Been working my new tech job for 4 months now , and working on myself. Overall things are good. Something about right now feels like a new chapter. Onwards!

The makerspace i was at definitely was a toxic place. My first replacement lasted 1 month, the second just quit after 8 months. There’s one employee left doing my past role and they are hiring 2 more people. Granted, the project is growing and they might just need more HR but I also remember how demanding the role was, without any sort of support. I had expressed how I felt unsupported, but they could not manage to find time to give me ONE 2h meeting a month, while I was essentially running the place. I’d go months without any sort of feedback and have to run after people to answer yes/no emails that would block my progress. I didn’t work a lot at all, only about 30h weeks. But I also essentially was always on call since the place was open 24/7 and there were classes every day. So essentially if there were any problems, I was the first person of contact. My boss would blame me when I’d push back against it, but at 25$/h… fuck that. It was so mentally draining I didn’t have time for anything else anyway.

I’m glad I got out of there. Fingers crossed I find a new job soon and it’s good for me. I have an interview in 2h, hopefully it’s the one!

Still no job, but I'm getting more promising interviews. It feels like people are finally coming back from vacation and being more responsive in the hiring process. I'll send out another batch of applications next week and then take a break. There are 2 jobs I interviewed for I feel I did well - but I am waiting for a reply. Got rejected for a role I found really interesting - but they decided not to fill the role at all and hire freelancers instead. So in a way it feels okay because it's more about the company not having the budget, not my abilities. I'm hopeful for fall being a good hiring season, I have gotten some good interview practice and have understood my options a lot better. Somehow, even after almost 3 months of trying I'm still feeling optimistic and confident. And when summer is over, ramping up my search efforts will yield more results.

Decided to go to Burning man after all - i'm a bit better off financially than i was expecting and I feel it will be a fun year for me. I have the whole event week free of responsibilities as i'm not going with a camp or signing up for any volunteering. Friends have offered to make things easy for me such as delivering me a box of things and my bike directly there - so I only have my personal things to manage! And then I'm staying 5 extra days to help the Rangers - which will be a super fun experience AND guarantee me a free ticket for next year again. I'm hoping to have a blast this year, and then potentially stop going every year unless there's a completely different way for me to re-live it. After going 5 times, I need a complete change in the way I participate every time to keep the experience rewarding.

Got the real interview for the job I was super interested in this Thursday! Fingers crossed I do well, I’ll need to prepare a bit but I’m excited.

Got one job offer I declined because it lacked future potential and seemed too easy. Feels like a waste jumping through a thousand hoops to reject the offer. Nothing promising on the horizon right now - I didn't get a call back from my previous pre-interviews yet (but there is one I am very interested in. It's nice to know there are cool jobs out there I can at least get pre-interviewed for). So it's time to ramp up the CV-sending. Next week, I'm volunteering for a startup fest. for a day, which gives me access to it for the whole week of networking. I feel like I do better in person and it's more fun than CV sending. Maybe something will come of this! Being a generalist with a massive diversity of experiences gives me confidence in my abilities but also makes it hard to pass the HR filtering.

Still there, finally leaving tomorrow morning. Stayed post event for some rangering, it’s been a blast. My best year yet.

Meh. It’s like wishing your local coffee shop was as popular as Starbucks. We can definitely handle more traffic, but also don’t think expansion is on the horizon.

Had my first interview that came out of the job search today. I feel like I bombed it while also being over-qualified. Like the interviewer was talking down to me in certain moments. I definitely need the practice to appear more professional and on point to score interviews in higher level jobs and communicate I can do them effectively.

Made it across Larkhe La Pass 5160m trek in Nepal! Gave up on the daily meditation halfway through - but had some amazing moments uptop a hill, listening to the sounds of birds and avalanches before that. I feel my hiking got much faster and stronger, got closer with my travel buddy and saw some truly beautiful views. Can’t wait for the hot shower and private room tomorrow. It’s been a trip of a lifetime.

Arrived in Taiwan and started to plan the bike touring! Loving Taipei so far - good weather, safe, clean and cheap here.

Finished up the bike touring - time to plan out the Nepal trip. Right now we are torn between doing the Manaslu trek and the 3 passes trek. Both have positives/negatives but in the end I know whichever one we pick will be good. I’m a little worried about being cold and altitude sick and tired from the heavy backpack and getting food poisoning and being dirty with limited laundry available. But the past month has given me confidence in my resilience so I welcome the challenge and know it’s going to be a worthwhile experience in the end.

I’m slowly making moves to set myself up for success at my return back home. Feeling motivated to focus on my career (something I have never done in my life ever) and invest into my health by exercising more. It’s finally dawning on me that by making plans and setting goals I stand a chance of getting something done. I think in the past I just never cared to, or didn’t know what I wanted well enough to try. I was happy to hop from one fun opportunity to the next, amassing experiences in the process. But now I’m wanting to leverage these experiences into something more than another funky gig. Ive always had an entrepreneurial mindset and have had moderate success in all the little projects I have attempted. But in my youthful naivety secretly hoped to luck upon some untapped goldmine in my attempts. I’ve uncovered some good plans, but they were all short lived as others start to clue in eventually. Excited for what’s to come and what the future holds for me now that I’ve chosen to make it my focus.

I think the perception gap I need to close is between my professionalism and competence.

Separating with my partner of 10 years. Logistics are going to be rough since we’ve lived together for the past 7 years and I’m not sure he can afford a place without at least getting a part time job. We started dating a month after I turned 18 so I effectively have never been an adult without him around. Lots of adjusting to do, and fear ramping up a little. Somehow, having the official separation talk at burning man turned out great because distractions abounded, I was surrounded by a strong support network of friends and I could process the emotions without having to deal with mundane life management.

My work contract at the makerspace also ends at the end of the month. So the next while will be interesting for sure.

I wanted to go travel India over the winter but as a single young lady it might not be a good idea. I have to rethink that now.

Go some tickets for a Halloween party in Detroit, will probably Roadtrip down with a few friends. So there’s that to look forward to. Also planning to spend a month out in nature picking mushrooms, hiking and fixing up our trailer before winter hits.

It’s been a hard year. Hopefully with the changes, despite how hard they are, things will start turning around.

Flying home on Saturday! I’m counting the days now, miss my friends and lover and home and I’m running out of money. I’m hoping this trip will have a lasting impact on my resilience - the ability to persevere through discomfort. It’s not quite the same as waking up at 6am to bike 10h but applying for jobs is going to be an uncomfortable grind I’m gearing for.

It’s good to be at the point where I’m tired of walking around exploring sights. Now I’m aching to work and be productive making things and projects.

I had wet spot access for my post-event ranger shifts, but never actually went out of laziness. Got a shower during Gerlach patrol Monday and that felt great! What do you do to get wet spot access out there?

Booked my first two flights and paid the deposit on the PADI diving class in Thailand. Arranged for my friend to take over my place - which works out perfect for everyone since I don't need to make the place extra clean like i would for an AirBNB and I can give her tasks like water my plants. She was storing her things in my basement anyway so she won't need to move much. And it leaves my ex access to all his stuff in the basement. It's a triple win!

Having a date is also good pressure to get my affairs in order quicker.

Dry January is going alright. Spent a completely sober weekend and it went well. I'm still depressed with trouble getting outta bed in the morning, but today i actually cleaned, made a soup, settled some trip planning and ate sushi with my best friend for his birthday. A better overall day than I've had in a while.

Sick! I’ve also just signed a contract for my new job at 2.5x my old salary. I like this theme. Never had this much money before, I’m tempted to sign up to all kinds of evening classes I could not afford before but can’t decide on what to pick. I want to do everything from juijitsu to coding to learning Spanish to ceramics to singing classes… an exiting problem to have!

Just back from a ladies trip to Toronto to visit my sister for her baby shower. I always feel a bit out of place with the family, but it felt good to spend time with my mom, sister, cousin and aunt.

8 more days left at work, until i can fuck off to the woods. I really need to make plans for the future - and by that I mean puzzle in all the trips I want to do over the winter and not go over budget.

There is the Detroit roadtrip already in the works, my mom offered a potential vacation to Paris with my father, talked to my playa crush over the phone yesterday and now i'm looking at flights either to mexico or oakland mid-november. And we've been scheming with my friend Jerome for a Taiwan bike trip and Nepal hiking trip over winter. Maybe it's time to consider that temporary move to Berlin I've been thinking about the past 5 years? Learn German and stuff.

My issue is I only have about 10k CAD runway until I need to start looking for my next source of income. Many places to visit, people to spend time with but I don't want to blow through it all in 3 months and go back to the work life too soon.

Time to plan and look for opportunities!

I’m in Madrid with my parents, doing all the awesome museums and eating delicious food and planning my other trips in the evenings. It’s a bit rough hearing my dad listening to the news about the Ukrainian bombings twice a day and discussing it a we walk around, but otherwise we’re in good spirits. Today is some Spanish celebration and the show of military planes above the city was a bit unsettling in this context.

Damn I missed traveling! Feeling excited about Detroit and Mexico next. I forgot how much I enjoyed planning and working some magic. Still get bouts of sadness and loneliness from the breakup, drunk texted half my friends yesterday evening to make more plans that will keep me busy. I know it’s partly just coping, but I’m happy to see my friends are there for me in those moments :)

First day back on the wagon - made it trough my month of no drinking! I'm quite proud of myself for sticking to it, I feel it was a good and much needed reset and it gave me some good perspectives.

I had lots of engaging conversations with my family. I'm sure having the first being born grandchild helped but it's been nice to feel this closeness and family pattern introspection with everyone. Like everyone is recallibrating and finding their place in their new roles, super cool.

Had lots of meaningful hangs with the friends too, and with new friend groups. Everyone was really supportive and it's reassuring to know I have the same solid group of peeps with me if I want to keep it wholesome :) A few awkward moments sprinkled in there, I think I've inadvertently gotten used to be surrounded by a big community of people that know and care about me. It happened slowly and I didnt realize in most social situations people know more of me than I know of them. So showing up at new parties where I was a stranger was really unsettling. I felt like a fish out of water, didn't quite know how to even start a conversation or introduce myself. But I think I'll get my mojo back once i'm back traveling on the road at hostels. I used to be a professional small talker after all.

On the downside, I don't know if it's the seasonal funk or the lack of work and structure - but motivation even on the getting outta bed level has been hard lately. And not having the excuse of a hangover puts it at the forefront. I expected to be MORE productive sober but in the end i think i was less so. My major "to-do" points are in order so i'm all good. But all the optional things that are supposed to make me feel good instead of scrolling are picking up dust and I don't know how to kick myself in the ass to get going.

Hanging out with my Californian friend in Mexico, and it’s crazy seeing how disconnected from the crypto world my life is. Never would have even heard about the exchange collapse ftx thing, while he’s out here texting up a storm, saying his friend called it back at burning man and it’s the biggest collapse ever…

Funny how people can live in such parallel worlds. Time to go find some tacos!

There is so much snow right now, it's beautiful. Things are looking up. Still not drinking, seeing friends and family a lot, my place finally feels like it got to a clean and organized state with only a couple tweaks left. I'm almost done making my yearly recap photo albums for the last 2 years. I've been watching lots of movies, going on art expos and reading books. I feel that i'm in a good place right now.

First proper day of bike touring in Taiwan and I’m spent. We’re going about half the speed we hoped for or what is displayed on maps. So 5.5h turned into a 12h day (with stops and food). It’s gonna be brutal, but I still think it’s feasible. Maybe my sore body will disagree tomorrow. I guess we underestimated the difficulty of the trip. And I don’t remember last time I actually seriously exercised. The good thing is that Taiwan is the most convenient place ever. 711s with food and bathrooms about every 20 mins, and we can take an emergency train back anytime. So we’ll keep going and hopefully make better time by the end of it.

Got a good fortune at the temple that was very positive - that my life is on the “up and up”. I didn’t think it meant hills!

Been keeping really busy, hanging with people every night to avoid thinking about my recent breakup. So far, it’s been good and lots of fun. I’m more concerned about my ex that seemed to be lying on his phone in the dark with a gout flare up with none of his burning man laundry done when I passed by to drop off car keys 2 days ago. I also hope he gets his shit together and I don’t have to be the bad guy kicking him out on the street come end of October.

Toronto this weekend for my sisters tea party baby shower.

Training my replacement at work - it’s tedious AF because it’s lots of different platforms, exceptions and particularities of people, admin work bs. She’s not the quickest and need to be repeated things a few times, but is also personable and has a good attitude. She’ll figure it out in time. I’m just not sure I can hang everything over in the 12 more days I have left.

I’m back in town! Planning to move back to my apartment by December but it looks like my ex still has not found a place to move to. The market is tough, but also it’s been 3 months now… and it’s rough because he’s looking for a cheap place. I don’t want to be a dick and kick him out but I also need to move on.

I have a lot of thinking to do about what I’m looking for in a partner, because it almost feels like the qualities I want would not occur in a single person. But I’m not going to be dating for now. Probably need to stay single for a little while after 10 years with someone.

Also need to evaluate my next career move. My previous job solidified my worries about not being a fit for stable 9-5 office work. But it’s also the type of work I can most easily find and am most qualified for. My ideal contract-based, engaging, well paying and possibly remote position probably doesn’t exist. I still have time, but my friend was advising me not to do things Willy nilly like I have been and always keep in mind to build towards something. But that type of more long term thinking is giving me anxiety about the decisions I will have to be making soon. Because that could be anything from moving countries to going back to school to changing specialisation… I like to do meaningful shit but also would not mind being paid more at this point in my life, do something beyond entry level stuff. I’ve done a ton of interesting work in my life so far, but it’s getting frustrating how often the same question falls back on the table and it often doesn’t feel like I’ve made progress on finding an answer. Despite being a really competent person overall and good at getting shit done.

It’s been an interesting few years. Went abroad to do filmmaking on a plastic recycling open source project. When I came back home, I found the local chapter and was swiftly made president of the forming non-profit. Also joined the board of our local burner org. So it was a lot of learning about governance, managing volunteer projects etc… And then I got hired as the second ever employee of a makerspace my friends started. I never really considered getting a real full time job, but with COVID I was getting stir crazy sitting at home and all projects were on hold. It has been tough - working with a good friend as my boss definitely fucked up our relationship. Especially when some tangential feelings got involved during his long term relationship breakup. A shitshow. But in the 1.5 years I worked there I definitely made the place better. Made major moves in optimizing systems, did a bunch of IT migrations, set up a ton of new workshops, increased our media visibility by a ton. Also learned I stay in situations that are shit for my mental health for loyalty.

I picked up some new skills and confidence building art projects with friends. Did a giant hamster wheel, a flame poofer, a 360 seesaw and a bunch of fixing around the country house and the 500$ trailer we converted into our room. Did some basic welding classes and want to learn sewing and basic electronics soon. I’ve been in a skill-acquiring mood lately.

Just passed the cap on 10 years with my partner. We’ve been through a shit ton and an ever changing relationship. But it may have run it’s course, had some really rough talks yesterday. We’re insanely different people than when we met… And somehow we had managed not to grow appart all these years until recently.

I’m incredibly lucky with the friends I have. I can rely on them, confide myself, have fun and explore. I feel real friendship is vastly undervalued in our society. Even looking at my high school friends, everyone else looks so lonely. While I’m feeling like the luckiest person in the world with epic caring thoughtful interesting friends.

Sitting in a bar in SF airport right now, on my my to Reno to help out a friends camp at burning man. I can tell it will be a rough year already. I’m going with a heavy heart, hoping to be able to disconnect and avoid my problems for the next 2 weeks, enjoy good moments with friends and see cool art.

Then it’s back home for a month at my job before the end of my contract, possibly a separation that will tear my world appart and then… who knows? But my dream trip to India is seeming unlikely since I’m probably not gonna go alone. There is still good chances for a 3 week hiking in Nepal and Taiwan round the island bike trip :)

I’ve been in a slump, but my mom came over the other day to start tackling my to-do list (did a whole fridge cleanup ) and it gave me a lil boost to get things moving. Got the ball rolling on a lot of things today, and I feel like I want to keep going. A nice environment makes me feel good. I can’t wait for my old place to feel like my own again.

We’re pretty set on the Manaslu hike in Nepal. Taking the plane tonight, starting the hike the 11th.

Got pre-rejected from a fun work gig cause I can’t work in the USA. But in the way they messaged me, sounds like I was short-listed for the interview process. At least it got me to do a nice re-edit of my CV!

Big freezing rain back at home, trees falling on cars and power lines and half the city without electricity. It looks beautiful tho.

Starting to miss people back home, but maybe it’s just that I’ve been idle in the past weeks. Once I’m in a new country exhausting myself hiking every day it will probably pass.

Considering attempting a 30-day meditation streak for the duration of my Nepali Visa and stay. Seems the kind of fitting wooowoo activity, and a good moment to give it a go. Just do a daily unguided 20-30 mins? My quick research of guided meditations only turns up shitty « increase your earning potential and self esteem » or « destress and fall asleep » ones that’s don’t feel right. Open to advice and suggestions if you have some - I’ve only attempted it sporadically a handful of times in the past, never more than 2 days in a row. I’m a complete beginner. Namaste my friends!

Moving back to my apartment tomorrow. Mental health has been so-so and I feel like I’m developing a drinking problem. Feeling supported by my loved ones, but it also involves drinking every night and usually not in small quantities. With leaves me extremely unproductive during the day, until my evening plans. Fuck… will need to get this under control before it becomes a more permanent problem.

Overall a good week! Spent a few days back at home to help feed my little niece at night so my sister could get some sleep. Re-wrote my cv and learning about what it takes to make the career switch, and if it’s something that will actually fit my profile. Went to see an art expo with my ex - building back the friendship slowly. I need to let go of some worries Ive been carrying about his financial situation and stuff, as it’s not really my problem anymore. It’s hard to turn it off sometimes but it’s getting easier. It’s also getting easier to have a positive outlook on what this year will bring. Excited for the upcoming travels, new opportunities and who knows what other surprises. And sober January is still on, I’m proud of myself for not caving! Finally feels like I’ve unstuck mentally a little after all the overwhelming changes in 2022.