by: pubski

comment by
_refugee_
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_refugee_  ·  link  ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 5, 2018

https://www.discogs.com/user/broganator/collection?sort_by=median&facets=folder%255D%253A%255BThe%2520Rolling%2520Stones%2520Collection

I've had a kickass year.

Tomorrow I have 3 back-to-back interviews for a position I really want and have been encouraged to apply for from almost every angle.

I'll find out if I get it within another week.

Sounds like a number of people have applied. Sounds like, regardless of my encouragement, that competition will be real -- even if I am the favorite of the hiring manager(s) (which is an IF, not a CERTAIN) I can't fuck around on this; I gotta keep bringing it.

I had a good long talk with my sister last night. One thing we touched on was how I've been trying to change my life over the past year. She told me, "it's like you went to a therapist, except you just did it yourself." I showed her my gratitude journal and talked about how making minimal steps, minimal requirements to achievement, got me so far it was perceivable with a year's distance.

29, and nearly 30, and I think finally basically have come to terms with the last serious break-up. It took two years of thought and effort besides. I'm going on dates now. I have one I'm really excited about on Sunday, actually. Even my sister thinks he's cute. We don't have each other's numbers -- I told him I'd meet him to watch the Dallas/Eagles rivalry game go down, at the same pub where we met earlier this week when a friend of mine turned wingman. I found him on facebook, though, and I know his full name. I know how he feels about guns (when asked if he was carrying in the bar, he reacted with the very appropriate and appreciated shocked face -- yes, we have confirmed, it appears this one is sane). And various random other stuff besides.

There's a temptation to only reward oneself when there's a tangible success you can pin on it. "I can buy whatever I want with my bonus" or "I got a raise so I deserve a big fancy dinner" or "I'm promoted so I can really party wild" or "I lost 20 pounds so I can buy whatever clothes I want" or etc etc. While in the big picture I support the idea that rewards should be merited...

I f*n love the Rolling Stones. And I've wanted to see them for years. And pretty soon, at least one of them is going to die. And regardless of whether I get that job or not, of whether I get that promotion this year or not, of whether I lose those last 5 pounds before 2019 or not...I have worked hard this year. I have changed so much, most importantly my mentality. I've grown a sense of ownership and accountability and responsibility for myself, like I finally understand I can control my actions. Most if not all of them.

I don't need to achieve a specific, not-entirely-within-my-control goalpost to deserve these tickets. I deserve to treat myself with love and kindness and I deserve this crazy, ridiculous, over-the-top, once in a lifetime reward. I've got two tickets that cost more than discogs appraises my whole Stones collections at (well, on average at least). I don't need to know who's coming with me. All I need to know is, whoever I ask, they're out of their goddamn fucking mind if they don't feed blessed and immediately agree to accompany me.

Fuck yeah, rolling stones. When else am I going to see them. They ain't getting any goddamn younger.