lol

BOTH MUTHERFUCKER

I'm fuckin' beat. I just played tour guide nonstop for two weeks because my best friend and then my sister each spent a week at my house. The first week was fun, the second less so - I ended up basically repeating the first week note for note because I didn't want to think of new things to do. I mostly stay at home or within a mile of my house, so I had little to no idea of what would constitute "sightseeing" in Portland.

On the plus side, I have an 11 day break starting tomorrow. Lots of plans.

Pictures I'll upload after work: socks and hats I've been knitting, sweaters I've been sewing, maybe some of the pastel stuff I've been drawing.

Poop quality picture. I've never worked with knits before, sewing jersey collars suuuucks. Getting better though.

Lots of socks! Lots of hats! Trying to turn all my leftover yarn into finished projects before moving in May.

Pastels. Mostly just been working on Bob Rosses, finally moved beyond using black 400 grit sandpaper as my pastel paper.

Au contraire:

Love me some Eyvind Earle

Also, landscape adjacent:

Not a great start to the new year.

My dog has become very violent in the week I was gone, and has found a way to both burrow under, and jump over our 5 ft. fence. We lost him for about 3 hours the other day because he jumped into our neighbors yard and ran as far away as he could. He bit our landlord's dog (no blood, but that's just because I managed to get him off in time). He managed to get shit inside of my acoustic guitar. Literal shit.

I don't blame him for acting crazy. He's living in a 500 sq. ft space (realistically less, because he's mot allowed in the bathroom), and it's now dangerous to leave him outside alone. He constantly hears 5 chickens and 3 ducks through our bedroom wall, because that's where our landlords decided to put their coops. All our neighbors insist on walking their dogs without leashes, despite asking countless times for them to, uh, not do that. We don't really take him for walks much now. Our schedules changed, and he's home alone for 10 hours most days.

Also, he barks every time I play the flute.

We're looking into finding him a new home. We're locked into our lease until May, and moving across the country with no decent way of transporting him in June. After that, living in my family's house with another dog and 14 actors. After that, who fucking knows.

He's a good dog that we are just in no way fit to care for. Nothing's certain, but I think we know.

--------

My girlfriend's grandpa died yesterday. We pooled our little savings to buy her a plane ticket out, and she's leaving tonight.

They weren't too close, but she and her grandma are. She was married to her husband for 60 years, and is not functioning right now. She has a 40 year old son with special needs, and 5 without. I drank too much with 2 of them last night.

--------

I've spent 3 hours a day playing piano every day this week. To the extent that I make resolutions, my sole pick this year is to get better at piano.

At home sick today. These damn preschoolers are diiiisgusting. Anyway, more time for knitting and games.

Knitting

Matching Hat/A mitten

I learned cabling recently, made the hat from this pattern. Not sure whether I'm going to make another mitten to match this one, started on another pair. This was the first mitten I've made, it's got some structural problems (and, uh, the pattern is actually on the inside of the mitten because I made it upside down).

Honeycomb mittens

EDIT: Mitten 1 finished.

Dala, just realized I never responded to your knitting - it looks awesome! Some really beautiful colors, and the lace is great.

The same Emerson quote that's been haunting me for a few years: "We see young men who owe us a new world, so readily and lavishly they promise, but they never acquit the debt; they die young and dodge the account: or if they live, they lose themselves in the crowd". (from "Experience", an essay that shakes me every time I read it).

For the whole time I've been making music, I've also been making excuses for why I never play in public. Hell, even just go to an open mic every month or so. There are about 20 full, pretty good songs that I have written and nobody's ever heard. I'm scared of leaving behind less than I could have.

I'm scared of dying young and full of ideas, like my brother. It would be his 25th birthday this Thursday, and I'll probably spend some of the night looking over the notes he made in the margins of scripts he never got a chance to direct.

As someone who would love to work my way through at least part of the PCT at some point, this was an awesome read! Some pretty breathtaking photos here, thank you so much for sharing.

Any clue what the small white flowers/plants in the first picture of Section 4 are? They're gorgeous and vaguely ghostly.

Lots of things percolating. Bought a Real Book a few weeks ago, and have been working my way through trying to memorize some of my favorite songs. The goal is to have 20 songs memorized by the end of the summer, gonna try and get some bar gigs. Also nearly done recording a secret summer music project, should be out soonish.

In more interesting (to me) news, I'm preparing a D&D campaign right now, and have been finding some really cool resources worldbuilding through RNG. Notably, In Corpathium, which is a crazy setting that is built entirely by throwing a bunch of dice one time.

My boyfriend bought me a bass, so I made this this morning.

----------

MY MOM IS COMING TO SEE ME TOMORROW! Which is very exciting for me. I haven't seen any family since I moved out here in december, so it'll be good to see her.

Have yet to read it, will add to this comment when I do, but here's a fun Flac fact:

When I was about 15, I went to Joann's fabrics, bought some fake suede, cork board, and the ingredients needed to make a cast of my foot with the intention of cobbling myself a pair of shoes. I didn't have a sewing machine at this point, so everything was hand stitched. I think I used this tutorial, if I remember correctly.

I spent basically the entire weekend working, and ended up having to recast my feet 3 times to get it right. I forgot to eat entirely one day because I was so invested in working on cobbling. The end product was a horribly unattractive grey Toms knock off that was slightly too tight for my foot because I got the seam allowance wrong. I only ever ended up making one shoe, never the whole pair, but I still considered it a success, and had no real desire to try it again. Never wore the shoe anywhere or really even showed anyone.

There's something there about craft being more about the process than the end-goal that I'm not sure I believe, but it's a story that I think says a lot about me.

----------

Tangentially related, I applied to a job that I think might be perfect for me the other day: a bartender at an arts and crafts bar. Basically pouring people drinks and helping them make wallets and shit. Part of the application was "submit a picture of a recent project!", and in an effort to hedge my bets and show off multiple craft skills, I sent this:

I was deeply conflicted about wanting to write "hire me" in scrabble tiles on the board, but decided against it.

FLAC'S GOT THE FLU, Y'ALL

And it sucks. Things I have done to kill time: knit some scarves (pictured below), painted a kitchen, read 10 discworld books, aaaand that's about it. Luckily, I seem to be at the tail end of it. Having the flu, coupled with Portland's general lack of functionality in the recent snow storm has made me feel a little helpless the past week or so, but things are getting better. I am starting a job at a local pizza place in a few weeks, and hoping to make a bit of money on the side from shirts etc.

Shirts etc.

Wrinkled as all hell, but here it is. I've been toying around with Mandarin collars recently (here's an interesting article about them), as they save a bit of time and feel modern to me.

A silly scarf for the dog:

Fun fact, this type of thing sells for like $10 around here, so I may try and get some of that fancy pup cash.

Also, scarves:

Not my finest work, but I had a lot of riding in cars to do, so I figure I'd take up knitting again.

In an exciting turn, I may start selling clothes at a local shop in exchange for working there once a week. Will give updates once things solidify.

Oh my GOD, now I have to do it. Added to my list of novelty shirt business ideas

Similarly to War, my dad's brother. The ONLY thing I know about him is the one sentence my dad told me after my brother died: "I had another brother. Mark. He was an engineer, so he killed himself by piping exhaust into his car. He was 22. I don't talk about him". I don't know if it was just that he was frazzled at the time, but he definitely said "so".

We have a family friend named Mark. I had always assumed that's who I got my middle name from.

I want to ask my dead uncle what he was like. I want to ask him what my dad, his brother, was like when he was my age. I want to know what he would feel like knowing I share his name, his age.

What's it like being an engineer? Every man in my dad's family for 3 generations was a builder or an engineer, except my dad (who I guess disappointed everyone by becoming a lawyer?), and I feel like if a few things had changed, I might be one too. I want to understand everything, I want to know how it all fits together and how to take it apart and make it better. I want to build.

What's it like dying from exhaust? Would he have done it again?

Emotions!

So, my partner came out to me as trans (ftm) last week. I have a whole lot of feelings on that, but I am trying to be as supportive as I can right now. He isn't considering top surgery or T until another 2 years or so, which makes me less anxious. I am having a bit of trouble with pronouns, because he is only out to a handful of people, so I am still using she/her pronouns when referring to my partner around my family, which feels... weird.

On top of all this, he is now living in Portland, which had been the plan for many months, but is still a hard change to get used to.

I am in a really irritating liminal pre-moving state right now. I actually planned ahead for once in my life, so all the things I would normally be scrambling to take care of before I move to Chicago are done. I don't have any friends near my hometown, and the only thing I can feel productive doing is recording music, but that is only really possible for about 4 or 5 hours a day, after which my fingers just cant do it anymore.

Things I have done out of crippling boredom

Re-fitted all my pants

Re-fitted several shirts

Watched 5 seasons of Ru-Paul's Drag Race

Re-organized my bookshelf using Dewey decimal and then Library of Congress systems.

Talked to an ex (this was a mistake)

Sensory Deprivation for 4 hours

Sensory Deprivation for 5 hours (different day)

Knit a scarf

Reorganized my spices, put them in matching metal containers.

Re-seasoned my cast iron.

Sharpened my knives.

Drank. A lot. Most days.

The last one scares me a bit. I know it will be easier once I'm actually out doing activities and working and operating on a semi-consistent schedule, but the urge to drink is hitting me hard these days.

EDIT: pronoun wonkiness, figure I may as well just clarify: I am a cis male and present as such, my partner is transitioning from cis female to trans man.

So, my summer job title is "Residential Coordinator" for a local theater company, which basically means that anything housing related falls under my responsibilities.

I get a call last night at around 2 AM, saying there are millions of ants coming out of the walls at one of the houses. I bike down, almost get hit by a car because I forgot my flashlight. I get to the house.

They are definitely termites, not ants.

I have to figure out how to proceed today. If we fumigate and try to deal with them ASAP, then we have to relocate the actors for a few days, which we do NOT have the budget for.

Hubski, how dire are termites? Is this an ASAP thing?

PS all other life aspects are good. I am also composing/playing music for one of the shows this troupe is doing, which has been hella fun.

oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit I'm in London all alone ahhHhhHhhhHhhhHh

(But in a good way)

I walked around for about 4 hours today trying to find my hostel. My phone died and I had only a very tiny map of a different part of London to work with, but I got here! Very excited, less nervous than I anticipated. Flying alone was weird.

Unrelated, but I read "The Will to Change" by bell hooks last week, and it struck about a million chords. I feel a lot more self-love now, and am a lot more comfortable with myself.

EDIT: rjw where u at