Losing heart. Scraped together everything I had into one place last week, sold all my crypto and investments. Was told everything looks great for the purchase of my home. Cut to today, cryptos are ripping skyward and I'm now being informed that a bunch of my assets were mis-classified and Covid regulations on mortgages under certain credit scores mandate that I have 6 months of bills in an account on top of and separate from closing costs. Possibly just dead in the water, down a fair bit of cash from inspections, appraisal, etc. Hurts really badly because it really feels like I'm doomed to forever be fucked with regard to finances. Update of note* My grandfather has decided he no longer would like to receive the weekly infusions that are keeping him out of the hospital, and yet neither does he want hospice care to come anywhere near him. My mom and her siblings are going to have a group discussion with him soon about allowing hospice to make him comfortable because without these infusions he is going to deteriorate rather quickly.
I just convulsed so hard I fell out if bed and left a giant rug burn on my head. See y'all in the ER. Update* Discharged in one piece with followup orders. No obvious brain damage or chemical trace of seizure. Followup orders with neuro, sleep medicine and cardiology because my blood chemistry keeps indicating increasing damage to heart tissue. I look like a 50 year old cheeseburger and cigar aficionado halfway through his last big heart attack chemically.
I had a phone-appointment with my cardiologist this morning. She was almost in tears because of a spat of recent firings at her office. Nurses with decades of experience showing up to work with boxes on their desks and guards waiting to escort them to their cars. We will all pay for the damage being done to our institutions. Some of us sooner than others.
My mental health has really been thrown a curve ball with this whole Corona thing. The utter lack of concern for the lives and wellbeing of our most vulnerable being displayed by my neighbors horrifies and disgusts me. I seethe with rage near-constantly. Guess I'll go carve more spoons.
Miss you francopoli, wherever you are.
I'm really losing it y'all. Things that were once helpful and calming are not any longer. I can't recall a time in my life when my self control was lower. Another doxy.me appointment with the psych today. Likely more tranq inbound. :/
I just came into the possession of several hundred pounds of Black Locust logs in various shapes and sizes. I almost destroyed the suspension, brakes and transmission of my car in the process but I managed it. Note to self, Chevy hatchbacks are not made for logs, even with a tow kit. I have a few carving discs coming in the mail for my angle grinder, so soon I can start making log art. I'll make sure to post my work. Michigan is slowly warming up. The more hours outside the better.
I miss having a chance at winning the election. I've been successfully abused into being a Biden supporter and I am certain we are going to lose.
After almost 10 months of work, I have an appointment scheduled at Cleveland Clinic for next week. I would appreciate some answers or at least a confirmation that I am indeed as unwell as I keep telling people I am. I'm also supposed to be seeing a pain doctor sometime soon because my non-narcotic pain medication has been reclassified as a narcotic, it's losing effectiveness even as we increase the dose and it's chewing big gaping holes in my memory all at the same time. Fighting off some kind of virus. Four doses of Tamiflu and one influenza PCR test later it's confirmed I don't have the flu. Managed 20 minutes of yoga last night with a few breaks. Gonna try to do five miles on the bike today to say I did something.
Did my first 40 mile ride on the bike the other day. Was planning on going for 30 then passed it without noticing. Found myself at 37 miles and change and decided to push it, and made it. Hopefully this is helping, not hurting.
Hey I will keep doing my best and that's a promise.