Hubski. Yesterday, I was courageous!
On Monday evening a friend I know from Israel contacted me with the info that there have been two drug-related deaths at a festival in Israel and that her sister, a moderator at a national radio station, needs someone with expertise in harm reduction and drug checking to speak on her show.
My first reaction was "HELL NO!". The radio station she works for is one of the most listened to in the country and the time of speaking would be during lunch break. After 8pm, the second peak of listeners per day. In short, maaaaaany people would be listening.
Many fears came up. My hebrew is not good enough. The drug checking I am doing is - strictly speaking - illegal. I was afraid one of my parents or people I know from my home town might listen and what effects it might have... "Your son is talking about drugs on national TV!!"
Nevertheless, I agreed. After a quick 5 minute chat with one of the workers at the station that simply told me to "speak about what you know", it was set.
From that moment I was SO nervous! I started to read everything possible about what happened. Sadly, very little information was known at that point.
The next day, I was super nervous. The closer the interview came, the worse it got.
Then I got the call. I could hear the current live show running in the background and another voice talking to me. She verified who I was and asked me how I want to be introduced. I told them with my full name and profession.
A few minute later me and another guy were on air. First the other guy was speaking. Someone who attended the event and could answer general questions about what happened. I was getting more relaxed.
Then my turn came.... Honestly, I only have a vague recollection about what I said. I just remember three things.
1) When she asked "what is MD (slang for MDMA)?" I went on a full-blown neuroscientific response, just to realize halfways that nobody would understand me.
2) At some point I got nervous again and my voice got shaky. Which made me stutter.
3) After telling her about the drug checking action that I do, she asked "Isn't that illegal what you are doing?" I somehow got angry. Suddenly all the nervousness went away and with a clear voice I said "honestly, I don't know if it is legal or not. All I know is, if I have a way to stop someone from injuring themselves or dying, I would do it".
And with that, the interview ended. I was shaking for the next hour.
I felt so bad. So many things I could have told but didn't. All the little mistakes. I thought "Why wasn't I more prepared?".
Then I got a message from a friend that listened to the interview. She loved it. She loved the message and was happy to hear my voice through the radio :)
And I remembered, that for the first time, I showed a part of me to the broad public. Fully knowing what kind of consequences it could have.
I told my mother later. She was proud.