Listen closely because I say a lot of unimportant shit but this is important:

YOU FIGHT FOREVER.

Forever.

You will get tired and you will get worn down and you will be defeated and you will just want to stop. And you can. But know that when you stop, you die.

Depression can go bad places. My family is really pretty good at suicide; I've got two on my mom's side. Depression, allowed to run its course, is death.

Which, when you're wrapped up in the Camille Claudel macabre beauty of it, seems like a release. The thing of it is you don't get to the happy ending if you punch out early. And the people who care about you will sorely miss you.

I ain't saying "hold your head up high." I ain't even saying "put on a happy face." Know down to your very bones that if it ain't one damn thing it's two damn things, that the bastards will win in the end, that entropy will win out no matter what, and that in the grand scheme of things you don't fucking matter.

But in the near term, you do. You're important to everyone that knows your name. Nearly everyone you've ever met would be saddened by your passing. We don't all get to be George Bailey so we gotta improvise; at a fundamental level most people are good and kind and if you've been good and kind to them they remember you fondly.

Keep 'em guessing. Let them wonder what you're up to. Don't be an epitaph, don't be a cautionary tale.

Eventually the dark spots will brighten, the bright spots will spread, and you'll discover that you've been pretty happy for long enough that you only vaguely remember just how black and horrible things were. And you'll laugh, and you'll smile, and you'll thank your lucky stars that you pulled through.

But it won't come if you're looking for it. Happiness is like love. It alights on those who are ready but not seeking.

Hang in there. It's worth it. I promise.

Hong Kong! Really awesome. Some tips off the top of my head:

1. Walk of the Stars is like a shit version of LA. Not worth it, there are better spots for a good view of the harbor skyline. Maaybe go if you have an immense love for Bruce Lee and need to touch his statue there. But otherwise don't.

2. GET AN OCTOPUS CARD. It's one card for the subway system, which is amazing, runs like every two minutes, and has cross-platform transfers everywhere. So pretty similar to the cards in NYC and London, right? No, because you can also use this card to pay at the station shops. 90% of the time this is the 7/11, which are everywhere. If you're travelling the city all day this is a godsend, because you can grab the 7/11 half liter bottles of iced tea for just ten HK dollar ($1.30). I did this almost every day. I was there in december too, and it was t-shirt weather most of the week, so stay hydrated. You can get an Octopus card at any medium-to-large station, they have customer information, and they know English most of the time.

3. I know friends who were on the same trip as me who went to the Ten Thousand Buddhas monastery, they said it's pretty cool. Every Buddha is unique.

4. Tip for the evening: go to the Mong Kok neighbourhood. It is the densest in the world, and at night all the neon lights are fucking amazing. I mean, look at this:

5. Also in the same area, the Ladies' Market, which isn't for ladies, it's a general souvenir kinda market where you can haggle to death. Seriously, we were there and I wanted a necklace for my mother, which was advertised for HK140 ($20?). Got it for HK40. If you can't get more than 40 percent off, don't buy. That area (and Yau Ma Tei a bit more south) is also great for food.

6. You probably want to get a beautiful view of the city at the Victoria Peak. The train that goes up there is pretty touristy (read: pricey) and often has long lines. It's also not that easy to reach by subway. And what they don't tell you, however, is that at the Peak, you need to pay again to get to the observatorial deck. Protip: the mall next door has a roof terrace with the same view, for free. And you can get a cheap bus from Admiralty that will bring you directly to the Peak mall. The bus does take a bit longer.

7. The Nan Lian Garden is supposedly one of the most beautiful Asian parks in the world. It is pretty neat to wind down, and the Chi Lin monastery is right next door, which is some pretty cool Chinese temple kinda thing. It's also walking distance from Diamond Hill subway station, and it's all free.

8. Do take the Star Ferry! It is only like a dollar, you can enter with your Octopus card (amazing eh) and while it's short, you get some great views of the bay from that boat.

9. Disneyland is not different enough from the American ones to spend a day.

10. If you want to go on a tower, get to the Bank of China Tower (the one with the big triangles on the side). During office hours you can go to the 44th floor for free. Much better than the $30 ride to the top of the ICC tower, which is also harder to reach.

11. Something to combine with that: for less than a dollar you can ride the Hong Kong tram. It goes nice and slow and it's a nice ride in between the giant skyscrapers. Ride it from the BoC tower to Sheung Wan.

12. I found it nice to learn the basics of Chinese with this simple method. If you memorize the basic 9 characters, most of the Chinese signs will not look like complete gibberish to you (Most of HK is bilingual, but it's nice to recognize names faster because you recognize a character or two. It won't hurt!)

If you want to know more, lemme know! I'll respond to this post if I think of more cool things to do.

PS. dammit now I want to go back