The makerspace i was at definitely was a toxic place. My first replacement lasted 1 month, the second just quit after 8 months. There’s one employee left doing my past role and they are hiring 2 more people. Granted, the project is growing and they might just need more HR but I also remember how demanding the role was, without any sort of support. I had expressed how I felt unsupported, but they could not manage to find time to give me ONE 2h meeting a month, while I was essentially running the place. I’d go months without any sort of feedback and have to run after people to answer yes/no emails that would block my progress. I didn’t work a lot at all, only about 30h weeks. But I also essentially was always on call since the place was open 24/7 and there were classes every day. So essentially if there were any problems, I was the first person of contact. My boss would blame me when I’d push back against it, but at 25$/h… fuck that. It was so mentally draining I didn’t have time for anything else anyway.

I’m glad I got out of there. Fingers crossed I find a new job soon and it’s good for me. I have an interview in 2h, hopefully it’s the one!

Still no job, but I'm getting more promising interviews. It feels like people are finally coming back from vacation and being more responsive in the hiring process. I'll send out another batch of applications next week and then take a break. There are 2 jobs I interviewed for I feel I did well - but I am waiting for a reply. Got rejected for a role I found really interesting - but they decided not to fill the role at all and hire freelancers instead. So in a way it feels okay because it's more about the company not having the budget, not my abilities. I'm hopeful for fall being a good hiring season, I have gotten some good interview practice and have understood my options a lot better. Somehow, even after almost 3 months of trying I'm still feeling optimistic and confident. And when summer is over, ramping up my search efforts will yield more results.

Decided to go to Burning man after all - i'm a bit better off financially than i was expecting and I feel it will be a fun year for me. I have the whole event week free of responsibilities as i'm not going with a camp or signing up for any volunteering. Friends have offered to make things easy for me such as delivering me a box of things and my bike directly there - so I only have my personal things to manage! And then I'm staying 5 extra days to help the Rangers - which will be a super fun experience AND guarantee me a free ticket for next year again. I'm hoping to have a blast this year, and then potentially stop going every year unless there's a completely different way for me to re-live it. After going 5 times, I need a complete change in the way I participate every time to keep the experience rewarding.

Made it across Larkhe La Pass 5160m trek in Nepal! Gave up on the daily meditation halfway through - but had some amazing moments uptop a hill, listening to the sounds of birds and avalanches before that. I feel my hiking got much faster and stronger, got closer with my travel buddy and saw some truly beautiful views. Can’t wait for the hot shower and private room tomorrow. It’s been a trip of a lifetime.

Finished up the bike touring - time to plan out the Nepal trip. Right now we are torn between doing the Manaslu trek and the 3 passes trek. Both have positives/negatives but in the end I know whichever one we pick will be good. I’m a little worried about being cold and altitude sick and tired from the heavy backpack and getting food poisoning and being dirty with limited laundry available. But the past month has given me confidence in my resilience so I welcome the challenge and know it’s going to be a worthwhile experience in the end.

I’m slowly making moves to set myself up for success at my return back home. Feeling motivated to focus on my career (something I have never done in my life ever) and invest into my health by exercising more. It’s finally dawning on me that by making plans and setting goals I stand a chance of getting something done. I think in the past I just never cared to, or didn’t know what I wanted well enough to try. I was happy to hop from one fun opportunity to the next, amassing experiences in the process. But now I’m wanting to leverage these experiences into something more than another funky gig. Ive always had an entrepreneurial mindset and have had moderate success in all the little projects I have attempted. But in my youthful naivety secretly hoped to luck upon some untapped goldmine in my attempts. I’ve uncovered some good plans, but they were all short lived as others start to clue in eventually. Excited for what’s to come and what the future holds for me now that I’ve chosen to make it my focus.

I’m back in town! Planning to move back to my apartment by December but it looks like my ex still has not found a place to move to. The market is tough, but also it’s been 3 months now… and it’s rough because he’s looking for a cheap place. I don’t want to be a dick and kick him out but I also need to move on.

I have a lot of thinking to do about what I’m looking for in a partner, because it almost feels like the qualities I want would not occur in a single person. But I’m not going to be dating for now. Probably need to stay single for a little while after 10 years with someone.

Also need to evaluate my next career move. My previous job solidified my worries about not being a fit for stable 9-5 office work. But it’s also the type of work I can most easily find and am most qualified for. My ideal contract-based, engaging, well paying and possibly remote position probably doesn’t exist. I still have time, but my friend was advising me not to do things Willy nilly like I have been and always keep in mind to build towards something. But that type of more long term thinking is giving me anxiety about the decisions I will have to be making soon. Because that could be anything from moving countries to going back to school to changing specialisation… I like to do meaningful shit but also would not mind being paid more at this point in my life, do something beyond entry level stuff. I’ve done a ton of interesting work in my life so far, but it’s getting frustrating how often the same question falls back on the table and it often doesn’t feel like I’ve made progress on finding an answer. Despite being a really competent person overall and good at getting shit done.

Had my last day at work yesterday! YAY! Leaving on extremely good terms - 2 people from the board have explicitly told me I’m welcome back anytime and that they will gladly write me a recommendation letter for whatever I need in the future. One member mentioned he has friends organizing 4K people tech conferences in Berlin, Amsterdam, Goa and San Fran and they could introduce them to me if I’m looking for work. Not looking for work at the moment, but it’s nice to know these opportunities are out there when I’ll start looking.

Plans are getting more concrete - every day in October is busy already! Turns out I’m going to Madrid with the parents. My father is getting old, I’m going to make the best of this trip for sure.

Going to see a fortune teller for my first time ever this afternoon. It’s half a joke, half a recommendation from my friend Baptiste that found the experience helpful. I’ve never done any of that wooowoo BS before despite (or because) all these years in the burning man community. I’ll report back how it goes! It’s a natal chart reading so it’s the kind of thing you only need to do once anyway.

My friend had this really fucked up thing happen to her, where her family in Iran tricked her into coming home because her father was sick. And when she arrived, she found out he's actually been dead for more than a month - they just hid it from her so she would not flunk her Pharmacy final exams. Her mom was texting her for weeks pretending to be her dad. Her older brother is inheriting the from my understanding successful family business and it's creating lots of drama and tension. Her older sister never truly found her place in Canada, is apparently a bit mentally unstable and was planning a permanent move to Iran pre-pandemic.

So she just spent a few month there, trying to untangle some messes and grieving her father while helping her mom and sister find a new place to live. She's devastated she didn't get to attend her father's funeral, but says she understands her family for doing what they did, because it was out of love and protectiveness. I'd be PISSED, but there seems to be lots of cultural nuances about the concept of family, big sums of money at play and general drama that could explain it all.

She's coming back to Montreal today, so I offered to pick her up from the airport. I think it's the first time ever I'm doing this alone - it was a weird moment in my head when I realized I can do that. It's so simple and easy, my parents and adults around me have been doing that since forever. So when I realized I had time and a car at my disposal, it clicked and I was surprised it's not something that's part of my reflexes already.

I'm hoping to be there for my friend in any way I can be.

Had a really great weekend, with one BBQ, Jurassic Park screening in our own private theatre, and 2 park hangouts. It's not quite "normal" yet - still distancing and avoiding hugs and big gatherings but it's getting a lot more bearable. And the weather has been awesome. I have a feeling it will be a fun summer!

They should totally make a GPU that doubles as a space heater for us Canadians.

Just watched "Portrait of a Lady on Fire" and really enjoyed this movie. It helps that I speak French, because I could be 100% engrossed instead of reading the subtitles - but even so I think it's a film worth watching.

It somehow mirrored emotions and a headspace I've been in since New Years, and it feels good to direct the feelings towards a screen instead of inwards.

I've also foolishly (but perhaps also because of sleep deprivation) called classical music "cheesy" a few days ago. Felt like an immature teenager hot-take even while I was saying it. And the movie definitely made me regret my words even more. I think the biggest thing that has ruined classical music for me, is that dumb broom animation by Walt Disney. It's just so intertwined in my mind, I can't un-couple it and listen to classical things with a fresh ear and good mental imagery.

I've tried to find some good classical stuff to listen to today, but it's all just so vast I don't know where to start. I'm too impatient so I end up skipping around a piece, never settling in. Music is the medium I've always had the most trouble connecting with. I get bored, annoyed, frustrated I'm not actually finding what I want to listen to. I've had my moments with music, but they come rarely. They are not easily-replicable. And I'm always surrounded my extreme music lovers, it almost feels like i'm handicapped sometimes.

Even with the mega shitty start of this year with the government probably announcing our harshest lockdown yet tomorrow, I'm optimistic about the coming year.

I've been really enjoying reading more lately. I noticed my time at the computer strongly correlates to unhappiness (not sure which way the causal relationship goes, possibly both). In non-pandemic times, seeing friends have been my go to. It's often hard for me to motivate myself to do something without a little external push. But reading has been the easiest way i've found lately to get out of a computer refresh loop. It's just super low effort but also quite rewarding in the end.

It's stupid, but a small setback today has really fucked up my day. I've been giving lots of energy and time to a specific project. Including a video shoot this weekend that was technically against the newly instated Covid-stafety rules (self-imposed by the project, not by the government, the shoot was done as safely as possible). Our team had a way smaller 2h video shoot planned in the same space next week, but I decided to do the right thing and clear it with the board first. And got a unanimous decline, by the same people that had no issues being interviewed for a video, just 2 days ago. Because "rules". After spending 20ish hours helping them on their thing, but not having that same goodwill extended to us, i'm hurt and pissed off. I know i should not expect anything in return for the time I give, or expect any special treatment. But I've also felt unappreciated in a lot of my work lately, and this was just an extra thing that cements this thought. I really need to re-think things because this is not a healthy outlook, and I know it.

It's a really small thing - not being able to have our video shoot at that location is not even that big of a deal, since we have a marginally less cool office space available to use. And that shoot was not of major importance. I'm actually quite surprised how much this has affected me today. I haven't been this emotionally impacted in a long while, and i'm struggling to make sense of it. I feel a pettiness rising in me, i hate it. Because I know for a fact a lot of these people are going though some tough times. I need to get over this thing to not affect the political climate, or snap at people needlessly, but I also can't stop tearing up when I think of this for some reason. I'm annoyed and frustrated with my friends and myself, maybe a good night's sleep is going to help.

Sorry for the rant about stupid shit and small problems, I was thinking maybe some word vomit on a semi-anonymous place is a goodplace for my frustrations. But I also feel guilty adding negativity in the Pubski,when we can all use some good vibes.

This year has been a year of many changes and lots of learning, I'm quite happy about that. I'm on the board of 2 non-profits now (one is a technicality to throw Burner events, the other the legal entity for our local Precious Plastic project). Attending 3.5 general assemblies in the past few months has taught me a lot. I semi-regret we didn't have an active student government at my university, somehow I found the mechanics of holding a public forum quite interesting. But maybe it's just the novelty. Now it's time to get to work as a board member - and try not to get into any legal trouble. One of the founders has a side-project where he started a sort of incubator for collaborative projects, where your volunteer hours count as "influence" to attribute funds to various sustainability projects every semester. The idea is cool, if only a little convoluted. But the conflict of interest issues are jarring, and this might affect our accounting in weird ways. I've been raising flags of concern, hopefully we can figure something out.

I've been gardening bit - it's not a total fail but I already missed the mark on the radishes so I'll let them go to bloom and eat the pods. I've made 2 salads from the leaves so far, and it was great to eat something so fresh. If i go for it again next year, I'll need to figure out a better anti-squirrel chicken wire. The one I have is too low and not removable. But I'm also a little over it in terms of investing more time and money in the garden this season. Ce qui sera, sera.

I think my big challenge is still talking and communicating about my feelings in general. It's my mission to get over this, practice being more vulnerable and all that. I have good friends, I don't see why I need to be slightly drunk to get to a place where I can talk to them earnestly. It's in my nature to avoid "drama" and not bring up hard topics, but somehow I feel my quality of life can improve vastly if i learn to do so. I have a friend that showed me by example not too long ago, it was uncomfortable at first but now I feel we share more trust. I'm nowhere close of where I'd like to be, but I've recently confided in a couple people about the fact I find conversations challenging. It's a good first step.

Best of luck man! Having been through Canada’s healthcare system for a brain surgery myself, I have good faith in it. Emergency can suck, but we’re really lucky when it comes to the quality of “free” healthcare when it comes to ongoing issues.

Y’all can judge me (I’m certainly a bit torn about it a little) but I’m up north with 2 friends, for a couple days. Cracked and broke social isolation for a bit - but the weather is nice and I was going stir crazy in the city. Maybe it’s not right, but being in nature has been amazing.

There was even a little snow left:

The lake as like a mirror yesterday:

Drinking birch juice:

And making weird branch art while my friends do actual useful repairs on the cabin:

Also, I bought a camera that should arrive tomorrow, mostly funded by a generous friend of mine. I’m exited about Being able to film stuff again. I’m crazy lucky with the friends I have, how generous they are with their time and thoughts and how much they care for me. I think that’s part of why quarantine has been hard, I care about them too and not seeing people in person has been really tough. A few days ago, I woke up almost in tears, and I just remember my dream was about giving a long hug to a friend.

Finally started with the embroidery! I have a couple designs in mind, just need to buy the right color thread for it. For now, I haven't bothered looking up any tutorials or learning any fancy stitches, just winging it. I'll move up to fancier stuff in due time. I'm actually quite happy with the results!

But the back of my pieces are a TOTAL mess. Gotta work on that for sure.

A rage quit followed by an apology is basically a Hubski staple at this point. Almost a rite of passage. I feel as long as lessons are learned in earnest, we can move past things. I like having you around here, I’m glad you didn’t just disappear into the abyss of the internet!

I’m home! It feels so nice to be home after almost 3 months of absence. And I have so many projects I’m inspired to do right now - I understand it’s not realistic to do it all but I’ll try to start ASAP while I’m still motivated.

I have a welcome back party planned on Saturday and according to Facebook I have 35 attending, 35 maybes, and 33 other invited. I know of at least 10 people that are planning to come - not on this list. So the house will be packed. Warms my heart to know my friends missed me and want to hang out. Right now my plan is to make some hot wine and hot chocolate. Maybe bake some cookies too. Anyone has tips/good recipes? Otherwise I’ll probably end up making whatever’s on the top google result. A friend volunteered to make midnight grilled cheese. I’m super pumped :)

Well... looks like I'm going to the Netherlands for 2 months to help film videos at this recycling project called precious plastic!

I'm not paid, but i get to live with 40 awesome people doing cool stuff rent free with 3 meal/day provided :) And I might stay a couple weeks after to explore (or just head straight to Berlin and party? still undecided)

It's kind of random how it came to be, I just applied on a whim but now I need to look up cheap ways to get to Amsterdam. I'll probably buy a ticket from Boston since i'm going there soon anyway for my friend's clown-themed birthday party.

My life's really all over the place right now. Ever since I graduated university 3 years ago honestly. I kind of get anxious sometimes, because it's not going in any specific direction, and now I'm 25, pretty poor and never had a real life job. And my degree in marketing is getting more useless every year. But on the other hand I make enough to survive, have lots of fun and free time and interesting experiences. And in the last 3 years I've travelled a bunch, sold beard oil to Urban Outfitters, worked as an architecture photographer, started my own tour company and helped organise a bunch of burning man stuff including a 600 people party. I guess while I'm only responsible for myself, it's fine. It's just hard to to compare myself to my sister sometimes. She just got married a week ago, has a good stable job with potential and almost 100k in savings.

Made myself a rope dart, super exited to learn some tricks. That thing feels like a weapon in my hands, unlike most flow art props and I love it. Maybe by next summer I’ll be good enough to light it on fire? It’s also my sisters wedding this weekend. And most my weekend until beginning of November are spoken for already! Loving my life right now. My only issue is that tourist season is coming to a close and consequently so are my tours. Gotta figure out something to do (and hopefully earn money?) until next spring. I don’t know how realistic it is for me to get a real job at this point. I’ve done enough weird things that I just have a collection of weird skills and no idea how to behave in an office. Not that I really want to be in an office. I have this strange idea of getting government money to build some stuff in our local maker space... don’t know how realistic it actually is.

Just came back from my 3rd Burning Man, and I’d say it’s been the best one yet. Got to do a plane ride over the city, light a fire tornado with liquid propane at tank pressure, get close to a couple awesome folks, become a black rock city ranger and much more mind blowing experiences.

I feel like I’m getting the hang of it and can summon some playa magic from time to time. I was at a bar at the tail end of a night and got talking with the bartender who’s been going for 18+ years. He had really awesome stories, and it was great fun. Bar hopping is one of my favorite things out there. When I mentioned I left my bike back at camp for the night he offered me a ride on his custom trike with a built in sound system. It was probably the most epic entrance I’ve ever made in my life.

Hello, my name is elizabeth and i'm an addict.

I'm addicted to my computer, the internet. I can spend days, just browsing and watching videos and reading useless stuff. I know it's not what makes me happy. I want to be out and hanging out with friends and making projects and working and traveling. I do that, and it makes me happy! And I wonder why I even use my computer. But then I get another day off and I'm back in front of the screen. It's a constant fight.

That's not ALL I am, but it's a part of me I hope to get better at managing.

I find the further I go down the rabbit hole of living kind of an unconventional life, the less people I have around to talk to :(

On one hand, my life has never been as fun or as exiting as it is now. On the other, I’d like to vent and talk about stuff and feel my old friends won’t understand (and have mostly moved away). My newer friends don’t feel that close yet. I’ve just been having a bit of a tough time due to some recent events, and it feels lonely.

Just landed in Bogota! Let the adventure begin!

Got my tickets! Montreal > Bogota, Lima > Montreal.

Time to start planning the 2 months in south america!

And right after that, we're going to Africa Burn + roadtrip around south africa. It's getting super exiting!

But when I'm back home, it's gonna be time to get back into the groove of things and start working. With my partner being gone, I'll be the only one running the bar tours, so no days off for me. I mean, I'll probably hire some people at some point to help out, but it's still not the same as having a co-owner you completely trust in case there are issues. And I really want to make more money this year.

If I can hustle some free money out of the government, I'd like to build some cool plastic recycling machines. And also possibly get a real job at some event management place? I've never really given "that corporate life" a shot, and maybe I should try before it's too late and i'm completely unemployable.

That sounds simultaneously as the most amazing and the most exhausting work ever.

Duga 3 near Chernobyl (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duga_radar)

Probably the most massive and impressive man made structure i've ever seen. One of them anyway. Photo does not convey the scale at all unfortunately.

Here's another one - see if you can spot me!

A sunset next to my house at the end of September. Now it’s all covered in snow... can’t believe how fast this fall is flying by.

Had an awesome first experience last weekend that’s not suited for sharing on the internet. But it was awesome and I hope to do it again sometime.

My hair is now a crazy shade of purple. I’ve been talking about doing something like that for ages so it was time to just go for it. I’m curious how it’s going to affect my interactions with other people. I guess I’ll see if it makes any difference on my speakeasy tour tonight :)

Speaking of which, I’ve been trying to find someone that can run the tour from time to time and it’s been surprisingly hard. All my friends I consider qualified are too busy. I also need someone super reliable, sociable, that knows the city well (and preferably grew up here). The pay is great, the work is fun but maybe I’m just too picky. Getting good reviews is essential - they blacklist your listing if you get three 2 stars reviews.

Going to a pop up truck party thing on Saturday. I roped my friends into setting up a coffee shop/ shisha lounge chill space. But it looks like I’ll only show up to the end of the party since I have my tour on that day.

Helping organize the regional burning man decomp and it looks like we’re going with the cool warehouse space I found :) super proud of that. But we just voted yesterday to move the party to February because time is tight. So it looks like we’ll be in India and not able to attend. What’s the deal with me organizing all kind of fun things I can’t go to!?

I feel a good inexpensive gift is a gift that took time, thought and/or effort.

Something like baking a persons favorite desert. Writing a heartfelt note/poem. Organizing a picnic.

My favorite gifts are the consumable kind. I hate having to store a bunch of knickknacks and rarely can someone pick the thing that I want. So cheeses, craft beer, fancy jams or rillettes are the most appreciated.

I don’t like celebrating my birthday much, so I usually escape somewhere on a trip if I can. It was my birthday last Friday so we went camping and whale watching in Tadoussac with my boyfriend, his sister and her fiancé. It was a blast! But when I came back on Tuesday my other friends invited me over and got a bunch of cheeses and we did a little BBQ in the backyard. I think it’s the best birthday celebration I ever had :)

I'm no financial expert, but I'd pay off all non-interest free loans that you might have (Student loans, credit cards etc). Keep it cash so you don't have to get into any more debt while in college. And then use whatever you have left to kickstart whatever career you want to get into after college. 40k is not a crazy amount but it gives you the advantage of freedom. Maybe it can allow you to live in NYC for a couple months while you look for a good job there. Maybe you can accept a not so well paid internship with big potential down the line. Maybe you're just not that desperate for that job so you're not scared to stand your ground and negotiate a better salary from the start. Maybe you're not out of a job when your car breaks down because you can just repair it/buy a new one.

I feel like having that financial security right now can translate into more benefits for you down the line, than having a couple thousands in a retirement fund or whatever.

Also, that's just me but I'd take like 5k and go on a 3 month trip somewhere very different. Being responsible and all is great, but enjoying yourself is also important. And traveling can broaden your horizons, put things into perspective and teach you a lot of things you wouldn't get from school. It's a good investment in oneself :)