer behind those bushes. Go to town." This year, I'm gonna stroll over to that sledgehammer, give the wall one last look, and then beat the ever loving shit out of it until it's nothing but rubble. Fucking wall deserves to be nothing but rubble, cause I want what's on the other side. Fuck yeah.
Kevin was the name of her son. "While most filial responsibility laws contemplate civil enforcement, some include criminal penalties for adult children or close relatives who fail to provide for family members when challenged to do so. Typically, these laws obligate adult children (or depending on the state, other family members) to pay for their indigent parents’/relatives' food, clothing, shelter and medical needs. Should the children fail to provide adequately, they allow nursing homes and government agencies to bring legal action to recover the cost of caring for the parents. Adult children can even go to jail in some states if they fail to provide filial support."There was an article in the Washington Post, I think, where some lady said her retirement plan was her "401 Kevin."