I'm making myself a new desk. Wife and I have been sharing her XXL once since we moved and my old one got pitched. I'm not comfortable using certain power tools while home alone and just using the pull saw with anything like dexterity is taking more and more effort. Still feels good to be doing something constructive. I fell Sunday. Thats 5 total. Its getting harder and harder to stave off unconsciousness when I feel the Black rushing up to meet me. My head rings and throbs then aches for hours after. 10 days until wedding number 2.
I got shingles again. Caught it early, not early enough to prevent more damage. Shingles sucks, valcyclovir 1gm TID for 8 days sucks. Still not back in cardiac rehab, but that's the joy of insurance, the needless, senseless waiting. We managed to have a wonderful time at my best friends wedding despite my rotting nervous system. My friend was the happiest I've ever seen him and his new wife was as radiant and contented and unbothered as anyone could ask of a normally rather introverted person put into the center of attention. Lots of happy tears between me and the missus that whole long weekend because of how loved and accepted and wanted our friends and friends families make us feel. Upon reflection on this with my counselor, she likes to use the framework of 'You've finally stopped going to the hardware store looking for milk and eggs.' Which startled me to hear because of the ease and clarity of it. I did not have an easy time that weekend physically, in fact spent several hours on the phone with my PCP's maternity-replacement frantically trying to get pharmacies to move my antiretroviral script so that I could avoid a full blown shingles outbreak. In the family I grew up in, any kind of minor inconvenience or stress on vacation or at a family event was the death of all joy and lightheartedness. I cannot convey the absolute shattering sense of relief I felt when I was able to say 'Yeah, I'm not feeling great, I'm going to go lie down and make some phone calls to try and improve things.' and the only response I get is 'We'll make sure we turn the AC way down, should someone bring you your backpack with your meds and water bottle?' One more wedding in a few weeks, another close friend from high school, two of them actually. Batting a thousand so far.
Agreed. This feels like the only fact that anyone has agreed on in like 5 years.
Its winning more than losing.
The light in me recognizes and bows to the light in you. Be well.
There is a suicide epidemic going on right now. Here's an NYT article about it. I found out about it because I went to the big box store and wasn't able to purchase rope I needed for a project. The employee I asked about the missing stock of rope related products wasn't even permitted to say the word "rope" instead saying that "this part of our inventory is out of stock for the duration of the pandemic and we will not be getting more" while her eyes pleaded with me to drop the subject.
Because blocked, Heyo, Regarding your most recent post. I am in a similarly shaped boat. The only satisfaction that I get really is from making things. Maybe that's a direction to look in. I don't know. I only know my experience. Sorry shit sucks. Hopefully a day will come in the not so distant future where it can suck less. We are most likely to encounter that version of the future when we work towards it as best we can. Best, OB
You can't summon any joy in your heart to vote for someone who will support a campaign that promises to take care of the poor and sick?
This is how it starts. We just watched the lower-middle class take a gut-punch and more are coming. Those jobs aren't coming back.
My guest bedroom holds my Sci-Fi collection. Some stuff from childhood in there too. I only buy books that I am likely to reread. Authors include Steve Alten Bradbury Jim Butcher Alan Campbell Orson Scott Card Crichton Colfer Frank Herbert (And Herbert Jr.'s fan fiction) Brian Jacques Dean Koontz Tolkien Lovecraft And more.
I made a thing. Now I need pictures that aren't on my phone or a computer.
You are a good and valuable person. You deserve better than an unequal relationship. Find a person who feels a hardcore 'Fuck YES' when they get a message from my boy 'boots. Maybe that's this girl and she struggles to communicate it. Regarding your question - I think its fair to say I have come up from a pretty low place when it comes to self regard. It's a work in progress but so is everything else. For me the change manifests in action more than feeling. I treat myself and my time and wellbeing as valuable and precious. Examples: When my (hard to manage) family wants to change plans, ask me to drop things unexpectedly, otherwise ask something unreasonable, I say 'No." now. Not rudely, not with venom. Just "No, that day/time doesn't work for me. Ask me with more than one hour of notice next time" I was asked to sing/play guitar at an upcoming event for my in-laws church. Firm "No thanks, I dont feel I could sincerely engage with the spirit of the event." I could go into a rant and talk about how I sing and practice music for my own enjoyment, but that wont cause anything good or positive to happen. I know that to be true of myself and living that truth is freeing. -------------------------- I don't think anyone should live in a constant state of anything, let alone high self regard. It would be deeply inhuman to only ever feel good and certain about yourself. That's not a praise of doubt, but of the value of the variety of human experience.
Was supposed to be seen at Cleveland this morning.. Spent it vomiting my guts out in the ER from a drug reaction instead. Waiting on discharge, in theory. Discharged. Sent home with orders for gatorade, no exercise other than yoga for at least a week, and a strong recommendation to take a nap at least once a day. Fucking kidneys. JUST WORK AND I WON'T HAVE TO BOMBARD YOU WITH DRUGS.
I had a shockingly nice time in SF with my dad. We drank, ate good seafood, spent a day on the bay pulling up sharks and rays. Tossed them all back for some other boat to catch. I learned a valuable lesson about combining ethanol and nerve pain medication by essentially roofie-ing myself. I got a new insight into how much my dad carries around day to day as far as stress, the things my family asks of him. I have been trying to think of ways to be a better son and they all amount to 'Make more money, ask as little of him as possible' and I know that's not a good or healthy way to think about our relationship. Maybe I'll find a better way forward. Other than that, wings level. The RPS continues to absolutely dominate her classes. She has a 99.5% in organic chemistry, a 102% in neuro-anatomy/neuropsych. She's finally starting to believe for herself that she's intelligent and capable and it's a beautiful thing to watch someone build confidence day by day.